Conan O'Brien

All Photos Twitter.com 8 hours ago
I heard aliens were about to officially reveal themselves to Earthlings but the whole Jeopardy mess really turned them off.
21h
Enjoyed talking to @AndyRichter and @anylaurie16 about a fan-favorite sketch, "Puppy Conan." #BehindTheNonsense youtu.be/1ZkS8jkEVM4
Very glad to know that my fan Rose is out there kicking ass, killing bugs, and gliding through the roller derby of life. apple.co/TeamCoco
The new James Bond movie is just Daniel Craig frantically running errands saying, "Sorry, I would die, but I simply don't have the time!"
It's pretty cool that within weeks we'll be seeing all those Met Gala outfits at our local Goodwills.
Time spent with @melissamccarthy is time VERY well spent. Check out our gabfest. apple.co/TeamCoco
I felt a strong need to talk about Norm today and I was lucky that two good friends from my show joined me to share stories about what made this brilliant and complicated guy so unique. apple.co/TeamCoco
I am absolutely devastated about Norm Macdonald. Norm had the most unique comedic voice I have ever encountered and he was so relentlessly and uncompromisingly funny. I will never laugh that hard again. I'm so sad for all of us today.
Loved chatting with the person behind some of your favorite #ParksAndRec episodes, @alanyang. His new podcast #ParksAndRecollection (co-hosted by @RobLowe) drops tomorrow. apple.co/TeamCoco
The only thing grosser than a Human Centipede is a Centipede Human, which is hundreds of centipedes sewn together to look like a guy.
I’m a real work horse, meaning I constantly need someone to feed me a carrot while they stroke my hair.
The only way to get out of the Matrix is using a landline, so who’s the boomer now???
My fan Kyle is a killer opera singer, but it’s only a matter of time before I ruin his career. apple.co/TeamCoco
When I wear a mask on a plane I get special treatment because everyone thinks I’m Jane Lynch.
Our only hope is that COVID gets tired of winning.
I was supposed to interview @kristenschaaled in this episode, but she ended up interviewing me. apple.co/TeamCoco
If you think Miss Frizzle didn't use that Magic School Bus to get real small and travel up people's buttholes, think again.
The “Nirvana Baby” lawsuit has inspired me to seek millions from my parents for this picture:
Right now the only safe place to buy real estate is on that garbage island in the Pacific.
This week, I learned that enjoying my comedy is a red flag in the dating world. apple.co/TeamCoco
I’m confused on where the “Theranos Trial” fits in the Marvel Universe.
One of the coolest things about my new show being on HBO Max is that it'll probably be released in theaters and on TV the exact same day.
Pick up something I just dropped, or step over it for three days first?
I’ve been watching “F-boy Island” and I still can’t tell which one is the French Boy.
Great—my horse has worms and the pharmacy is out of everything except COVID vaccines.
I was horrified to learn that my podcast pairs well with performing an autopsy. apple.co/TeamCoco
I bet dogs assume every film is really artistic because they're in black and white.
I haven’t been this excited about a new Spiderman trailer since the last 47 Spiderman trailers.
Waiting for FDA approval before I take the Milk Crate Challenge.
Loved talking to Hannah Einbinder about the massive success of "Hacks," the perils of tinted sunscreen, and why she should invest her money in oceanfront real estate. apple.co/TeamCoco
Just booked a therapist appointment because I found out that baby carrots are just cut up regular carrots.
Is it spelled "thrupple" or "throuple?" Want to make sure I get it right on this list of things I'll never get to do.
Anyone bummed about Only Fans should check out the toe cleavage on my Wikifeet page.
In this week’s fan interview, I learned that I look like a Therizinosaurus. apple.co/TeamCoco
If they don't call the "Cruella" sequel "Crueller," I'm not sure what we're all even doing here.
I'm bringing my desperate search for companionship to @wiltern for our first ever LIVE "Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend." ticketmaster.com/event/09005B0C…
Have an idea for a show: The Masked Singer except no masks, and it’s not celebrities, and they’re British and they bake stuff.
Check out the first episode of #BehindTheNonsense where I talk to @AndyRichter and @levimacdougall about a sketch that still makes me laugh. youtu.be/NGHZJAgGP7c
I could have easily spent 35 hours talking to @MichaelKeaton. apple.co/TeamCoco
.@CoreResponse is mobilizing to give urgent care for the thousands of Haitians devastated by yesterday’s earthquake and raising funds to provide emergency shelter, medical care, and rubble removal is of critical importance. You can help by donating at donate.coreresponse.org/give/352920/#!…
Mopeds: All the risks of a motorcycle minus the ‘looking cool’ part.
Just read a fascinating New York Times piece that claimed I’ve reached my free article limit for the month.
I bet a cool thing about cleaning up after the Olympics is that you get to keep any medals you find on the ground.
Hear @roryscovel, @danielvankirk, and I give our best tips on falling asleep to a @thepenpalspod listener @ apple.co/TeamCoco
I'm still having a fair amount of fun walking up to random strangers and saying, "So...you as good as they say you are?"
Now that the Olympics are over, I can finally go back to being confident about my body.
If you peaked in high school and are also funny, Cecily Strong and I resent you. apple.co/TeamCoco
It would class things up a lot if they called that show ‘FBoy Archipelago.’
I just declined to “accept cookies” if you want to know what kind of mood I’m in today.
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