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kara cohen

Ugh. My dentist's office is so thirsty. Stop calling me. Can't you see I'm ghosting you?
I wish I was a weird looking dog.
No. I am not "in control" spam email headline. And please stop asking me open ended existential questions.
Favorite film? Susan Boyle Audition video.
Every month there's another meteor shower that's going to be the best in a 100 years. I've head enough of the lying.
I feel like the only person who "gets" me, like, really speaks to my heart and soul is the person who writes @nihilist_arbys.
Hey @SUBWAY, where's your God now? Your first mistake was believing in anything. Life is vile. Eat arbys. Die quickly. Escape to blackness
Retweeted by kara cohen
Making a folder called "desktop" and putting everything on your desktop in it = the new stuffing everything in your closet.
When you realize someone on Instagram is a completely different person than you thought, and your entire view of reality shifts...
Things I've accidentally google image searched at work leaving out a KEY word: Squirt (soda), Swingers (movie).
Things I would do for a Klondike bar #JoyhoodNYC
"My new dating app comes out in the fall, it's called 'Sigh.'"
I feel "humbled" when people reject me or beat me at ping pong. I'm like "oh shit i'm not that special." isn't that what humble means?
Can someone please explain to me why people say they feel "humbled" when other people give them money or praise?
What's a good food pairing for feelings?
I hate that now I can see how many people saw my tweet and DIDN'T favorite.
In my day people weren't proud of calling themselves "disrupters." That shit's rude.
Just one of those days where an entire pepper grinder's worth unground pepper balls falls into your salad and you try to eat it anyways...
When a website makes me sign up before I even know what they do, and I do anyways. OH THE SHAME
If Brooklynites are "bridge and tunnel" Manhattan people who come to Brooklyn on the weekend should now be called "Islanders."
Daniel Johnston's "Hi, How Are You" album holds up.
Waiting for the clock to strike noon so I can feel okay about eating my lunch.
Just realized I am only tweeting about food. oh well.
It's important to carbo-load before a marathon of feelings.
Just realized I've been singing "Can't Stop Eatiiinnng" to the tune of "Don't stop believe believing" in my head for the past 3 weeks.
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