just tried to think of the word “nose” and it came out “face toe” you all have a great night
i’m so old, i remember when you could use three slurp juices on *one* ape
This Tweet Does Not Contain Any of the 8 Major Allergens -grogu
nothing satisfies me like sweet, sweet jizz
dunno about you, but it’s been a tough week and now it’s time to BLAST some JIZZ -grogu
does anyone want to live with the world’s strangest cat for a few months so i can sleep
the kevin conroy animated batman is the only real batman. RIP.
just tried to schedule an email for 8:68pm, so that’s where i’m at right now.
why does facebook keep trying to show me this picture? come on mark i do not think back on my school days fondly
if gmail’s the standard and chrome is so great, why can’t i goddamn open a couple emails in new windows and have that survive a restart? EUDORA DID THIS IN 1994
this is what twitter looked like when i was a kid - grogu
anyway you nice peopel have a grate day - grogu
GROGU STOP GIVE ME BACK MY ACCOU
WOULD A FAKE GROGO POST THIS
AS YOU CAN SEE FROM MY COMPUTER I AM FROM LONG AGO
twitter won't let me change my icon but i assure you i am the official Grogu® AMA about space
BREAKING: Massachusetts question 6 passed, making it illegal to cook a grilled cheese with mayonnaise on the outside. Huge win for butter advocates.
but what do i know, i won't be heralded as the greatest mind of our century until the mushroom people take control of earth in the year 3425
what they should do is sell Twitter Gold and when someone clicks your icon, your gold checkmark sparkles and it plays Smashmouth’s All Star
why are people out there toasting bagels when they could be deep-frying them? waste of technology
if 100 of you say you voted today, i will delete this photo of mountain dew fruit quake mixed into almond milk egg nog (refreshing!!!)
technically true unless i die
horse walks into a bar
i pour them a free drink because they have an “i voted” sticker
What's the most embarrassing thing someone could uncover about you?
i forgot to sleep if anyone wants to fight me (and lose)
standard time is horrible. it’s like living in Central Time, which we all agree is a bullshit time zone
Shout out to Björk. Easily one of the top three Guðmundsdóttirs of all time.
hope everyone’s butt is having an amazing day except for that one asshole
it’s got kind of a cranberry and spiced pineapple thing going on. tastes like the opposite of spending $44 billion on a website and regretting it.
oh no. it’s really good. did twitter go bankrupt?
Turns out I *am* qualified to be a tech CEO. And if your brain has more activity than a cabbage, so are you!
EYES WIDE SHUT WAS A ROM-COM
🍹🏖 Umbrella drinks are so confusing to me. Do they squeeze the juice out of the umbrellas after a rainstorm? Why aren’t they just called Rain Drinks then??