Top Conservative Cat (cat/cat)

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BREAKING: Big Bird arrested in Texas on charges of treason and child endangerment for getting a vaccine on Sesame Street. Gov. Greg Abbott instructs Attorney General to ask for the death panel, saying “an example needs to be made”.
As a Conservative Republican, I want a government small enough to give me total freedom, but big enough to oppress people I don’t like, and run by people I can blame for all my own problems. That’s all I ask.
Texas Republicans require schools to teach BOTH SIDES of ASTRONOMY, after studies show that kids don’t know that the Sun and all the planets and stars revolve around the Earth in a firmament as proven in the Bible.
Gov. Greg Abbott: “Biden’s vaccine mandate is a total violation of our freedom and rights. That’s why I signed an executive order requiring all businesses in Texas to inject their employees and their families with smallpox.”
SIDE EFFECTS OF COVID VACCINE include health and safety for you, your family, neighbors, and coworkers, as well as a successful Biden presidency. So no Republican should take such a dangerous drug!
1st Amendment religious freedom protects Texas’ right to be a an Oil Theocracy, so HOW DARE YOU criticize them! twitter.com/ElieNYC/status…
SUPREME COURT rules 6-3 that White Conservatives can use the N-word and not be accused of racism on the grounds that they heard a black rapper use it in a song once.
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY 1,191,100 Arizonans voted for Sen. Kyrsten Sinema to dodge questions.
TEXAS REPUBLICANS pass new FREEDOM MANDATES requiring all citizens to spread COVID to at least one neighbor, family member or coworker (preferably by shouting at them) by November 1st or lose the right to vote.
I mean, there’s already a vaccine out there that prevents CANCER and people refuse to vaccinate their children with it because they think it will…make them have sex or something.
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THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD ONLY TELL WOMEN AND GAYS WHAT THEY CAN DO WITH THEIR BODIES, NOT ME! The Constitution protects MY freedom.
“Streamlining the process” is my favorite euphemism for cheating since “walking the Appalachian Trail.” twitter.com/RonFilipkowski…
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This was satire when I wrote it in 2014, but COVID makes it read like prophecy now. twitter.com/TeaPartyCat/st…
I DID MY OWN RESEARCH so I can do open heart surgery and make Big Buck$ now. Those dumb “Medical Schools” and “State Review Boards” are infringing on my FREEDOM!!!
The 2nd Amendment clearly states “A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free State, guns and militias must not be regulated in any way.”
I mean, who'd ever guess that Donald Trump would ever lie about an audit.
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My religion also requires that I yell at everyone who disagrees with me or is different than me, so yelling back is disrespecting my religion
BUT I CAN’T GET THE VACCINE because my religion requires that I spread all my infectious diseases to everyone I do business with or yell at.
Have to spend money to make money. That’s capitalism, bro. twitter.com/RBReich/status…
Also easier to complain about than solve problems twitter.com/LOLGOP/status/…
I call upon the woodpeckers to stop drilling holes in my trees. twitter.com/andrew_chung_/…
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TEXAS REPUBLICANS pass new voting law that forbids vaccinated citizens from voting because of concerns the Chinese are controlling people through 5G MICROCHIPS in COVID vaccine.
VACCINE SIDE EFFECTS: Of the 181,000,000 Americans who got the COVID vaccine, most report some arm tenderness, fatigue for up to 24 hours, and lingering impatience with fools who won’t get vaccinated.
America has three branches of government: the Senate parliamentarian, the White House counsel’s office, and the shadow docket.
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COVID only spreads when the cameras are off. Duh! twitter.com/TristanSnell/s…
FDA to approve COVID vaccines for adults who act like 5-11 year olds.
Every Speech that Supreme Court Justices Have Given for the Past Few Weeks, If You Replaced ‘Is the Supreme Court Becoming Increasingly Partisan and Losing Its Credibility as an Institution?’ With ‘Does the Supreme Court Have a Rodent Problem?’ washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/…
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I think everyone is ignoring the real story here: Australia needs those submarines to fight a rogue kangaroo navy.
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TYPICAL LIBERAL BIAS!!! On Fox News they reported that “Alabama had double digit increases in number of Christians entering Heaven due to citizens choosing church and Trump rallies over masks and vaccines.” twitter.com/kaitlancollins…
“Thank you all for your comments about how masks might traumatize children. You can pick your kids up after we complete our scheduled active shooter drill.”
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I got my vaccine exemption from the Universal Church of Christian Entitlement.
Bob Woodward's next blockbuster book is titled "Complicit". It's about a famous journalist who learns of nearly unimaginable corruption at the highest levels of government but waits until his book deal is done and advance is paid before sharing with the world.
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CAN ANYONE REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED IN THE CIVIL WAR??? I can’t remember ever since they took down all the statues. HELP!!!
Joe Biden just said everyone who doesn’t get vaccinated is required to see Dear Evan Hansen in theatres
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We didn’t have any 17-year cicadas while Trump was President, only under Biden. Shameful. We must reinstate Trump on September 17 and he’ll make America quiet again!
Next thing you know, the government will require parents to send their children to school.
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Trump is extremely dedicated to preserving the memory of famous losers.
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We wanted to understand if masking school children is an effective way to prevent the spread of COVID. So we talked to three incels at a Smashburger in Paramus.
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Following the Strict Originalist interpretation of the Constitution, SUPREME COURT RULES 6-3 NULLIFYING ALL AMENDMENTS ratified after 1791 on the grounds that they weren’t passed by the original voters.
Taking down a statue of a White Supremacist Traitor is a slippery slope that, before you know it, could end up with a country where veneration of White Supremacist Treason is replaced by something terrifying like All Men Are Created Equal. SAVE US, WHITE REPUBLICAN JESUS!
So he’s had the power to eliminate rape all along but chose not to? twitter.com/KXAN_News/stat…
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Just broke my leg, but don’t worry, I’ll just take some horse laxative and it’ll heal up fine. No need to go see some stuck-up “doctor” with his fancy-pants “x-rays”. I’m not giving Big Cast any more money, no sir!
Supreme Court rules 6-3 upholding Texas’ ban on vegetables.
SUPREME COURT breaks up with Women’s rights via text. Won’t even pickup the phone. Can’t even be bothered to give the it’s not you it’s me speech. Ice cold.
Conservatives just want to be left alone while they obsess over how everyone else lives their lives.
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