Texts From Last Night

All Photos Twitter.com 18 hours ago
"Blew a lot of money trying to make it work, only to realize I wasn't going to make any money without screwing my friends." ruinmyweek.com/confessions/ml… 😥💸
"We just don't see very many people with a larger body like yours" ruinmyweek.com/tiktok/body-sh…
(402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high?
Trader Joe’s? You mean the peanut butter cup store?
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You're probably thinking "what do all of these pictures even have in common?" Well, I'll tell you: absolutely nothing. And that's the way we like it. pleated-jeans.com/2022/05/22/wee…
(305): The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So many funny jokes to choose from, but we think we got the top ones, for the most part. pleated-jeans.com/2022/05/22/fun…
Imagine how excited Barn Owls were when humans invented barns.
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No wonder so many of these were guarded by NDAs. ruinmyweek.com/confessions/nd…
Maybe your parents aren't so lame after all? ruinmyweek.com/nostalgia/prev…
I mean, they *could* have, but in our expert opinion...not so much... pleated-jeans.com/2022/05/21/did…
Wholesome (mostly.) Hilarious (mostly). And/or random. What more could you want in a pic dump? pleated-jeans.com/2022/05/21/wee…
(559): Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
"I don’t wanna call the divorce card but.. divorce." ruinmyweek.com/reddit/aita/wo…
Logically the best time to kick someone is when they are down
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Just some good old (mostly) wholesome hilarity to go with your morning coffee. pleated-jeans.com/2022/05/21/sat…
"As I was running, I heard the I-35 bridge collapse behind me up the river" ruinmyweek.com/confessions/da…
a veggie tales character named megan thee scallion
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(313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"38 with no kids is younger than 26 with 3 kids." pleated-jeans.com/2022/05/20/twe…
"The wedding font...you know the font." ruinmyweek.com/wedding/annoyi…
Liza Minnelli has outlived Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant and Kyle Mooney’s time at Saturday Night Live. The three cast mates, along with Pete Davidson, are all leaving the show.
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(908): Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
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