James May

All Photos Twitter.com 16 hours ago
Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I’m now sodding off, as required by standing instructions.
Italians: grazie per le vostre risposte di oggi. Domani è tardi.
Italians - is this possible? Perhaps in Napoli?
I’ve also decided that ‘uptick’ is a stupid word. Maybe I’ll go to the pub.
I’ve decided that the hardest thing in the world is finding the pocket you want in a coat on the passenger seat of your car. #Wallet
Map showing the ongoing conquest of the USA with Asian Parsnip gin. With thanks to whoever it was in South Dakota. jamesgin.com
Continuing from innately funny words, I also enjoy childish adjectival phrases used instead of the 'correct terms', ie: Blow-up (for 'inflatable') See-through (for 'transparent') Licky sticky (for 'gummed') It may just be me.
We discussed ugly words a bit back. I’d now like to consider innately funny ones. I nominate, for starters: Cheese Scribble Chuff
Happy new year. As a man who often wants to buy just one leek or carrot, I applaud France’s crackdown on stupid fruit ‘n’ veg* packaging. *Fruits ‘n’ leg as they’d say
Choose-your-own Quality Street is cheating. A tin of them should be like life: largely great but with lurking disappointments.
It must be over. Shame.
Yay! Christmas! Happy Christmas everyone. #Everyone #Christmas #Happiness
It’s nearly Christmas. Ace. #ChristmasIsAce
Just a quick reminder that these ones are a bit rubbish.
It’s now le global.
Merci beaucoup to everyone who entered our poster competition. All of the entries were très bien, but our favourites were these Louvre-worthy masterpieces by @juliette_fogra #CarnageATrois
Retweeted by James May
Panda returned after 11 weeks. A terrible wrench.
Italy update: I’m in my 33rd hotel in 72 days. Has anyone got my phone charger?
Buonasera. Ho una nuova tovaglia ricamato con leoni ed elefanti. Compro in Venezia, citta del artefacto artisinale.
Oggi non mangio né pasta né pizza. A causa della cucina Italiana sono molto grasso, sì. Ho solo acqua minerale frizante è pane senza il burro. Anche vino, ovviamente. Salute.
Questa serra mangio il risotto con gorgonzola e metto vino bianco (Gavi) nel mezzo del mio viso. Salute. 🇮🇹
Joyeux Noël, voici votre regalo.
I’m enjoying this Liver/Arse match.
Proper space-efficient Italian parking.
Oggi vado in treno a Venezia. La mia Panda rimane (?) nel pianno inferiore dell hotel.
Stargazing è cancellato.
Planning on stargazing tonight at the Abruzzo Observatory. Any tips @ProfBrianCox ? There’s a good-looking kebab place next to the hotel.
Scusi, ho ruttato.
Oggi pranzato con birra, e solo birra.
Oggi indosso la mia nuova camicia Italiana: compra da un negozio. Non ho insetti nel i miei pantaloni.
I am recruiting at #TheRoySwallowcliffe and seek waiting/bar staff, an assistant manager, chefs, and a hurdy-gurdy virtuoso. Email t’ manager on [email protected] for more. A golden opportunity to work in the best pub in the world (in Swallowcliffe). Try the hake.
Ho fame. Questa sera mangio la cena enorme con i miei amici e la mia nuova guida per episodo tre di ‘Il nostro uomo in Italia’, una donna locale. ‘Episodo’ is a guess.
Le strade cobbliato di Roma sono molto pericolosa per la mia biciclette quando bagnato. (?) 🇮🇹
Oggi per il mio pranzo ho pasta di some descriptione.
Oggi per la mia colazione ho cornetto, uova scrambalate, e un cappuccino bestiale.
Oggi io mangio un uovo bollito per la mia colazione. #Italian 🇮🇹
I’m putting this on the wall, to remind me not to lend him mine. twitter.com/harrismonkey/s…
My new covid mask doesn’t fit.
Hotel proprietors: putting fresh towels on the bed is something no-one does at home. Also, I don’t need a new bar of soap just because I’ve used it once. #Bah
You have to turn your phone off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????? 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲
I’m on an aeroplane, and it’s amazing. There’s a button that makes the seat recline. And you get an orange juice. FREE.
About to depart for il centro di stile del mondo. Should fit in seamlessly. 🇮�nr
Um… slight change of plan. Spiacente. #PrimeVideo
At least Clive Sinclair lived long enough to see that he was right about many things.
I’ve had a crack at reviewing a small car. #DriveTribe youtu.be/5LpLuTVNGG4
Live abroad? Need a drink? I would. jamesgin.com
London W6 pubs: amber risk of morris dancers.
Beer and salty peanuts. Anyone got a better idea? #OnlyTotalPlebsEatThatDryRoastedRubbish
Good news! (Not that) And sorry about my blotchy face, but I’d been on a boat. @primevideouk
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