The Onion

All Photos Twitter.com
Study: 90% Of Plane Landings Just Barely Pulled Off bit.ly/2XBKTnM
Husband Experimenting With Open Marriage bit.ly/3hUByyJ
Susan G. Komen Foundation Launches Deep Space Probe To Bring Breast Cancer Awareness To Rest Of Galaxy bit.ly/34bqC8o
10 Morally Reprehensible Turtles Who Deserved To Get Their Heads Stuck In Plastic Rings bit.ly/3hTfQvh
How U.S. Schools Are Staying Safe From Covid: bit.ly/3nRy1oH
Just because they’re your mom and dad and they bought you a place in the city, doesn’t mean they have your love and respect bit.ly/3zyWCRj
Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep bit.ly/2W3Ag9K
Inspired Film Executive Has Great Idea For Budget Of Film bit.ly/3lPAIoj
Pay us money for the privilege of becoming a walking advertisement for The Onion bit.ly/2XOa5YT
American People Hire High-Powered Lobbyist To Push Interests In Congress bit.ly/3CwYCvt
Millionaire Robert Durst Found Guilty Of First-Degree Murder bit.ly/2ZdPZYh #WhatDoYouThink?
How To Lose Weight Fast bit.ly/3rOAIFX
Hospital ICUs At Capacity With Reporters Covering Anti-Vaxxers Dying From Covid bit.ly/2XMYN71
Capitalist Heroes! This Vape Company has Found a Way to Monetize Sadness bit.ly/3tWWs56 #sponsored #onionlabs @truthorange
Celebrity Sighting! The Raccoon Sly Cooper Was Based On Just Made A Public Appearance For The First Time In Years To Bite A Child bit.ly/2XDow1X
Signs Your Landlord Is Definitely Taking Advantage Of You bit.ly/3lKVipN
This Week's Editorial Cartoon: bit.ly/3nUWee2
Hundreds Of Migrating Songbirds Crash Into NYC Skyscrapers bit.ly/3Aw5UyP #WhatDoYouThink?
"'Can you please state your full name for the record?'" bit.ly/3hPn2bC
Study: Marijuana Ranks Among Best Treatment For Persistent Existence bit.ly/3kv86Bn
Grown Men Inspired By Stupid Little Sign Hanging In Locker Room bit.ly/3hQMtcS
Neither Boss Nor Employee Paid Enough To Deal With Each Other bit.ly/3Crp6yo
Series Of Grave Errors Results In Jeff And Kim's 5th Anniversary bit.ly/3ECRZK0
Poll Finds Only 83% Of New Yorkers Visit Statue Of Liberty Every Day bit.ly/2ZhE0Jm
Cooking Class Instructor Can Already Tell Which Couples Signed Up Based On Marriage Counselor’s Recommendation bit.ly/2VUoxxo
Just the right amount of mug, every time bit.ly/2XwmXCy
What Your Therapist Is Actually Thinking About You While You're Talking bit.ly/3AwMqKA
Report: All The People, Living Their Lives, Where Are They Going bit.ly/3zxfQHm
Relieved Ecologists Announce Rising Sea Levels Were Due To Clump Of Hair Clogging Drain At Bottom of Ocean bit.ly/3EAoEjj
Study Finds First 72 Hours Crucial To Determining Whether Missing Person Case Goes Viral bit.ly/3CA4CDP
Beneath Veneer Of Perfect Suburban Life Lies Pleasant Family With Several Fun Lawn Games bit.ly/3nQhbqv
U.S. Dispatches Condolence Drones To Middle East Following Civilian Casualties bit.ly/3nNmqqQ
Here are several questions every couple should ask each other before saying "I do." bit.ly/3hPsgEl
British Courts Seal Prince Philip’s Will For 90 Years bit.ly/2Z9uNm9 #WhatDoYouThink?
So-Called Diehard Fan Won’t Even Leap Over Stadium Railing To Catch T-Shirt bit.ly/3hSebGi
Archaeologists Discover Neolithic People Took Couple Weekend Trips To Get Feel For North America Before Deciding To Migrate Across Land Bridge bit.ly/2XHW3YH
Signs Your Partner Is Not Sexually Satisfied bit.ly/3nXKZkK
"The officials in charge of the jury selection process would never dream of interfering with someone who is busy." bit.ly/3knTjbq
Seal Lying In Sunbeam Could Be Depressed And You’d Never Know bit.ly/2XHdPeG
Scientists Identify Key Conditions To Set Up Creative ‘Hot Streak’ bit.ly/3lGnbzs #WhatDoYouThink?
T.J. Maxx Recreates In-Store Shopping Experience With New Website That Randomly Scatters Products All Over The Place bit.ly/3ki0vWp
Disney World Forced To Euthanize Character That Attacked Visitor bit.ly/3Eswcob
10 Over-The-Top Letters From The Alphabet bit.ly/3Coaeks
Jeff Bezos Assures Amazon Employees That HR Working 100 Hours A Week To Address Their Complaints bit.ly/3lBeQNm
Ticketed Motorist Pointing Finger Just The Green Light Cop Needed bit.ly/3lwv5LD
Michael Strahan Gives Passionate Speech About Being Black In America While Terry Bradshaw Patiently Waits to Discuss ‘Buick Keys To Success’ bit.ly/3lwyF8t
Fraternity Members To Undergo Racial Sensitivity Hazing bit.ly/39uKYwB
Woman Who Had Almost Formed Healthy Sense Of Self Rejoins Social Media bit.ly/3nLP5fQ
Man Regrets Straying From Sour Cream And Onion Potato Chips bit.ly/2XrVP87
A Look Back At The Career Of Peyton Manning: The Greatest Of All Time, Depending On Who You Ask, At Least Based On Passing Numbers bit.ly/3Cdw1ey
Twiends™ uses the Twitter™ API, displays it's logo & trademarks, and is not endorsed or certified by them. These items remain the property of Twitter. We do not sell followers, we only provide display advertising. Bots & fake accounts are not permitted on twiends. © 2009
Grow Your Twitter Free
Want To Grow Your Twitter?
We help other people find and follow you on Twitter.
Key Info:
Started in 2009
Over 6 million signups
Country targeting provided
We never auto tweet to your timeline
We never auto follow others
We actively moderate our community
Please Share
Please upgrade your browser  chrome