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Shower Thoughts

If it wasn't already used for photography, "Selfie" would also make a great term for masturbation.
Your face is a combination of thousands of years worth of other people’s faces.
If you're partner doing any of this, they are cheating on you!... 😮…s
You've spent hours of your life rubbing a piece of glass.
The generation that blames video games is the same generation that invented them.
Never laugh at your partner's choices. You are one of them.
Think of the most attractive person you know. Even that person, at some point, has had raging diarrhea.
How fucked would it be if the last sentence of the last Harry Potter book was "And then Harry woke up back in his bed under the staircase"
We live in a time where its faster to play a game with a complete stranger online than set up a couch co-op game with a friend.
A transgender man took a selfie every day for three years to show what testosterone can do!...…
You are someone's reason for choosing a different username.
The weird, artsy, loner usually gets the girl in movies (instead of the jock) simply because many movies are written by weird, artsy, loners.
Monopoly would be more realistic if the person with the most money got to change the rules whenever they liked.
Telling a dangerously overweight person not to lose weight because they're beautiful is like telling an alcoholic not to stop drinking because they're fun.
Being an adult is eating the crust not because you like it, but because you paid for it.
Your balls probably think you have over a hundred children by now.
If you think people are more attractive with a tan, you like people slightly cooked.
Everyone thinks "Blood, Sweat, and Tears" sounds cool, but if you told somebody you'd been bleeding, sweating, and crying all day they would probably be seriously concerned for your mental wellbeing.
Smoking kills you, but the actual “act” of smoking is a very healthy practice - leave a stressful environment, go outside for five minutes and take deep breaths.
Existing is so expensive.
The person who discovered that chocolate is poisonous to dogs must’ve had a very sad day.
Homework is unpaid overtime for kids.
Guy pranks girlfriend with new Snapchat filter but It backfires massively!😂…E
When you hold in a pee your brain is telling your body to pee and not to pee at the same time.
Before technology people thought stupidity was caused by the lack of information.
There is a different version of you in everyone’s head.
In morse code, “K” = “-.-“, maintaining the same passive aggression as it does in a text response.
b, p, d and q are the same f**king letter and no one talks about it.
If you don’t listen to your kids when they tell you little things now, they’ll never tell you big things later.
Never be ashamed of your kinks, unless your kink is humiliation, then shame on you.
Someone, somewhere, at some point has probably idly fantasised about being in a relationship with you.
Can You Answer These Trick Questions? I totally failed😅😅…I5
Aristotle said “Manly men are attracted to manly things”, and the manliest of things are men. This implies the manliest of men have to be gay.
Your future self is talking shit about you.
Not hiring someone because they have tattoos completely ignores the fact that they clearly have no issues with pain or commitment.
Woman’s creepy encounter with a seemingly nice man explains why women appear ‘Cold’ sometimes!...…
You’ll probably never find a bad parachute review.
Life is technically a sexually transmitted disease.
Somewhere, two best friends are meeting for the first time.
If you start counting from zero your lips wont touch till you reach 1 million.
The video should stay on social media??😳😳…5M
As soon as you start having kids, you have to go back to asking your parents if you can go out.
Putting groceries in the freezer is like Tetris, but taking them out is like Jenga.
Exercising is basically hurting yourself until you build up an immunity to hurting yourself.
When we sleep, our brains have enough power to generate its own reality in dreams. When we’re awake, it doesn’t have enough power to remember why we walked into a room.
Our brain constantly calculates possible futures and forgets about them immediately. Maybe deja vu is just our brain remembering the calculation and is surprised about actually having predicted the future.
The voice in your head has grown up with you and at one point was a child.
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