Nick Swardson

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Christian acosta 05/22/80 South Gate ca O positive On dialysis Contact Joy / living donor nurse 3234429273 #kidneydisease #kidneydonorneeded #ineedatransplant #savealife #keckmedicineofusc #dialysis #helpme #amputee #betterlife
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Solid move to look my Minnesota dad on camera. I look like an accountant for a state fair. #WrongMissy @netflix
Folks...I’m hosting a Twitter watch party for my @netflix movie The Wrong Missy tomorrow at 6pmPT/9pmET. The rest of the cast will be tweeting in as well. TUNE IN. @NetflixFilm @NetflixIsAJoke #TheWrongMissy
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Watch me on my friends show be insanely distracted because it’s draft day. 💜…E
Finished the shows Alter Carbon, The Kingdom, Dark and then watched Blade Runner 2049 last night so I’m not trusting any mother fucker after this is over.
Check it. Starring a great cast including Thick Swardson 😂…p
When Prince sang Purple Rain in the rain💜#RIPPrincee R
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Lo-Fi Chats: @DavidSpade and his castmates from #TheWrongMissy swapped behind the scenes stories from set. Mostly about fish guts. “The Wrong Missy” will come out May 13 on @netflix. @NickSwardson @laurenlapkus @RobSchneider #LiveFromTheBunker Full chat:
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Great match. You can’t get cocky in the final seconds. She made that mistake in the Nationals. Let’s see how she bounces back in Oslo.…
RIP John Prine. Let his voice, words and soul live on.
This is the full bit. None of this is fake. The cat is still insane. Share this or tag cat people that will defend these psychos til the end of the world 😂 hope you’re all well and healthy. �…Nm
This is a part of a bit on my Taste It on @ComedyCentral it’s a true story about my moms cat attacking me and my mom took the cats side because MOMS ARE PSYCHO with their cats.…
Help Hourly Workers During The Coronavirus Crisis…
This is still one of the most bad ass crazy performances ever haha. I did the show the week after and couldn’t even touch this. ⁦@TomHolland1996⁩ 💪
My sister walked down stairs where I’m staying and she said “this is a mess. Good lord. Yuck. How can you stay in this?” I had literally just cleaned it up. 😐😂🤷‍♂️
Pre-quarantine: I should settle down soon and have a family. During quarantine: I’m going to move to Key West alone. Throw away my clothes, buy a snake, change my name to Dr. Falcon and learn how to make things out of pubic hair.
It’s time like this we need Dolf and his extreme methods. Fearless.…
Haha. Put the bottle cap in your ass as a plug while you chug. No paper. #PlugWhileUChug…
The rides at Disneyland have zero lines so I’m going to ride one ride for a month and wait. Anyone down? I’ll bring Skittles.
Shows are being cancelled. CO Springs and Salt Lake should be fine. Tour announcement on hold but the rest of March and April are no more. Rescheduling happening. Hope this gets contained before it gets worse. My hands look like scrotums from washing but that’s an upside.
Just heard if someone is yawning don’t sneeze in their mouth. Guess that’s a big red flag. We all have to adapt to this new world now so tough it out.
Just finished the last episode of #TheOutsiderHBO what a great season and series. One of the best made shows I’ve seen. Acting, directing, score. Is it one season and done? When Holly said “who’s Terry?” I thought it might be from Reno 911 🤷‍♂@TheOutsiderHBOO
Yeah, guys, answer the question. Don’t fuck with Gary.…
Just got a text update that my flight is “leaving early”. Um, sure....yeah, whenever you want, Delta. Thought you were a major airline and not a buddy going to the liquor store.
One of my favs. The scene where I’m skating to the limo I really wiped out BUT didn’t damage the ukulele. 🤷‍♂️�…i8
Just got caught up on @TheOutsiderHBO good FECKING LORD. Watch that show if you’re not.
Just pulled off a toe nail that I almost had to use two hands and now I believe my parents were Orks from Lord of the Rings.
Our May entertainment lineup is filling up! @NickSwardson - May 9th @ThunderVegas - May 14th-16th @KWShepherd - May 23rd Tickets on sale for all shows on Friday, February 21st at 10am.
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You have to pick one the rest of your life. Chips or cookies?
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 Presale Happening RIGHT NOW Use Code: WT1@taylortomlinsonortomlin@NickSwardsonickSwardson (2nd
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Going to watch the movie Hereditary before I go to bed. This could be an awful idea. I heard it’s fucking scary as fire turds. Well, it’s been a good run. Thanks to all my fans. 😬
Awesome. I pulled that amount from @DavidSpade underwear. Congrats! Keep going! 🌎 �…5O
JUST ANNOUNCED! Actor and comedian @NickSwardson is coming to The Theater! Grab your tickets when they go on sale this Friday, February 14 at 10 am. #LiveatMGM
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If you haven’t seen one of the most insane music videos ever....well....enjoy.…
Swardson is bringing the laughter to #BorgataAC. Join @NickSwardson in The Music Box May 30! Tickets:
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make parties more interesting by telling strangers “I want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here”
Retweeted by Nick Swardson
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