Bruce Swedal

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Because you entertain a thought, does not mean you accept it.
You can’t solve the problem the same way you created it.
If you do not participate in conflict, it will not exist.
It may seem like a lot now, but will it still matter in a year?
A rich man buying you something means nothing, but a busy man giving you his time means everything.
Those who say it can’t be done, should not interrupt those doing them.
Don’t wish for an easy life, wish for the strength to endure a difficult life.
The sky is not the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
Is it normal to lock the car doors more than once as you walk away?
I'm still not sure what Grampa meant by, your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
When your young, you play with them. As you get older, you start losing them.
Happiness is about enjoying what you have.
I have a built in alarm clock called a bladder and unfortunately there isn’t a snooze button.
I spilled coffee on my white shirt within five minutes of arriving at work, but my coworker brought bagels. It seems that life is all about balance.
Never piss off a woman, they remember things that haven’t even happened yet!
Would botox help my face to stop reacting to things before my brain has a chance to weigh in on the subject?
The purpose of the little toe is to make sure all the furniture is in the right place.
Pets will eat anything until you put a pill in it. Then they turn into Gordon Ramsey.
55 and still love watching an episode of Tom and Jerry.
Every time my wife repeats herself, I'm just wondering why she didn't tell me this sooner.
One of the best things about being an adult is not having to randomly run a mile in the middle of the day and carry on as if it never happened like back in school.
It appears that common sense is anything but...
Just like skunks, bankers and lawyers are better from a distance.
To everyone else getting coal for Christmas, we should link up and get the grill going.
Surround yourself with people who talk about ideas and visions, not other people.
Currently helping my wife search for the chocolate I ate last night.
Siri should know who I’m talking about when I ask “who’s that actress in that movie I don’t like?”
Did counting crows ever come up with a final number???
My grandpa used to tell me to forgive my enemies… it messes with their heads.
When confronted with a challenge, look for a solution, not an escape.
I can't be the only one that uses songs to measure time. It took me seven songs to get here. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
I wish I could find that restaurant named “I don't care,” so I would finally know the place my wife was talking about.
If by “crunches” you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, then yes I do crunches.
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, ‘You should’ve been here at 8.30!’ He replies. ‘Why? What happened at 8.30?’
A guy sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. Opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later a knock on the door. He opens it to the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’
Life is about how you deal with the puddles.
What do you mean you forgot where you parked? Your shopping online.
Tossing and turning at night should be considered exercise.
Just because you’re going five miles an hour over the speed limit, doesn’t mean you can drive the left lane. Some of us are trying to break the law for real!
Yes, There's more than one way to skin a cat, but people usually freak out and call the cops before you're done with the first.
My friend tony asked me not to say his name backwards I said y not?
Three Conspiracy Theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that was a coincidence!
I’m pretty excited. Our loan was approved. We close on a full tank of gas come Thursday.
Tried to pull up my sleeve and accidentally punched myself. It's okay, I've had it coming for some time now.
Scars remind us that the past was real..
My friend used to be addicted to flashing their bum in public... but that was many moons ago.
I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked... now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
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