VeryBritishProblems

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The plug grins menacingly, as it lays quietly on its back and waits for his next bare-footed enemy to approach.
“What do you do in your spare time?” “Worry. Look at my phone. Sleep. Make hot drinks. Telly. Stare into the distance. Consider mowing the lawn. Ponder the meaning of life. Online shopping. Regret. Social media. Wait in for deliveries that never arrive. That’s about it.
Ooh, the 2022 Very British Problems wall and desk calendars are available to pre-order. Now these really do sell out like lovely hot cakes, so order quick! calendarclub.co.uk/humour/general…
If you like my gentle jokes about nothing much, please do feel free to buy me a hot drink (would really appreciate it). Certainly need it now it’s getting colder. Bit chilly. Need a big coat soon! #supportVBP ko-fi.com/robtemple
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To tea or not to tea? That is the (easily answerable) question. verybritishproblemstshirts.com/product/tea-ho…
You, the people, have decided!
Jump out of bed, throw open the curtains and shout “don’t cross me today, world, I’m not in the mood, don’t even think about annoying me. And don’t answer back. Thanks.” #motivation
The kings and queens of late 20 somethings 1990s dinner party music Air Dido The Avalanches David Gray Morchceeba Seal Lighthouse Family Crowded House Fugees Eagle Eye Cherry A few Blur songs Any more?
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Honest answer in the hairdressers: “How’s the water temperature?” A: “Like you’re pouring a kettle over my head” B: “It’s so cold I’m worried my ears will get frost bite and fall off into the sink”
Brit 1: “There’s a new drama on” Brit 2: “What’s it about?” Brit 1 “I don’t know but’s it’s got that guy you like in it and the woman you liked in that other thing” Brit 2 knows exactly who the two actors are.
Being allowed to cross the road, so breaking into a jog that's the same speed as walking.
“Put the kettle on” “Why what’s happened?” (Possible reason A: nothing, just thirsty) (Possible reason B: incoming apocalypse)
How to get out of a stag or hen do: “No thank you”
Oh god I was going to go to sleep but more internet keeps appearing.
Honest work meeting: Brit 1: “So, thoughts?” Brit 2: “I’m quite confused by everything you just said” Brit 1: “Yes, even I don’t really know what I meant” Brit 2: “I’m also tired and hungry” Brit 1: “Same”
If you like this page and it gives you a giggle, if you fancy donating a few quid towards it I’ll pray you never stub your toe again. And I mean that. It’s been a hard enough year without that happening. ko-fi.com/robtemple
“How was your day?” “Don’t”
Remember when it was too hot and we wanted some rain? Well here we are.
Been a tough year, due to health and job stuff, hospitals etc. Oh, and that virus thing. If you fancy lending a coffee we can keep the VBP train rolling forever, or til you wake up on it, dizzy at a coastal station, wondering “the hell am I doing here?” ko-fi.com/robtemple
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Humor writer & founder of the @SoVeryBritish Twitter account @RobTemple101 has a new book out, *Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious*, chronicling his attempt to reinvent himself as intrepid traveller, bee-keeper & yogi | @DailyMail buff.ly/3C4s2ke
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Been a tough year, due to health and job stuff, hospitals etc. Oh, and that virus thing. If you fancy lending a coffee we can keep the VBP train rolling forever, or til you wake up on it, dizzy at a coastal station, wondering “the hell am I doing here?” ko-fi.com/robtemple
Retweeted by VeryBritishProblems
There is no more inflated ego than that of someone who runs their local community Facebook page.
Put some coins in the jar (click link) and jokes will pour down like rain on a British summer’s day. 🙏 ko-fi.com/robtemplef
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Don’t forget you can buy #verybritishproblems tops in discount bundle deals. Treat someone! bit.ly/3z4IQWm
Motivational quote spotted today. Today is another chance to be the best you that you can be. Oh jog on. All you’re doing is sitting on your phone and typing like the rest of us. Which is fine, by the way.
“Might go to bed… it’s like… midnight” *looks at watch - 19:24*
Wait for unknown number call to end Copy number Paste into Google See how many consider it safe 98% safe Block
Put some coins in the jar (click link) and jokes will pour down like rain on a British summer’s day. 🙏 ko-fi.com/robtemplef
“Yeah, not bad, getting there” - Translation: Life is falling apart verybritishproblemstshirts.com/product/not-ba…
Britain: a country of people trying not to stand in front of the supermarket sandwiches past their imaginary allotted time.
“Why are you tired all the time?” *gestures at everything, lies back down*
Been a tough year, due to health and job stuff, hospitals etc. Oh, and that virus thing. If you fancy lending a coffee we can keep the VBP train rolling forever, or til you wake up on it, dizzy at a coastal station, wondering “the hell am I doing here?” ko-fi.com/robtemple
Retweeted by VeryBritishProblems
“You’re on mute!” “I know! It’s great! Let’s all do it!”
You’re lovely and you overwhelm me and I want to stare into your eyes and transmit feelings of gratitude.
Been a tough year, due to health and job stuff, hospitals etc. Oh, and that virus thing. If you fancy lending a coffee we can keep the VBP train rolling forever, or til you wake up on it, dizzy at a coastal station, wondering “the hell am I doing here?” ko-fi.com/robtemple
Nearly 30°C! It’s a beautiful day for watching telly.
Can’t put a wheelie bin away after it’s been emptied without having a little peek inside. It’s illegal.
Britain in September: “Oh hi! July here! Sorry I’m late!!!”
Please send a coffee (or tea) to keep this silly little page going. I live in a box trying to make glum Brits laugh. Have you… lost weight? You look fab! In fact, you always look luminous regardless of size or shape! I love you, dear readers. ko-fi.com/robtemple
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There’s no such thing as an “awkward silence” Silence is lovely. “Awkward talking” is the worst. Long live silences!
Working for a utilities company “live chat”: 1. No matter the problem, say, “Sorry to hear you’re having problems, please DM your name, account number, DOB and address and we’re here to help” 2. Never reply to anything the customer says 3. Log off. Maybe have a little sleep
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