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Anthony Dalmeida

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Pretty shocked with Biden's VP announcement. But I gotta hand it to him - it's a bold move.
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
Happy 6th month anniversary to me*!! 🥳 *writing "make tuna salad" in my to-do list
They show me this ad 7x a day. Let it go Elsa, I’m beyond repair
Hi it's your instacarter - 1st time at a grocery store! Took 2 steps in & didn't see chicken, does an elmo mylar balloon work? I already dropped it off, look to the eastern sky
⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ The setting you’ve selected may decrease the lifespan of your device.
Times up. En route to @Apple HQ to demand MaskID. It’s our constitutional right.
Get the okay from your parents to go to and see what Verb can do for you
Trust me you should put some custard in your pockets for a squishy surprise later on
This is why we deserve everything that’s happening.…
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
Every single thing about the Internet is captured here, in this masterful and moving dramatic reading.…
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
@eggplAnthony Sis this is clever and deserved better recognition
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
Love when a QVC sales pitch brags it’s so natural, you can actually EAT the lotion. Lori’s coyly squirting eye cream on a Tostito like check fkn mate bitch, we got you now.
Give me those nasty papers, it’s time for my 7 hour shit
5 Smokin’ Hot Babes That Still Aren’t As Hot As Ms. Honey From “Matilda”
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
Gay culture is your life being delayed 10 years because a maternal italian monster waved a disco stick once & you were forced to stan, instead of becoming a doctor like your real mom wanted
If you read something like "phone, wallet, keys, mask... but give it a zany twist" then you are in my twitter drafts. Please vacate the half-baked premises immediately.
jay sean & nicki tried to warn us about 2020 #illuminaughty🤯u
Imagine the president sending you 4 Venmo requests/day via texts written by the guy who does porn virus pop-ups. Wait you don’t have to: 🚨🚨HORNY DONALDS IN YOUR AREA WANT TO TAKE YOU TO LUNCH - TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!�Eng2
Another one? Should I eat another snickers??
That earthquake scared the shit out of me. Happened as I was reaching for a 3rd ice cream snickers. Not sure what to make of it, just gonna eat it
great job apple, keep up the good work -me if my job was putting the little stickers on apples
The movie Contagion got a lot of things right, but one unforgivable miss was making the conspiracy theorist an internet blogger and not the President of the United States…
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
me explaining my jokes to people who weren't interested in the first place
really opened my book of shadows 🔮p
@eggplAnthony This is by far my favorite video on Twitter
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All my instagram ads are just strap-on after strap-on, boy do they have me pegged
We never expected a Twitter President but here we are. Mark my words - a TikTok President is coming & the 1st Chaturbate President has already been born.
it’s friday, treat yourself to a tapioca
This is a whole movie. Every act more stunning than the last. Proposal, Hashbrown, Surprise Guest, Denouement, Surprise Guest (Reprise)
me burning calories in lockdown. i love this verb.
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
🚨 An important update from the President �Al
fauci's pitch is gay rights. i feel seen.
me burning calories in lockdown. i love this verb.
episodes is a wonderful show that is now on netflix in case you missed it on showtime. (the same trajectory of weeds, starring her majesty mary-louise parker)
Wanna feel old? Mary-Louise Parker is turning 374 today
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
you can fall asleep to this tonight if you like
person woman man camera tv, but it loops until the world ends (soon)
my days would be better if when i woke up, i had already written orinoco flow - anything i do now is a bonus. i sip my tea in peace, for i've already written orinoco flow.
Me, in a maroon velvet blazer meant for an 8 year old, leather balloon pants, nipple tassels made of corn husk, and size 13 men’s loafers, smoking a 9 inch cigarette that smells like a 300 year old ape and twirling a Bop-It like a baton: “I’m gonna make you a star kid....”
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
A good summary of Mary Trump’s book is that it’s like Succession if Succession sucked
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
imagine being enya. like good morning, i wrote orinoco flow, think i'll make a cup of tea
Fair warning - half-asleep last night I drafted 9 chaotic tweets about Enya. I'm powerless to stop them. God help us all. Who can say where the road goes, when the tweets post? Only time.
Don’t @ me till I’ve had my afternoon bottle of Fruitopia 😤
get the male models off my explore page @instagram. i'm no longer equipped to care that some hott man made muffins
@ADRSD @aramelijah @eggplAnthony Why didn’t you watch until the end the first time before commenting? 1:09 isn’t going to kill you. A lot of people have ADHD
Retweeted by Anthony Dalmeida
Everyone pls cast this spell to stop Trump, it’s the only way🔮w
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