.:RiotGrl:.
31,240 followers
Autoly Inc. 
Total Home Experts 
donotcrywolf 
I’m so taken, my inner voice sounds like Liam Neeson
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. 
You wouldn’t hit a man who can barely finish a 6 inch sub would you?
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. 
You know it’s high time to vacuum the house when there is a visible amount of your long hair sticking out of Fido’s ass
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. 
[the world has ended. Keith Richards walks the barren wasteland, surveying all that is left. In the distance he notices a lone figure carrying what can only be described as Excalibur]
Keith: oi! Who goes there??
Betty White: you knew it would come to this, Keith. Now, draw...
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. 
I don't use glory holes - I'm agnostic
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. 
gaston: will you date me?
belle: no
gaston: can I sing all the reasons why you're wrong
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. 
ever walk up to a urinal and it looks like a god damn pube grenade exploded? wtf bruh trim your shit
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. 
I dunno, Joe Biden doesn't seem all that sleepy to me. Billie Eilish on the other hand...
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. You thought you had me pegged, but I was on my knees with my ass out, anyway.
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Cleaned out the shower drain and found enough hair for a whole nother bush
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. pronouncing Paraguay like bababooey
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Hera: You have a bald spot.
Zeus: *looks at Athena* I wonder why.
Athena: What?! That was 30 years ago. Stop blaming me!
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. So a glory hole has nothing to do with religious ceremonies?
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. People in movies always have that french bread stick in their grocery bag, but then they make a sandwich with regular slices, BUT WHEN DID THEY BUY IT?
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. With the amount of hair I shed I’m surprised I haven’t been implicated in a crime I didn’t commit.
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Who called it a salad with chicken and not breast in plants?
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Truly loving yourself is never settling for anything less than you deserve ever again.
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Judge: how do you plead?
Pepsi: not okay
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. It’s only when you accidentally shave off a patch of hair from your head, that you realize that Time is the best healer.
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Me: I just saw a robbery at the barbers
Friend: Did you get a good look?
Me: *Twirling hair in fingers* I don't know, what do you think?
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. When life gives you lemons ask why how you ended up hog tied in a Florida orchard
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Pickle Rick lights a joint with a Pickle Bic it’s absolutely just science.
i beat the first tomb raider pc game without cheats what more clout do you need.
Ladies, the open-ended pocket in the crotch of your bathing suit is so the jellyfish can escape
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. my fupa remembers when camel toe wasn’t cool
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Fuck it man life is too short, Im gonna start keeping spare batteries in my butt hole YOLO
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. You know you're getting old when your heavily plucked 90s eyebrows won't grow but that chin hair is multiplying like weeds.
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. gonna be health conscious today and eat a salad but it's potato salad but it's loaded cheese fries with ranch dressing
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Of the 7 deadly sins which is your fave?!
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Once while at summer camp, I went two full weeks without washing my hair. I was on the staff.
I'm only telling you this so that in comparison, it seems like my standards have improved, but also so you know I can get down and dirty.
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. I have in-laws that are:
Doctors
Mechanic
Hairstylist
and a Home repairman
With 1 sibling unmarried, I need to talk him into finding a nice dentist to marry.
Holidays on laughing gas would be so much better.
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. I really don’t mind having gray hair. But why do they have to grow all wild?! Like just be calm like the rest of my hair
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Is getting better looking a side effect of the vaccine or is it just me?
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. If you think you’re a Jim, you’re probably a Michael. If you think you’re a Michael, you’re definitely a Dwight
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. I texted queef instead of queen and now I must flee to Poland to live under an assumed identity
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. good morning, specifically to people who use their turn signals
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. When I was pregnant and people would ask where I was registered I’d reply:
Pet Smart, we’re crate training this one
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Sex so good you fall asleep in the middle of it
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. My mom keeps saying Captain Marbles instead of Captain Marvel, and I can't tell if she's serious or not
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. When monkeys sleep they are just catching some chimpanzees
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Wife gave me a hairband for my messy hair and twice since morning I’ve put it on my nose thinking they’re my reading glasses
Retweeted by .:RiotGrl:. Twiends™ uses the Twitter™ API, displays it's logo & trademarks, and is not endorsed or certified by them. These items remain the property of Twitter.
We do not sell followers, we only provide display advertising. Bots & fake accounts are not permitted on twiends. © 2009