When a baby isn’t crying or laughing they look like they’re having a Vietnam flashback.
The reason the bad guy never wins is because the winners always dictate who the “bad guys” are even if the winners were the actual bad guys.
People with anxiety don’t have a train of thought. We have seven trains on 4 tracks that narrowly avoid each other when the paths cross and all the conductors are screaming.
Your future self is talking shit about you.
The voice in our head is the only one we can talk to without it ever getting awkward.
You know you’re about to fall asleep when you start to see scenes in your head that make no f**king sense.
Hospitals are filled with peoples happiest Memories, saddest memories, last breaths, first breaths, and basically everything in between.
Once you turn 18, your 6,570 day free trial has expired.
Getting a song stuck in your head wouldn’t be so bad if it was the full song instead of 10 seconds on loop.
Most people try to accomplish something before their microwave reaches zero.
Falling in love during a dream is maybe the most savage way the mind can play tricks on itself.
Your money’s not yours. It’s just your turn with it.
You can’t snap your fingers inside your mouth.
No matter how bad things are, someone somewhere wishes they had your life.
If your life just got harder, it might be a good sign that you just levelled up.
Although often taken for granted, Google Earth is an incredible feat accomplished by mankind that people 300 years ago would have considered completely mental.
Have you ever seen a crane being set up? No, it’s just there, all of a sudden. Bam! A crane higher than everything else .. Magical!
If you don’t believe muscle memory is real, just rearrange the icons on your phone.
A college degree is basically an expensive piece of paper that signifies you know how to follow directions.
At some point you go from censoring yourself around adults to censoring yourself around children.
It’s very likely that at some point in the future, another child will grow up in your childhood home, and will end up having many of the same sorts of memories in the same place that you had them.
“You look tired” is the socially acceptable way of saying “you look like sh*t.”
People assume that “Courage, the cowardly dog” is either a misnomer or an oxymoron; but Courage was courageous because he could act in spite of his fear.
Do you ever have a plan for the day and suddenly it’s 7pm and you’ve achieved literally nothing.
‘Friend zone’ is a real and heartbreaking place!😂😂..twentytwowords.com/20-photos-that…
If you're partner doing any of this, they are cheating on you!... �magiquiz.com/quiz/is-your-p…
If porn videos started with 15 seconds, unskippable ads about consent and safe sex, they would probably teach more than most current sex ed classes.
Dogs understand more of our language than we understand theirs.
Reasons, why you should always read the fine print before clicking ‘buy’!🤣...twentytwowords.com/times-people-s…
Watching porn when you are not horny gives great insight about how your mood can effect your perception of events.
Maybe we don’t hear as much about organised crime these days because they’ve gotten REALLY organised.
Everyone at least once as a child tried to balance the light switch between on and off.
Blind Mystic Baba Vanga’s 2020 Predictions Are Both Bleak and Terrifying!... twentytwowords.com/blind-mystic-b…
I would probably hate meeting someone with the exact same personality as me.
Being middle class is when spending $100 is expensive but earning $100 isn’t a lot of money.
Adulthood is realising Joey is a great guy and Ross is a di*k.
Lindsay Lohan posts fully naked picture for her birthday!... twentytwowords.com/lindsay-lohan-…
Authors of poems and books didn’t even know about the deep meaning of their works like English teachers.
The saying “out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t apply when you are in your room and you catch a glimpse of a spider and then lose it.
If the earth was flat all the cats would have knocked everything off the edge already.
The ring is, Ahem... Somewhat questionable!😂...twentytwowords.com/woman-sells-ho…
Like many of you, we felt the need to do something to help Australia.
For every RT this gets we’ll donate $0.50 to @WIRES_NSW
- the largest wildlife rescue group in Australia.
Let’s help save our koalas and all other wildlife together ♥️ #AustraliaBushfires #CameosForAustralia
You know you’re an adult when being the oldest is no longer cool.
It’s possible you might be immortal. Nothing has killed you yet.
If colleges didn’t get paid until their graduates got paid, colleges would work a lot harder to get their graduates high paying jobs.
The phrase “You only live once” applies to both living dangerously and living cautiously.
Tall people are just vertically thick.
My parents don’t realise i’m a pretty good kid compared to a lot of teenager nowadays.
The age when you are most useless (0-4 yo) is also the age when you get the most compliments.
You can make the same exact dish mom makes for dinner and follow the same instructions and for some damn reason moms food is better.