James May

All Photos Twitter.com 22 hours ago
Thank you for all your kind comments and funny jokes re my crash, but it was a while back, not that bad, and I’m perfectly OK. Apologies to Evo fans for binning the VIII. #Bellend
The one or two-slice switch on our ancient toaster has become stiffer than the toaster’s weight (if you see what I mean). It’s bothering me.
This is just fantastic.
I missed the second England goal because I was having a waz.
Both Sunak and Truss use ‘deliver’ and ‘community’ far too much, so in May’s Britain neither can become Prime Minister.
London, and the smell of rain on a baking pavement is one of the most powerful evocations of childhood. #BeerTalking
Miei amici Italiani - c’é non basta gelato per vendita nel hyde park.
My thanks to everyone who has pointed out the ‘ghost’ in ep3 of my new Italy series. Nobody saw it at the time, so it’s either a real ghost or (more likely but also more boring) just a bit of digital file corruption.
Here’s a baby donkey instead.
The short clip I attempted to post shows hundreds of wheels of Parmesan cheese. Maybe Twitter interprets them as buttocks and it’s been blocked by a porn bot.
Here’s another attempt to upload that clip. Moment May be lost.
I won’t mention it again (unless I do), but Our Man In Italy is on from tomoz. @primevideouk
Quick Twit question: what’s the point in joining a public discussion if you’re one of these?
So far today I've drunk five pints of orange squash. #NotInteresting
Non suono la mia propria tromba (?), ma Il nostro uomo in Italia arriva venerdì sul @primevideouk - grazie per l’attenzione. Fine del messaggio.
Last night, I found a box full of stories I wrote (and illustrated) between the ages of five and 12. Fascinating reading. Burned the lot.
Deep joy. I just discovered that the protective film was still in place on the control panel of our washing machine. Peeled it off. #RockAndRollWillNeverDie
It’s here! (It’s actually next month, but you know what I mean) ⁦@primevideouk
Despite what some of you are saying, I do NOT look like Brian May, Robert Plant, or Billy Connolly. They are outstanding, high-achieving men and you should have more respect.
Handy guide to looking like a bit of a nob. thetimes.co.uk/article/7670d7…
This was a fascinating discussion. Especially the bit about myths and legends (of the Yamaha FS1E). fane.co.uk/rev-richard-co…
A crow was doing 38mph on the approach to a roundabout. #Speedofbirds
It’s a fabulous day in London. God save The Queen.
A nice man just bought me a cappuccino and a sandwich, for no particular reason. I will now buy someone a cappuccino and a sandwich. #Buysomeoneacappuccinoandasandwich
We have honeysuckle rose bird and wowzers bird singing in the garden today. They’ve been added to May’s Taxonomy of British Birdies.
Grace is good in this.
I’ve made it. Tea with the vicar. twitter.com/faneproduction…
Has anyone seen my specs? Somewhere between Notting Hill and Ravenscourt Park, lying in the road.
I’ve just saved a spider.
If you’re strimming behind the garden of #TheRoySwallowcliffe could you please run out of petrol, soon.
Enjoy my month, everyone. #May
Ma le mie scarpe sono potenza del vapore. (?)
Egg ‘n’ chips! Jus sayin. #HappyEaster
I’m sitting under a tree listening to a woodpecker at work. Do they get headaches? #Twitchers
Sento i suoni della primavera (con le nuvole).
I’ve just had some Ribena. It was well nice. #ThatIsAll
Buongiorno i miei Twitter amici Italiani. Allora- oggi registro la voce sopra ultimo per il mio tv spettacolo Il Nostro Uomo in Italia. Poi mangio una ciotola di pasta enorme, con un bicchiere di birra. ‘Voce sopra’ possibili bollox.
Italiani - la mia bicicletta (Bianchi, é colorate celeste, ovviamente) ha un puncturone nello ruoto posteriore. Tanto inconveniente. Vedo un negozio bici sullo orrizonte, perché non ho la chiave esagonale per rettificazione sulla mia tasca.
Europeans: we are working hard to bring you JamesGin, but recent political events have made it more complicated than it should be. I didn’t vote for that bollox so it’s not my fault. Stand by.
Limited first edition is selling out very quickly, me hearties. Just sayin. #YoHoHoAndABottleOfGin Jamesgin.com
A new strain of Asian Parsnip has emerged. Costs more but gets you to the lifeboat sooner. #AyeAyeCapn jamesgin.com
Storm Eunice just blew my specs off.
I’m applying for a US visa. I realise that they need to know all about me, but this is harsh.
Did anyone else just watch sun-up over the Thames in central London? It was chuffing good. (No pic but it definitely did happen.)
A cyclist coming the other way just said ‘Good morning’ to me. This has never happened before. #CheerUpCycling
The Felix Project urgently needs volunteer drivers in west London. You must be able to drive a van without hitting things, and hump crates of food. They let you drive a van for FREE. You might also get a stale sandwich. [email protected] thefelixproject.org/?gclid=EAIaIQo…
This latest version of the ‘missed delivery’ scam is quite sophisticated. But still a scam. I put my name as Jason Cheese and my address as 22 Shit Street with a bogus postcode, and it still asked me to pay £2.10 for ‘redelivery’. @RoyalMail
Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I’m now sodding off, as required by standing instructions.
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