James May

All Photos Twitter.com 14 hours ago
Wirklich, der fußball war ein bissien langweilig. Aber Ich brauche mein Schlafzimmer. Ich muss um sechs uhr steht auf wenn der wecker lautet. Gute nacht alle. Mein hund spielt kein schach, und die Eule malt nie. Etc.
Was der fuch was das?
Wo ist Jürgen Klinsmann wenn wir brauchen ihr. Ihn? Ihn brauchen? Wann? Mein Deutsch ist scheisse und ich bier trinke im pub. Entschuldigung.
That was a bit null acht fünfzehn.
Deutschland und Frankreich spielen heute abend fußball. Super.
Can anyone explain why it’s OK to leave horseshit on the road? Dog owners are expected to clear up, and so would I be. There’s Dobbin plop on the racing line at Wellington Arch.
Duolingo knows everything.
That’s May over and done with, although people have been saying that for a while.
I’m on the telly in 30 minutes. Unless they’ve cut me out in the edit. #InsideCulture @wmarybeard
If you are curious how @MrJamesMay and @numanofficial fit with @DalrympleWill @josierones and @DavidOlusoga then watch #insideculture now (ish) Bbc 7.30 pm (except Northern Ireland which is 11.20pm ... aggh). Be there or square
Retweeted by James May
The Roy is now open. #Cheers
Just had fish fingers chips ‘n’ beans and it was absolutely monster.
I’m bossin this German.
I think the ladder represents my chance to ascend to spiritual fulfilment, but I’m held back by Mary’s dazzling shoes, which are our earthly ambitions: condemned to dwell in the dust of the earth, whence they, and we, came. @wmarybeard #insideculture
If this were a painting, historians would spend hours discussing the symbolism of the ladder and the gold shoes. twitter.com/wmarybeard/sta…
This is the rubbishest Bank Holiday Monday ever.
I hope you all enjoy my month and gather many nuts etc.
I wonder if there was ever a better man in a ‘tight spot’ than Michael Collins, Apollo’s poet. Anyone into this stuff should read his book, Carrying the fire. RIP.
Egg ‘n’ chips at the cafe, outside in the sun. Holidays can wait.
Still on the school TV: I’d forgotten about the countdown clock, and the kids becoming progressively more hysterical as each pip disappeared, until we were down to the last five seconds and several of them urinated with excitement on the parquet flooring.
My thanks to everyone who has reminded me of the horror that was school TV-on-a-trolley, with those stupid door things that meant half the kids couldn’t see it. Teachers handled it like Tutankhamun’s sarcophagus.
“It’s a terrible time to be in your late teens and your early twenties.” The Grand Tour presenter, @MrJamesMay says it is “unfair” that around 70,000 people who have successfully passed their driving theory test will have to re-take it. #COVID19: trib.al/Oft9Ayr
Retweeted by James May
Some people have helpfully pointed out that there’s a horse’s arse in my picture of Jeremy Clarkson. I never noticed. Any suggestion that I deliberately framed the picture to include Jeremy Clarkson and a horse’s arse is utterly scurrilous.
Just realised it’s Jeremy Clarkson’s birthday. Happy birthday.
The past and present hosts of #TopGear will pay tribute to Sabine Schmitz in a 30-minute special after Sunday's show. Available from 9pm on @BBCiPlayer and later on @BBCOne, 7.30pm, Wednesday 7th April. More details available here topgear.com/car-news/top-g…
Retweeted by James May
It is, to be clear, only at the ‘conceptualisation phase’. twitter.com/drivetribe/sta…
Does anyone want to see a picture of my bike in front of the London Embankment cabman’s shelter, where, earlier today, I had a boss bacon ‘n’ egg sandwich and a cup o’ splosh. Best I can do.
Sometimes the automatic light in my garage comes on the instant I open the side door. But sometimes I have to windmill around in the dark knocking bicycles over. This bothers me more than it should.
Sun’s out, we can see a few mates again, and Tesco are doing any three choc bars for £1.20. #Bliss
I dropped in on The Queen anyway, to give her the bad news about the vote, and she agreed that Wrap City’s chicken doner is a bangin’ ‘bab.
I’m going for a bike ride. Would you like to see a picture of my bike in front of:
I’ve done bugger all today. Properly the cubed root of Jack Shit. Nowt.
Tonight, the vegetables in the May household are especially well prepped, thanks largely to the beneficial effects of the @BBCRadio3 Mixtape. A good one. I imagine that your life is not in any way enhanced by this announcement. #EndOfMessage
I never thought car makers should be at the ‘Ring, but I always thought Sabine Schmitz should, and would, be. Rotten news. #RIP
RIP Murray Walker, one of the great voices of my youth. I hope he would want someone to say that he’s interrupted himself, again. #HereComesWinkelhock
Why do we have the expression ‘a square meal’? All the ones in our house are round.
Day one of telling @kennones to sod off.
Found! Bike ride corner shop, which is as it should be.
To celebrate International Women’s Day, my woman is doing bugger all, while I do all the cooking, serving, and tidying up. Which is fair enough. I’m only a man.
Oi @CadburyUK - what happened to the lemon-flavoured Turkish Delight? Come on.
March 5th is the 85th anniversary of the day when the Supermarine Spitfire started being less important than the Hawker Hurricane.
Still can’t quite get the hang of this.
James May made a meal only using leftovers and he wants you to do the same 🍲 Watch his video:buff.ly/3c10Oj49 #felixfakeawayss#FoodWasteActionWeekk@felixprojectukk@MrJamesMayym
Retweeted by James May
Wrestling with Duolingo German
RIP Bruce Meyers. Here’s mine.
Wholesome and mindful Saturday night viewing for all the family, courtesy of Unemployment Tube. You’re welcome. youtu.be/WAAj_n4iqDo via @YouTube
Hmm. I’ve done a home-made curry - mushroom and leak foogath, Keralan chicken, pilau rice - and we’ve eaten that. The night is young. So; what next? #BumpsADaisy #EnoughToMakeYouWeep
Excellent roast chicken for the May household’s Sunday supper. Especially good sprouts and spuds, plus home-made cranberry jelly. Mmm mm mm. But that’s over now. So: Battle of Britain? #HelloRabbitLeader
A moustachioed man is confronted by a lion in the brickwork of this old industrial building. #PossibleCabinFever
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