Florida Man

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I spoke to the @washingtonpost about how this account started and why I’m not doing it any more. washingtonpost.com/news/magazine/…
🚨 BREAKING: MUELLER NEWS 🚨 Only joking, but for real, the Florida Legislature is trying to disenfranchise voters with some bullshit shenanigans. Sign this petition to prove you’re cool and I’ll follow you out of solidaritychange.org/p/florida-legi…8twitter.com/_FloridaMan/st…ZL
Okay, earnest tweets over. I promise I'll tweet something funny again soon.
For real, I currently only follow Jimmy Buffett, but I'm willing to let that insanely funny bit die for this cause, because it clearly deserves more attention.
I've never done anything like this before, but if you think it's wrong for the Florida Legislature to take away people's voting rights, please sign this petition. If you do, and tweet a screenshot as proof, I'll follow you. (On Twitter, not in real life.) change.org/p/florida-legi…
...only make it harder for returning citizens to vote. The very opposite of what the initiative is intended to do.
Instead of simply restoring people's rights, which is what people voted for, they're trying to make it so that you can't vote unless you've repaid all your outstanding fines and court fees. Essentially creating a poll tax that everyone agrees will... *drum roll*
If you don't know, FL voted overwhelmingly last year to restore voting rights to felons who've completed their sentences. Now some politicians (coincidentally, the same ones who will likely lose a ton of influence as a result of this new law) have decided to change the rules.
I’ve seen some truly insane things come out of Florida over the last few years, but I don’t think anything has shocked me more than what the state legislature is currently trying to do to the voting rights of ex-felons. slate.com/news-and-polit…
Florida Man Fire Bombs Garage That Impounded His Car, Hits His Own Vehicle wftv.com/news/local/man…
Florida Man Accused of Masturbating in Front of Children Says He Was Just Adjusting His Hernia wric.com/news/national/…
Florida Man Steals $33,000 Worth of Rare Coins, Cashes Them in CoinStar Machine for $29.30 palmbeachpost.com/news/20190222/…
Retweeted by Florida Man
Hell yeah, now we’re talking.
Florida Man Steals $33,000 Worth of Rare Coins, Cashes Them in CoinStar Machine for $29.30 palmbeachpost.com/news/20190222/…
Uh-oh, I think I know where this is going. *clicks on article* Well that wasn’t what I was expecting. Touchè, Florida.
Roses are red Valentine’s Day was swell twitter.com/_FloridaMan/st…
Florida Man Who Earns $18K a Year Convinces IRS to Give Him $1 Million Tax Refund cnbc.com/2019/02/14/how…
Security Camera Catches Florida Man Licking Doorbell kvoa.com/news/2019/02/1…
Florida Man in Dog Costume Arrested for Sex With Dog wtsp.com/article/news/c…
Florida Man Steals Opioids From Lockbox and JK They're Actually Laxatives miamiherald.com/news/state/flo…
The fact these two are neighbors is surprising and, if you know anything about Florida, makes total sense. twitter.com/ochocinco/stat…
UPDATE: Florida Man Says Jesus Told Him to Drive Ferrari Off Pier nbc-2.com/story/39799057…
my shitty joke from 2013 just manifested itself into reality
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GoFundMe Forced to Hand Out Refunds After Florida Man Breaks Promise to Build Wall Between US and Mexico axios.com/gofundme-refun…
Florida Man Says Syringes in His Anus Aren’t His local10.com/news/florida/f…
Florida Woman Chases Parents With 12” Knife Because They Wouldn’t Take Her to Outback Steakhouse foxnews.com/food-drink/wom…
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This is what the monster from the Shape of Water has been driving since the film won Best Picture. twitter.com/_FloridaMan/st…
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Four days into 2019 and Florida is already doing the most. wthr.com/article/wild-m…
Retweeted by Florida Man
Four days into 2019 and Florida is already doing the most. wthr.com/article/wild-m…
Guards Let Florida Man Vape in Prison Because He Helped Them With Their Taxes miami.cbslocal.com/2019/01/03/inv…
ELON MUSK: *shoots luxury car into space* FLORIDA:
Retweeted by Florida Man
ELON MUSK: *shoots luxury car into space* FLORIDA:
Florida Man Drives Ferrari Off Dock and Into Sea wptv.com/news/region-c-…
Fuck yeah. Now we’re talking.
Florida Man Tries to Steal Half a Million Dollars' Worth of Tequila on New Year's Eve wtsp.com/article/news/w…
Happy New Year from the East Coast time zone, the only one that really matters.
Can’t believe this didn’t work.
Florida Man Intentionally Locks Keys in Car So Cops Can’t Search It miamiherald.com/news/local/com…
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