Texts From Last Night

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In no particular order of hilarity or utter randomness. pleated-jeans.com/2021/10/18/mor…
(817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey man. do you have about three hours to answer some questions about your shirt
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(405): i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it. (1-405): i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you're not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. True happiness comes from making bizarre impulse purchases online, not from another person.
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I mean, they *could* have, but in our expert opinion...not so much... pleated-jeans.com/2021/10/17/thi…
You're probably thinking "what do all of these pictures even have in common?" Well, I'll tell you: absolutely nothing. And that's the way we like it. pleated-jeans.com/2021/10/17/wee…
The phone charger be right there and I still don't feel like plugging it in 😂
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(201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal.
🤗 25+ People Sharing Good News And Wholesome Moments From This Weekpltdjns.com/nv9Jw
men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and have eye contact
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(812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them
if you write “keep it together, man” without the comma you end up creating a new superhero named “keep it together man” and frankly if there’s one guy we need right now it’s him.
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So many funny jokes to choose from, but we think we got the top ones, for the most part. pleated-jeans.com/2021/10/16/fun…
Just some good old (mostly) wholesome hilarity to go with your morning coffee. pleated-jeans.com/2021/10/16/fun…
triscuits would be three sided. these are quadscuits
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He let these thoughts plague him for an entire year. ruinmyweek.com/trending/showe…
"no matter what I do people are going to talk about my body" ruinmyweek.com/trending/halse…
(904): We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
her: baby shower sunday, can you make it? me: I’ll try [later] Home Depot guy: this is the smallest tile we have buddy
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