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Henry Cruz

'watched a subway fight between two dudes & can't decide if it was a pissing contest or a complicated romantic comedy
i'm not a "daddy," but i play one on all the all the dating apps
my wedding song also works at funerals
'starting to wonder if the republican healthcare debate could be dubbed over serial killers feeding on human flesh
'walked a mile in the rain to the supermarket to buy 'ginger root' for my tea...officially, like a crackhead when I run out.
'if i win the lottery will the lady at the liquor store stop saying good luck?
'one word text replies are masking hours of depression that's better kept buried in your mind
'a Trader Joe's cashier getting a hug from a customer has haunted me all day.
'there's no sexy way to pop-pills
'must love dogs, cats...and if allergic, be willing to wear a oxygen mask for most of our relationship
'handshake happens, if my mind failed to politely negotiate a fist-bump
'hanging with people i barely know...i mean #family #mondaymotivation
'showers are the only reason left to FaceTime
'today i faced demons, wore gloves into battle for the worst day ever, unless you're a weirdo that loves going to gym. #mondaymotivation
'forgetting to eat is the secret to me being so humble
'a eat-the-crumbs-off-my-sheets lazy day
'matching on tinder with the profile name 'dope dealer' is probably my rock bottom #NationalBeerDay #FridayFeeling
'hard to hear good news about anybody that looks like me without thinking that really should be me
'best comeback that popped into my head three days too late is 'why aren't you dead?'
'remember before #Comedy my work as a porn director became a @urbandictionary definition read it:… #TuesdayMotivation
'best part of marvels superhero show shouldn't be the chewy pizza
'nasdaq falling' are two words that don't apply to me, but feeling confident i could panel on Fox News as the bald guy with glasses
'my brain discards feelings the same way i forget every movie i ever watched
'loud people are my kryptonite
'watching men work on cars just makes me wanna go bra shopping
'watching ugly superheroes and pretty villains with dumb my iron fist review
'you haven't fully lived until your dog pees on you while sitting on your lap
'everything is heating up fast is the song i sing when i put a shirt to dry on radiator in my Bronx apartment
'really hard to make believe i'm not home with my dog barking at the door bell
'last few episodes of iron fist aren't a cold sore on society
'another book quotes #reading on being funny up now:…
'bragging to my friend i said, 'Daddy needs to get on Fox News' - 'cause i can say any shit that pops in head...they're not too big on facts
And Jesus spoke unto his followers, "shit happens, just be glad we're still covered"
'blog #throwback to 1999 when i followed Pop music icon Debby Harry - in @outmagazine pages: interview is pg 85-89…
'hard not to think micro-pee-peen looking at anyone with a goofy smile who works out excessively . #TrumpCareFails
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