I’m the baddest bitch at this over 50 water aerobics class.
i’m the vespa parked in a parking spot so it looks empty of people.
Like this tweet if you don't dump your cooking grease down the sink. Trying to prove a point. Bonus points for comments about what you do with it.
Costco has Plan B for $8 and you can get 2 at a time. No membership needed
*changing sex positions* now let’s do a silly one
the doc i work with told me i was the most professional nurse he has ever worked with & it’s clear this man has not seen my twitter account
My kid has 898 Pokémon characters memorized but he has no idea where his shoes are
The only thing that can stop a bad guy with *finger guns* is a good guy with *finger guns*
I miss my old energy like damn i was so happy before.
a fall out game boy: thread
when the queen takes her makeup off at night she turns into a corgi.
🏆 THURSDAY CONTEST 🏆
This week's theme: QUEENS
Max 3 entries per person. Tweet must be👑🔥👑NEW👑🔥👑(created today). Open to all size accounts. Loads of judges, with tweet reads, TL crawls, listed in bio and more as prizes. ENDS AT 10PM EDT
*Hate speech will be DeVcZVzz
Not to brag but I just filled up the gas tank and doubled the value of my car
Thoughts and prayers for my starving teens suffering from fridge and pantry blindness
Thursday Throwback “The Drink”
i have 2 settings: on & off
babe I can't tonight, I'm going goblin mode on this a la mode
idk lois lane seems like a shitty reporter.
i wish i came back from vacation shredded like tom hanks did in castaway.
Baby shark waiting to be born.
I took a nap and woke up to the world ending. A thread.
how about we make this radio shack a radio home.
when i’m feeling flirty on a date i just comb my hair with a dinglehopper like ariel.
updating wikipedia pages should get you some kind of degree this day and age.
i would rather be hannibal lecter’s dinner than look for love on tinder.
i would rather be hannibal lecter’s dinner than look for love on tinder.
ursula taking ariel’s voice after recent events hits different.
DRINKING TEA, Lei Xue, 2010
gently sips soup from spoon. “i’ll take the pot”. the waiter nods.
Women have been stealing your hoodies since 1304
Going to McDonald's to order a slightly bemused meal
Depressed rooster merely noting sunrise in his journal.
Sorry I accidentally blocked you; I was only trying to mute you and your stupid tweets.
I was an 8 but now I’m a 5 because depreciation is a bitch
Sorry I’m late I was enjoying not being here