Stephen Colbert

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Darth Vader's voice will now be recreated by artificial intelligence. The computer that does it looks awesome, other than that small, unprotected vent leading straight to its core.
Italy has taken a hard-right turn, making it even harder for Stanley Tucci to find.
The Dow                     Leaves                     🤝                   Falling
Tonight! @oliviawilde talks Don't Worry Darling and addresses the rumors. Turns out, I didn't spit on Chris Pine, either!
Last night's Chiefs/Chargers game was on Amazon, so Patrick Mahomes wasn't allowed a bathroom break.
Congratulations to Roger Federer on an amazing tennis career and being named the new QB of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
British Peloton canceled a weekend of classes to honor the late Queen. So, out of respect, l also will continue not to use my Peloton.
How it started: How it's going:
For those who didn’t go to law school: a “special master” is just a regular master topped with with a mix of mayo, ketchup, and relish.
Are you #GoodToVote? Check your status at HeadCount.org/Colbert and you'll be entered to win a trip to NYC and VIP tickets to a taping of The Late Show! Don't delay, enter today! cc: @benandjerrys & @HeadCountOrg
Retweeted by Stephen Colbert
Congratulations to our new band leader @realLouisCato and The Late Show Band!!
Retweeted by Stephen Colbert
Okay, GOP, you win: we should arrest whoever appointed FBI Director Christopher Wray.
Thrilled to be at Thule Air Base in northern Greenland, spending the whole day with Guardians and Airmen! Or maybe it’s the night? 24 hours of sun is freaking me out. #SemperSupra
They tracked down al-Zawahiri after 21 years. Sleep lightly, Carmen Sandiego.
Louis Cato and the Stay Human band climbed up to the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater for a killer performance of "Look Within" from @realLouisCato's album 'Starting Now.' Give it a listen!
Retweeted by Stephen Colbert
I can't believe the Supreme Court overturned the Choco Taco.
With climate change denial, it ain’t the heat, it's the stupidity.
So excited for the DnD movie. I hear Helen Mirren is fantastic as the 20-sided die. #SDCC
I sure hope Joe Manchin has room on his yacht for two of every species.
The new "Silver Surfer" movie looks great!
Congratulations to the best writers, producers, staff, band, and crew in the biz on The Late Show's 5 Emmy noms! I'm lucky to work with you. #LSSC
Today’s EPA ruling on carbon emissions will help bring us closer to the Founder's vision for America: one without a Florida.
If the Supreme Court is going to allow prayer in the middle of a high school football field, they should allow high school football games in the middle of a church.
Imagine the danger that Secret Service agent could have been in if the ex-president had adult-sized hands.
R.E.M. lied to me about the end of the world as we know it. I do not feel fine.
There are enough bad Supreme Court rulings in the last month for a whole new "We Didn’t Start The Fire."
Polio has been detected in London sewage samples. So remember, splashing around in London’s sewers might be unhealthy.
I love the new “King Lear.”
The next season of "The Gilded Age" is weird.
I’m proud to accept a 2022 #BradyAward from @bradybuzz. Please join us at the free virtual gala tonight! bradyunited.org/act/action-awa…
On #LSSC tonight: The Trump campaign made a fraud fund to fight their own fraud.
Retweeted by Stephen Colbert
I also didn't win the 2020 presidential election. $250 million, please!
A new book from an old friend. Grief is hard to talk about, but this book does it beautifully. modernloss.com/the-modern-los…
My only worry about the hearings is that they’ll release the first half and then make us wait a whole month to find out why Vecna wanted to hang Mike Pence.
Before you decide if the former president is responsible for the Capitol riots, remember that in America you’re innocent until proven guilty, then proven guilty again, then proven guilty again and they hold a hearing in primetime to show everyone how you’re really, really guilty.
Right now, the Jan. 6th committee is frantically searching for the perfect Kate Bush song.
This calls for a celebration. Party at 10 Downing Street!
Terry Gross is a national treasure, an unparalleled host, and now a @PeabodyAwards winner. Congratulations to @nprfreshair on the Peabody Institutional Award. youtube.com/watch?v=pl8mkT…
Seven movies in, I'm starting to suspect that most of the Missions are possible.
When I put together this incredible group, I had two requirements: 1) They had to be accomplished comedians with a passion for helping the next generation. 2) They had to be cool with me being first, even though the rest of the list is alphabetical. twitter.com/TheSecondCity/…
I’m footloose and Covid free! See you tomorrow.
It's Stevie Wonder's birthday and Friday the 13th. I hope he's not very superstitious.
“Okay, now let’s do a silly one.”
Fortune* Favours** the Brave*** *crypto currency **deeply screws ***retail investors
I'm surprised Jose Altuve got hit in the groin since his testicles were told in advance what pitch was coming.
I can’t believe how gullible Susan Collins is. But Susan Collins can.
I’m attending the Mr. Met Gala. (Rihanna’s wearing a giant baseball head, and Jared Leto‘s eating ice cream out of a tiny batting helmet!)
.@JKCorden Congratulations, James, on what will be eight incredible years at CBS. 12:30 won’t be the same without you. But looking forward to your exciting adventures as the new Doctor Who!
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