Mrs Stephen Fry

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Great to see Hazel Irvine getting so much love on here - charming, knowledgeable and no-nonsense, unlike so many other sports presenters. Olympic gold for the Scottish lass!
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Salty - Being emotionally cruel to someone by the way you express yourself verbally. eg ‘I’m so sorry, Lavinia, but I’m afraid I find your salted caramel and taramasalata muffins with sea salt sprinkles and brine custard just a little too salty’
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Catfishing - The practise of tricking a complete stranger into a romantic online relationship by adopting the persona of a ray-finned fish with prominent barbels, which resemble a cat's whiskers.
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Walked down the road for the first time in a year only to encounter a brand new 5G mast not 200m from my house and an elderly gentleman in vest and shorts who told me he’d had part of his nose removed to replace the bit of his face eaten away by the Covid jab I’ve missed outdoors
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Wine O’Clock - The transitional period between Vodka O’Clock and The Kids Are Back Home From School O’Clock
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Promising signs the vaccine uptake among young people is having a real effect. Shame it’ll probably reverse in a few weeks, thanks to the jabphobic maskless wonders who project their irrational fears onto everyone else, risking further lockdowns and heartache for the country.
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The Omaze TV ad takes estate agent speak to a whole new level - apparently a hedge is now a ‘statement living wall’!
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A genuine legend in his own lifetime - and now beyond. One of the all-time greats. So long, Jackie, thanks for all the laughs… twitter.com/guardian/statu…
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Agree 100% - no matter what sport she presents, she’s so knowledgeable, professional and warm. The best in the business for me. twitter.com/barneyronay/st…
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Ghosting - Ending a personal online relationship by putting a tablecloth on your head and going Wooooooooooo!!!!
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Feeling the need to act. To show solidarity. To demonstrate the thugs and racists don’t speak for me. Marcus Rashford’s website shows places we can act. If you can, please consider donating. Sign up and support. Show him we also take the knee. endchildfoodpoverty.org/how-can-i-help
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For the record, I’d like to state that this anecdote is in no way racist and I have since learned that businessmen (and women) of all nationalities can behave equally appallingly, given sufficient air miles between themselves and their loved ones . . . twitter.com/PaulRigbywrite…
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I learned a lot that night. Mainly that Japanese businessmen have no idea about the international exchange rate.
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what used to be referred to as a bit of how’s your father with the hotel receptionist It was an education to see how quickly his proposal leapt from £100 to £1000 and the way she coolly directed him to the local massage parlour and suggested he leave his wallet and take just £20.
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My abiding memory of the 1984 Olympics was watching the long jump at 2am on the tiny TV in the reception of a Sheffield hotel where I was employed as a catering assistant/dishwasher, as I waited for my taxi home and watched a Japanese businessman attempt to negotiate a night of…
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Anyone else remember when ITV faced off against the BBC’s late night Olympics ‘84 coverage with the US sci-fi mini-series V? To be fair, for a teenage boy, it was a tough call… gifer.com/en/5zGc
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My dog can find anything - it’s a Labragoogle.
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You learn something new every day - according to one of today’s Pointless contestants, Little Women was written by @PamAyres.
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Happy Freedom Day! From today, it’s no longer mandatory to criticise the government but we recommend that you do. #FreedomDay
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IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you’re thinking of drinking while barbecuing, be careful - all that meat can really soak up the alcohol.
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First a heatwave and now this. It truly is the End of Days…
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The key to drinking is knowing when to stop. Beer drinkers stop when they can’t talk. Whisky drinkers stop when they can’t walk. And wine drinkers stop when their kids get home from school.
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15. If you find yourself having to go to the toilet several times during the night, just remember it’s only because you’re drunk, not because you’re old. Unless you’re drunk and old.
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14. Drink a pint of water before you go to bed to make sure you feel alright in the morning. Then realise it was vodka.
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13. Tell yourself three hours’ sleep is more than enough to function adequately at work tomorrow.
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11. Put that half-full bottle of Prosecco in the fridge. And take out a full one
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10. Leave that last slice of pizza for breakfast to be healthy.
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9. Strip to your sexiest undergarments, tell your partner you’re going to give them the time of their life, then vomit down your top and fall asleep hugging a cushion.
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8. Rearrange the magnetic letters on your fridge into as many rude words as possible.
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7. Make a list of all the things you want to do before you’re thirty. Then remember you’re forty-two.
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6. Come up with a really great idea for a movie. Then write it down on something.
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5. Tell your neighbours what you really think of them You definitely won’t regret this - they’ll only respect you more.
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4. Eat a load of cake Drunk calories don’t count - everyone knows that.
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2. Order something on Amazon It’s a scientific fact that when we’re drunk we make better decisions. Without the aid of alcohol, we’re far less likely to make essential purchases such as a DVD box set of some TV series we vaguely remember from our childhood or a Nutribullet.
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1. Text an Ex! Even if it looks like they’re perfectly happy with their stunning, successful partner, you know what Instagram’s like - they actually miss you like mad and can’t wait for you to text them at 3am! And don’t worry - all those random typos will just melt their heart!
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The brief history of GB News in pictures…
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This is nothing new - Trump University’s been doing this for years… twitter.com/InsiderAsia/st…
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