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Shower Thoughts

Being a millennial is like trying to win a game of Monopoly, but all the other players have already been playing for three hours, and every property is owned and has a hotel on it.
It’s really f**ked up that a lot of people see their bosses more than their families.
1h
This Is What Happens When You Cheat On Your Boyfriend!😂😂..twentytwowords.com/this-is-what-h…x6
2h
There is a whole generation of people who will read “West Philadelphia” and can’t stop themselves from adding “born and raised” in their head.
3h
When it comes to hot food, there are two types of people, you either blow your food until it cools down or you just go HASAHKFNSJGJKF until you can chew it.
5h
If someday human teleportation becomes real, people will still be late for work.
8h
Some of the most brilliant and wise people always end up being the most depressed simply because they’re more aware of their situation than others.
Home is where the air smells like nothing.
The deep ocean is fu**ing terrifying, which is probably why people decided space was a better option.
There possibly exists an animal so adept at camouflage that we will never know it exists.
You know someone’s comfortable with you when they stop cleaning their house before you come over.
Your inner voice is (in general) a way better singer than you are.
The first humans who ate crabs must have been really hungry to try and eat an armoured sea spider.
I listen to music so often that sometimes I measure how long it takes me to do something based on the amount of songs I listened to doing it.
Laughing is so weird. You just stare at the other person with your mouth wide open making ridiculous sounds and sometimes you can’t stop.
The word “Only” can be added anywhere to the sentence “She said she loved him” and make another grammatically correct sentence.
The real walk of shame is going back to your friends after bowling a gutter ball.
Doing something alone is kind of sad, but doing it solo is cool af.
High schoolers in TV shows use their locker more often in one episode than a real high schooler does in a year.
The ‘Friend Zone’ Is a Real and Heartbreaking Place!😂😂..twentytwowords.com/20-photos-that…Re
The best thing about dogs is you can act like something good happened and they’ll celebrate. They’re always ready to party no matter what!
People always say that once something is on the internet, it’s there forever, but good luck EVER finding that one funny picture you didn’t save.
Your date of birth could be a completely made up and you would never know.
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Retweeted by Shower Thoughts
Currently, you’re procrastinating something.
I used to think I was in a bad mood but it’s been a couple of years now so I guess this is just who I am now.
The line between “drugs will destroy your life” and “we’ll destroy your life if we catch you doing drugs” is apparently a really blurry one.
People Who Get 12/12 On This Are Actually Geniuses!... magiquiz.com/quiz/only-true…
I don’t dislike mornings. I dislike being woken up and having to do a bunch of stuff right after.
Pregnancy is like a group project where one person gets stuck with all the work.
“Muffins” backward is exactly what you want to do when you take them out the oven.
Someone you don’t even know exists will one day make a decision that will change your life.
Man Gets Revenge On Craigslist Scammer In the Most Satisfying Way Imaginable!😅😅..twentytwowords.com/man-gets-reven…jd
A snake that is 3.14 meters long is a π-thon.
I stay up late because after 10PM is the only time of day that no one expects me to do anything for them.
With the rise of self driving cars, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where the guy’s truck leaves him too.
These Grandparents Are Hilariously Trying To Figure Out Facebook!!😂...twentytwowords.com/these-grandpar…6
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
How come when a house is haunted the ghost is always from the 1700s? Imagine a ghost from 2007 screaming “IT’S BRITNEY, B*TCH” at 3AM
You know that sound you hear when you close the fridge and something falls? That’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
Photos Show How the ‘Ideal’ Body Type Has Changed Over Centuries!😲😲..twentytwowords.com/these-photos-s…Wy
I wonder how many times I randomly pop up in someone’s head like they do in mine.
We spend 25% of our life learning how we are gonna pay for the 75%.
What if depressed people are actually just the ones who see the world for what it really is?
I swear some songs have noises in the background that make you think your mum is calling you from downstairs and it gets me every time.
You may think you’re good in bed, but how much do you actually know about it?😉😉..magiquiz.com/quiz/can-you-p…Hg
The caffeinated me has really got to stop making plans with people for the depressed me.
As an introvert, I get super happy when anyone texts me before I text them, even if it’s a close friend.
I wish that dreams had an ‘auto-save’ feature so that when you’re woken up in the middle of a good one, you could pick up where you left off the next time you fall asleep.
Adulthood is like the vet, and we’re all dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we were going.
 
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