Chelsea Handler

All Photos Twitter.com 15 hours ago
Just sitting here thinking about how grateful I am to have so many people that I love in my life, to live the life I do and to be going on tour doing what I love. And that I’m finally in love, with the best kind of guy there is. There is hope for everyone! That kind of stuff.
Patient # 2. Mallorca edition!
Any time you need it, is a good time for a vodka grapefruit cocktail.
This is your reminder to get vaccinated.
You want it, you got it. #VaccinatedAndHorny tour merch is now live on my website shop.chelseahandler.com
Ladies, we’re the captains now. Let’s go!
Ohio! @Russo4Ohio (OH-15) and @ShontelMBrown (OH-11) are both running in special elections, and they are on the ballot in just two months! Help them win: emilyslist.org/donate/page/20…
Retweeted by Chelsea Handler
This is how to be a good friend. Season finale of Dear Chelsea out today. iheart.com/podcast/1119-d…
I love men who have never been pregnant telling women how long it takes to find out you’re pregnant. “And then when you have baby, good luck getting healthcare or protecting the baby from guns.” twitter.com/therecount/sta…
To all flight attendants. I’m sorry.
I remain steadfast in my decision. To all the parents out there—make yourself a cocktail or pop an edible. You’re doing the Lord’s work, and I’m doing mushrooms with my landscaper.
No hitting on people at funerals. New episode of Dear Chelsea out today. iheart.com/podcast/1119-d…
Texas won’t stop a virus from reproducing but they will sue a woman who doesn’t want to— nice work, men.
Texas will force you to become a mother, unless your fetus is pro Critical Race Theory.
Yes, children will become “spoiled” by this basic human need. Welcome to America. twitter.com/washingtonpost…
People have been having babies since the dawn of time, and apparently now, I’m an OBGYN. New episode of Dear Chelsea out now. iheart.com/podcast/1119-d…
Wait until you ask the rest of the country. twitter.com/thehill/status…
Put the vaccine in it and we’ll be good to go by Thanksgiving. twitter.com/nypost/status/…
Jim Crow laws institutionalized discrimination and locked millions of Black Americans out of the ballot box. On August 28, we'll gather to say: We won’t go back to Jim Crow America! bit.ly/MarchOnForVoti… Join the #VotingRightsMarch!
“Ginger Gaetz” will have a nice ring to it when being called up to a witness stand. twitter.com/nypost/status/…
Arming teachers with the tools to stop a shooter and showing flight attendants how to knock someone out— definitely why people got into those respective career fields. twitter.com/nbcnightlynews…
Santa Barbara we did it. I reopened the bowl after its last show in 2019. We’re on tour, everybody. Even coming to Florida! Check your cities! I can’t wait to see more of you soon. #VaccinatedAndHorny chelseahandler.com
Flight attendants are taking self-defense and karate classes to protect themselves from passengers who refuse to wear masks. I hope you guys are proud of yourself for assaulting a flight attendant and refusing to wear masks. And you want people to take you seriously?
Come see me in Houston on 12/10 at 713 Music Hall!#VaccinatedAndHorny chelseahandler.com
Remember, safety first. New episode of Dear Chelsea out now. iheart.com/podcast/1119-d…
Houston 🚨Tickets are now on presale for my December 10th show at 713 Music Hall with code: HORNY. Come see me.chelseahandler.com/#VaccinatedAnd…YG
Fox News: Here are the Top 10 Places to Get Brisket in Texas. twitter.com/usatoday/statu…
I’m coming to cities (probably) near you! Get #VaccinatedAndHorny with me. Tickets available at chelseahandler.com
Fox News is going to put white people on the endangered species list. twitter.com/nytimes/status…
A license is required to drive a car— here’s how a baby feels about that. twitter.com/cnbc/status/14…
"What'd you learn in school today?" Science. twitter.com/sawyerhackett/…
Government should not weigh in on wearing masks, but they should weigh in on whether a woman has the freedom to choose if she has a baby? That’s quite a stance. twitter.com/therecount/sta…
Good use of money. Nothing down here on Earth needs funding. twitter.com/thehill/status…
“Where he fucked up, is when he touched my titties.” Same, girl. twitter.com/kristerjohnson…
Not listening to science while refusing to fund a place where they teach science. twitter.com/kylegriffin1/s…
Fingerblast away. New episode of Dear Chelsea out now. iheart.com/podcast/1119-d…
Flawless idea. No way it backfires. Zero notes. twitter.com/hypebeast/stat…
Thanks @benbruno1 for understanding what it takes to get in shape for my upcoming #VaccinatedAndHorny tour. I can’t wait to see you! Find tickets chelseahandler.com
DWS consistently rejected them in favor of non-Black and non-local developers.” This is a continuation of performative allyship without actually ever having any real intention of being an ally. twitter.com/thehill/status…
I love when men who can’t work umbrellas run countries. twitter.com/eton5s/status/…
They always come back around. New episode of Dear Chelsea out now. iheart.com/podcast/1119-d…
Overheard: “The irony of antivaxers saying they don’t want to be part of an experiment without realizing they are now the control group."
Retweeted by Chelsea Handler
“The huge increase in government aid prompted by the coronavirus pandemic will cut poverty nearly in 1/2 this year from pre-pandemic levels and push the share of Americans in poverty to the lowest level on record.”-NY times. Isn’t it great to have a leader who gives a shit?
It’s amazing that women get called “emotional” when I have never seen more men throwing tantrums about Simone Biles.
I support Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka— their right to choose what’s best for them is courageous and respectable. And if someone has a problem with it (Megyn Kelly), I have a good indica to recommend, it’ll calm you down. twitter.com/time/status/14…
.@Simone_Biles drew a boundary for herself and her health on the world stage. This is real superhuman strength, setting an example for all of us.
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