rstevens 🐳💨

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just tried to think of the word “nose” and it came out “face toe” you all have a great night
i’m so old, i remember when you could use three slurp juices on *one* ape
This Tweet Does Not Contain Any of the 8 Major Allergens -grogu
nothing satisfies me like sweet, sweet jizz
dunno about you, but it’s been a tough week and now it’s time to BLAST some JIZZ -grogu
does anyone want to live with the world’s strangest cat for a few months so i can sleep
PS: if I were casting a live action batman, there's only one option: @orvillepeck
the kevin conroy animated batman is the only real batman. RIP.
probably safe to drink?
just tried to schedule an email for 8:68pm, so that’s where i’m at right now. -grogu
can someone help jeffrey with his dreams? -grogu…
why does facebook keep trying to show me this picture? come on mark i do not think back on my school days fondly -grogu
if gmail’s the standard and chrome is so great, why can’t i goddamn open a couple emails in new windows and have that survive a restart? EUDORA DID THIS IN 1994 -grogu
this is what twitter looked like when i was a kid - grogu
anyway you nice peopel have a grate day - grogu
twitter won't let me change my icon but i assure you i am the official Grogu® AMA about space
Thank you Twitter for not completely collapsing before I could tell everyone that the Come As You Are Podcast launches NEXT WEEK!…
Retweeted by rstevens 🐳💨
BREAKING: Massachusetts question 6 passed, making it illegal to cook a grilled cheese with mayonnaise on the outside. Huge win for butter advocates.
but what do i know, i won't be heralded as the greatest mind of our century until the mushroom people take control of earth in the year 3425
what they should do is sell Twitter Gold and when someone clicks your icon, your gold checkmark sparkles and it plays Smashmouth’s All Star
why are people out there toasting bagels when they could be deep-frying them? waste of technology
if 100 of you say you voted today, i will delete this photo of mountain dew fruit quake mixed into almond milk egg nog (refreshing!!!)
technically true unless i die
horse walks into a bar i pour them a free drink because they have an “i voted” sticker
What's the most embarrassing thing someone could uncover about you?
i forgot to sleep if anyone wants to fight me (and lose)
standard time is horrible. it’s like living in Central Time, which we all agree is a bullshit time zone
if you hear from me often, it’s because you’re on one of my lists (in a good way) that i look at in @tweetbot (the only humane way to twitter)…
Shout out to Björk. Easily one of the top three Guðmundsdóttirs of all time.
hope everyone’s butt is having an amazing day except for that one asshole
it’s got kind of a cranberry and spiced pineapple thing going on. tastes like the opposite of spending $44 billion on a website and regretting it.
oh no. it’s really good. did twitter go bankrupt?
Turns out I *am* qualified to be a tech CEO. And if your brain has more activity than a cabbage, so are you!
Free post! Amelia answers an excellent question on exercise and completing the stress response cycle here:…
Retweeted by rstevens 🐳💨
happy best friends day
🍹🏖 Umbrella drinks are so confusing to me. Do they squeeze the juice out of the umbrellas after a rainstorm? Why aren’t they just called Rain Drinks then??
i really need to catch up on this, the only good podcast…
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