FMyLife

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Today, after taking a shower, I realised that my landlord was peeking in the whole time through broken ventilator. Once he tried to get into my room, using his keys. I couldn't tell the landlord's wife, as I didn't have any proof so I left th... fmylife.com/article/time-t…
Today at work I was waiting in line to pay my food at the cafeteria and I noticed this Doctor who was in front of me had these really cool looking shoes on. I told him “I like your shoes! “ and he turned over and looked at me and didn’t... fmylife.com/article/ignore…
Today, according to my wife, our life together is perfect. The only problem is that I no longer turn her on, haven’t for a while, so she wants my permission to have meaningless one-night stands with strangers on Tinder while carrying on wit... fmylife.com/article/perfec…
Today, the company where I used to work at announced that there would be a staff reduction because of the low income caused by the pandemic. I just quit yesterday in favor of another job. All of my former workmates are getting paid their resp... fmylife.com/article/bad-ti…
Today, the company where I used to work at announced that there would be a staff reduction because of the low income caused by the pandemic. I just quit yesterday in favor of another job. All of my former workmates are getting paid their resp... fmylife.com/article/bad-ti…
The artist formerly known as…
Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroo... fmylife.com/article/that-s…
Today, I got a phone call from my husband in jail. He was detained for statutory rape. The girl was his 15 year-old coworker at McDonald’s. He’s 42. I can’t tell which is worse, the fact that we have a daughter the same age, or that he ... fmylife.com/article/divorc…
Today, I'd always thought the scene in Scrubs when JD passes out while pooping was hilarious, until it happened to me. I recently found out I have a heart defect that can cause me to pass out if my blood pressure rises, and yes, I did pass ou... fmylife.com/article/toilet…
Today, I met a fellow Star Wars fan. We began enthusiastically talking about how almost no one our age knows the good old classics anymore. I was referring to the original trilogy; she was talking about the ones with Jar Jar Binks. FML #StarWarsDay
May the force be with you! No, fuck, that's not it. Star Trek, lol. FML
Today, my wife says she's not hiding money from me but I checked our joint bank account, which I no longer use, and find she's been transferring money in-and-out of 3 accounts, while taking money from me and getting payday loans to cover it. FML fmylife.com/article/shady-…
Today, after years of crushing over my best friend, I finally got the guts to tell her about my feelings, only to find out she has been secretly dating my roommate. I could not have been more depressed. My whole life feels shattered. FML fmylife.com/article/sad-ne…
Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML fmylife.com/article/creepy…
Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about di... fmylife.com/article/caught…
Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been ... fmylife.com/article/conund…
Today I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brothers spare room ... fmylife.com/article/how-ve…
Today, I came back from school camp and really had to go to the toilet. I ran to the nearest one, which was by the principal's office. After I finished, I tried to flush the button. Turns out the water was turned off so it wouldn't flush. I b... fmylife.com/article/myster…
Today, I was listening to an inappropriate song while driving around when I heard my 3 year-old in the back seat say the n-word. If you hear kids screaming, "LEGOS, LEGOS!" out of the windows as I drive by, that's my pathetic attempt at rever... fmylife.com/article/kids-h…
Today, I pretended to be sleeping when my dad came to check on me. I’m not talking to him. Why? Because my mom died in January and he already has a girlfriend he says he wants to marry, she's going to be my step-mom. I’m 31. FML fmylife.com/article/time-t…
Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML fmylife.com/article/today-…
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Today, my 16 year-old nephew gave me advice on how to get laid. At age 30, I'm still a virgin. FML fmylife.com/article/soon_3…
Today, after a supervisor, who is a Donald Trump fanatic, kept pestering us with the subject, I decided to debate with him, never swearing or disrespecting him at all. I was fired, presumably for disrespecting a supervisor. FML fmylife.com/article/debate…
Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML fmylife.com/article/today-…
Today my mother is insisting it must have been my fault my husband beat me into a coma for 5 weeks because he’s such a nice boy from a good family with a really successful career, so it must have been me who provoked him into it. She keeps ... fmylife.com/article/great-…
Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML fmylife.com/article/today-…
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Today, after a month of online school due to the second wave of Covid in India, I discovered that I have lost the ability to enjoy most of everything I used to. I can't enjoy reading, eating, music, or everything else. The doctor says it's an... fmylife.com/article/covid-…
Today, It's funny that I'm paying so much more money for a 3 bedroom apartment so my kids can each have their own rooms, and both kids have been camped out in my room for weeks. I'm a single mom who doesn't get any child support. What did I l... fmylife.com/article/go-to-…
Today, after spending hundreds of dollars on parts and tools, and hours of research to teach myself how to perform the work, I upgraded my bike. It was also today that I made it 4 blocks from my house on my first ride before I hit a curb and ... fmylife.com/article/diy-fm…
Today, I had to admit that I'm polyamorous. Well, I'm in several relationships. Parasocial relationships. With YouTubers and Twitch streamers. I talk to them through the screen. I can't remember what it's like to have real-life friends. FML fmylife.com/article/unheal…
Today, I was at a friend’s birthday party. I slipped and fell onto the table of presents, knocking each one of them over, pulling a muscle in the process. My friend bitched me out for not being careful and “ruining” his presents. I got ... fmylife.com/article/i-bet-…
Today, after my fiancé and I recently separated, their choice not mine, we decided to stay friends, and still live in the same house. Now I get the pleasure of listening to him flirt and have long conversations with some girl every night. FML fmylife.com/article/stuck_…
Today, after 6 months of my baby sleeping 10 hours through the night, she's now going through sleep regression a week before I return to work. I'm now getting about 3 hours of broken sleep per night. FML fmylife.com/article/hush_3…
Him: “You’re not like other girls” My anxiety and insecurity: “Told ya”
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Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML fmylife.com/article/today-…
Today I had a small get together in my backyard. My idiot sister got black out drunk and found a stray cat. She was holding it and taking selfies until her dumbass realized she’d actually picked up a possum. She panicked and dropped it. Now... fmylife.com/article/animal…
Nothing like a close call slip in the shower to remind you that you’re just a Jenga tower of blood.
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Reece, you seem to have forgotten to take your litter with you.
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Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
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“Grand Theft Auto has a more progressive health care system than the United States of America”
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Today, my friend got an engagement ring. She’s been with her boyfriend for 2 years and it started as a one-night stand. Whenever I have one-night stands, the only thing I get is left on "read". FML fmylife.com/article/lonely…
Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She... fmylife.com/article/privac…
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Today, while grocery shopping, my dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML
Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML fmylife.com/article/you-we…
Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitr... fmylife.com/article/disapp…
Today, after a year and a half of overexploitation at work without getting paid for it, I can finally have a deserved vacation. Why? I caught Covid. FML fmylife.com/article/time-o…
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