For those of you who doubt that the end is nigh, this is a Devil's Coach Horse beetle. In my kitchen. The glass is a pint.
"Excuse me, where is the B&B?"
"Go right out of Butt Lane and keep going past Shitterton."
"Charming. I only asked."
In fairness to Ryanair, their advertising never promises a pilot or a plane.
Bye-bye family, hello Pot Noodle dinners, I'm back on tour tonight! Full list of dates here: jonrichardsoncomedy.com/gigs/
Finally M&S confirm the correct dress code for a game of seaside-giggle-touch rugby with the lads. Smart casual, as we all suspected.
Stuff angrily kicking advertising hoardings or screaming down the lens, this is how goals should be celebrated. RIP Gary Speed.
"That was nice, dear. I liked the bit about the green pastures."
The BBC get a lot of unnecessary abuse but they remain the only employer to allow journalists to bring their hamsters to work.
Say what you like about drones...
"I've seen things, man. Things you wouldn't believe. Things you COULDN'T believe."
Who knew there was such a thing as a Cockchafer? Not me, until one attacked me in Carlisle. I am safe, cock unchafed.
Can't believe this children's toy is for sale. Apparently because I didn't "trademark the nickname" I'm owed nothing.
Getting rid of all my old VHS, if only because they show so clearly what a weird teenager I was. I'm cool now though.
Seriously? Because nothing says, "I love you, mum" like a twelve inch meat feast.
It's always the quiet ones.
Any chance of a model who could show what this cardy looks like without chiselled tits of steel? Asking for a me.
Blackpool Grand Theatre. Well fit. Amazingly on tour you often have an infinitely better view than your audience.
Congratulations to @visitisleofman
for finding me in the airport and giving me this. I believe "megalolz" is the mot juste.
IT'S A WIND SOCK WE NEED IN THESE CONDITIONS HAHAHAHA 🎉🍾🌪💨✈️. Seriously though, he didn't lose it, he disgraced himself. Look at the shaO0m6
How multifunctional? Wonder if I can turn it into a f*cking plane?
Bloody remoaners. What am I SUPPOSED to do with them then? #redwhiteandbluebrexit
Finally, in 2017, Anthony's girlfriend will get her dinner. A shame Denise and Nana aren't around to see it.
"If you, like me, have just realised you've shat yourself, you'll be needing my aftershave."