Kirsten Alberts

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this account stole my tweet and all they changed was making the doctor a man lmao i am dying
Retweeted by Kirsten Alberts
masturbating on company time so i can finally get paid for something i love to do
Retweeted by Kirsten Alberts
Vote for me and I will make cars have the right of way!!
I don’t think I’ve ever said “good times” because the times were good.
Yo Flat Earthers! check,…..and,…mate bitchez!…
These subways never have open seats. I’m gunna start wearing basketballs.
When you eat an octopus’s legs and there’s only two left it looks like a peace sign but inside they’re screaming.
Dating me is like buying the knockoff version of the cool shark tank product. You feel like you found an amazing deal until you use me once and realize I’m just straight fuckin trash.
I’m not saying I want dogs in wheelchairs to be paralyzed, but they’re cute enough to give me munchausen by dachshy.
I’m literally right here this is so rude
Retweeted by Kirsten Alberts
It’s not pedophilia if it’s bestiality too!
I’m a stay-at-home slut!
If you put a black and white filter on any picture I think I’m smiling in and cropped it into any photo from the 1800s, you’d be like “this nice photo of people frowning are being ruined by that sad girl.”
I wish I was better at hiding when im nervous but I got that big pussy energy. You can’t blame me though. Stuffing five cocks in my clam is terrifying.
Not even Kahuna likes my comedy.
I’m lucky my dog isn’t a person cause I would not be cool enough to hang out with him. #trapped
After my first blowjob with a guy, he never wants me to do it again. Which I’ll never understand because they all tell me how much I suck.
Diva cups are so messy. I’m tired of telling people staring at me after I walk out of a restroom stall that I need to floss more.
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