VeryBritishProblems

All Photos Twitter.com 18 hours ago
And no points for “I usually eat with my mouth”
There are two types of people when it comes to takeaway pizza. Which are you?
British responses to “what have you been up to recently?” This and that Nothing much really Keeping busy Oh you know, the usual Same old Staying out of trouble Can’t remember Don’t ask Keeping my head down Just work / work’s been manic Just boring stuff. You?
Different families have different names for this.
“Indoor barbecue” - Cooking inside using the oven and then eating outside if it doesn’t rain.
Friday night again. Well done to everyone who made it through another week despite having no clue what you’re doing.
"Each to their own" - Translation: You're wrong, but never mind.
How to make your email more unique: swap any of the following words for “hope” in “I hope this email finds you well” Bet Guarantee Pray Expect Said Accept Guess Agree Prefer Recognise Announce Suggest Confirm Estimate Promise Order Pretend
“It’s so warm, I’m baking!” “Cup of boiling hot leaf water?” “Yes please”
“Basically you need one of every type of clothes”
“What’s the weather like today?” “It’s bright and sunny, hang on now there’s a storm, oh it’s gone nice again, warm, actually it’s just gone cold, but at least it’s not windy, hang on the washing just blew away, but it’s definitely bright, oh wait it’s gone pitch black…”
The new range of Very British Problems birthday cards (@thortful) is here! Six to choose from. thortful.com/cards/very-bri…
Retweeted by VeryBritishProblems
Weather’s gone full “Jurassic Park”
Being allowed to cross the road, so breaking into a jog that's the same speed as walking.
It’s a leg-out-of-the-duvet sort of night.
25°C. We’ll pay for this.
Meanings of “you look well” 1. You look well 2. You looked particularly bad when we last met 3. You look larger than last time 4. You look quite red 5. You look unwell 6. I have no recollection of how you looked last time, I just say this to everyone
It’s already 20°C. Should’ve worn the thinner cardigan.
“With all due respect” - Translation: You’re wrong and I’ve had enough of you. Oh, and the respect I believe you’re due is none.
A British person accepting a compliment: “You look nice” “Ugh, no I don’t, I look absolutely awful, but thank you”
Getting the right amount of potatoes: “That looks about the right amount, so let’s add a couple more for luck, then another couple because we can always save them, then another couple… now that’s obviously far too many potatoes. So just another couple. And then one more.”
“Is that my phone? Can you answer it?!” Nope.
Feel like this should be trending most days in the UK to be honest.
Good work to all the ice cream vans out there today. Much appreciated 👍
The temperature is above 20°C. Men will go topless in cars and supermarkets. Legs will see daylight. Brits will tell each other they’ve caught the sun. Lawnmowers will mow. Wasps will attack. Sausages will burn. Pillows will turn. It will feel chilly when the sun goes in.
I’ve left the washing out and gone out without a jacket. Apologies for the torrential rain and blizzard that will now hit the nation.
That Friday Feeling: Tired
Works well in offices, trains, busses and libraries.
Try this game in a busy public space with a friend: - Each get a cup of tea - Take it in turns to have a sip of your respective teas and, after each sip, make the “aaah!” noise of tea appreciation - You must get gradually louder with each sip - Whoever goes the loudest wins
Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit.
Phrases that mean nothing will happen: Leave it with me I’ll have a word I’ll see what I can find Consider it done! I’ll make some calls I’ll think about it Certainly a possibility Let’s come back to that Good idea Maybe It’s on my list Might see you down there I’ll look into it
Retweeted by VeryBritishProblems
Very British Problems with hay fever. amzn.to/3LGBJuv
“Yeah, no probs” - Translation: Actually many probs.
The new range of Very British Problems birthday cards (@thortful) is here! Six to choose from. thortful.com/cards/very-bri…
Retweeted by VeryBritishProblems
The Brit, inches from the abyss, with no way back, only eternal nothingness in front of them and thousands of broken dreams and lost hopes lying shattered and scattered behind, will consider the situation, let out a deep sigh and utter their final words: “Could be worse”
A fascinating British telephone conversation: “Is it raining where you are?” “It was earlier but it’s stopped now” “It’s chucking it down here”
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