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Jeremy Clarkson

Air ability. I mean Jesus.
Is that’s you in NM4L - Mooney M20J. It’s too fucking noisy.
I’ve been wondering what the Labour Party policy was. And now we know.…
Dear @michaelgove we’re a small pub, order of what we “need” weekly from 1/11: 10 kg 🇪🇸 tomato & peppers 3kg 🇫🇷 beurre au sel 5kg 🇧🇪 chocolate 2kg 🇮🇹 burrata 1.5kg 🇮🇹 prosciutto 20 🇳🇱 herring 3kg 🇩🇪 bratwurst 25 🇵🇹 sardines 1kg 🇬🇷 feta. Please confirm next day delivery.
Retweeted by Jeremy Clarkson
The makers of Dallas got round their Brexit issue with a simple shower scene. Can’t we do the same?
A ladder has just come off the roof of a van. M40 N’bound junction 7. Hurry before the Wombles shut the road for 6 hours to retrieve it.
I’ve had a really good idea. Why don’t we all just agree this Brexit business is far too complicated and pretend it never happened?
I seem to recall that tonight’s’ Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, starting now, is quite good.
@JeremyClarkson these Yorkshire lads need a retweet! I don’t expect @RichardHammond or @MrJamesMay to do it ... but Jeremy I expect better of a donny lad!!…
Retweeted by Jeremy Clarkson
This book is brilliant. Utterly utterly brilliant. Apart from the epilogue which is idiotic.
Why are people expecting me to tweet about their qualifications in cooking and media studies?
I love Chelsea this year as much as I’ve loved them since 1970.
James Maddison. Too long at the barber’s. Not enough time practicing football.
Simple survey suggests wasps are bad the further east you go.
Quick question for everyone holidaying in the Med. How are the bastard wasps?
A level results a bit rubbish? Don’t worry. I got a C and two Us and I’ve rented this place for the summer.
Azpilicueta. Normal hair. Great footballer
Have to say though. Chelsea were great. Proud of you guys. Less hairdressing though.
Simple rule. Hairdresser or practicing football. Tell me I’m wrong.
Anyone with a big hair style is a shit footballer.
Loving this Scouse Chelsea match. Most important game of the year.
Not enjoying this irrelevant Scouse Chelsea match at all.
Really enjoying this Scouse Chelsea match.
I know everything closes just before you get there but God, I love being in France.
You can join my Dream Team mini-league by using the PIN SGJEREMY Sign up here:
A theory. The economic problems in the U.K. are serious but not disastrous. The economic problems in Italy are disastrous but not serious.
Brilliant day at Thame sheep fair. Brilliant people. Thank you all.
Do you agree with @JeremyClarkson's ways of fixing F1? 🏎 Watch the full video
Retweeted by Jeremy Clarkson
Here’s the incredibly moving tribute from ⁦@chedwardes⁩ ⁦@EveningStandard⁩ that captures the wonderful life of young Iris Goldsmith, tragically cut so short, and the grief of family and friends who miss her
Retweeted by Jeremy Clarkson
Manchester is now Britain’s second city. Discuss
The Lotus Evija may be the most powerful production car ever, but what does @JeremyClarkson think of it? Watch the full video here:
Retweeted by Jeremy Clarkson
Please can you help retweet this. My dad needs his bikes back. At the age of 70 and blind he has little joy in life, but for these bikes. @JeremyClarkson @MrJamesMay @RichardHammond @TheEddChina @mikebrewer…
Retweeted by Jeremy Clarkson
I was at Wimbledon for the Federer Nadal final. And God I wish I was there for this.
This match: it’s like watching two old boxers in the 15th round. What’s keeping them upright?
Many thanks to the @rafredarrows for flying through my chimney pots this afternoon. Very impressive.
If you are at a loose end, this men’s doubles match at Wimbledon is pretty epic.
Wimbledon director: when choosing crowd shots, try to find someone who’s watching the bloody match.
I failed all my O and A levels because of hay fever and the anti-histamines I took to combat it. Also I did no revision.
Doctors: can we drop the nonsense? There’s no such thing as a “non-drowsy” anti-histamine.
American business people: on an aeroplane, no-one is interested in your mobile phone gobbledegook
Fuck me Instagram was boring this weekend. Glastonbury. Zzzzzz
I’ve had some fucking weird days at work in the past but today takes the cake.
To be clear, I was NOT affected by today’s motorway closure. I am merely an observer.
The police didn’t allow ambulance drivers to attend to the injured in Borough Market for 3 hours. They have lost all sense of proportion.
Singapore airport in disarray because London traffic plod insist on closing roads for as long as possible. Wish I was in charge
Dear the M4 Police. The injured have now been taken care of. So here’s an idea. Open the road.
Why does Kim Wilde say “New York to ‘east’ California”? Why not the rest of it?
Azad. @British_Airways check-in at London City. Thankyou. You should get a pay rise immediately for being so kind.
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