Brian Gaar

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I got their money already so they’re getting 20 minutes of Pokémon Unite strategy
Social media has only two purposes: spreading right wing propaganda or telling someone with a million followers they're brave for having eczema
Hey I'm headlining this tonight if you're in Austin. New jokes! And old jokes (esp if the new ones don't work)!…
Inside the Koopa Slaughterhouses That Fuel the Insatiable Kart Racing Industry…
Retweeted by Brian Gaar
Thinking about getting into drifting
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The only joy in being a Texan is watching our macho cowboy cosplaying leaders get regularly humiliated by Trump.…
Update: my aquarium is now full of dozens of their offspring. They're basically the Duggars of snails. Does anyone need snails, seriously
Jimmy Carter is the best ex president because he builds houses for the homeless but even better, he straight up called the US an oligarchy…
I don't love anything enough to wait in a line this long. It could be Led Zeppelin with John Bonham in 1975 and I'd be like, "I'll just go listen to the record."…
Me: "I promise I won't cry, it's just a single frame in a movie" The Single Frame:
If you like retro jrpgs please check this out, they’re almost funded…
getting back into Pokemon Go after 4 years should be one of the stages of grief
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In 2011 everyone was terrified that mobile would kill console and PC gaming, so everything got easier for fear of losing eyeballs. Dark Souls basically said, fuck that.
It brought back the "games are supposed to be hard" ethos in a world of mini maps, too many powerups and save points galore. Influential in all the best ways.
There hasn't been a better game in the last 10 years…
My entire conscious life has been silent majority boomers being mad about the 60s. We wanted to do a hippie-themed prom in high school; our parents told us no because it was "a divisive time" lol
This was Nina Simone on Sesame Street in 1972, no way this happens today. There'd be chyrons within the hour: "WOKE SESAME STREET HATES WHITE PEOPLE"…
Ali in 2021 would be the lead story every day on Fox News. Greg Abbott would ban him from entering Texas; he'd have to move his family into witness protection because of all the death threats.
Watching the Ken Burns Ali documentary, and everyone talks about how he's beloved now but was super controversial in the 60s. Um, he'd be hated even more today; we can't even handle respectful kneeling, much less a draft boycott and conversion to Islam.
can’t have little brailyn and hunter thinking that their black classmates are people like them…
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@briangaar I once replied to a comedians tweet. They liked it, followed me, then deleted their account.
Retweeted by Brian Gaar
My favorite Norm story is 8 years ago when he followed me on twitter. I immediately told everyone I knew. Within 24 hours he had unfollowed.
Luckily in pro-life Texas we subsidize childcare and pay workers a living wage jk our taxes buy more bullwhips for the border patrol.…
Just a reminder that I'm headlining @SURETHINGATX THIS Friday. Masks & vaccinations are required because I'm a sheeple who hasn't done his research…
My main memory of Macbeth was our English teacher making us read the play aloud. I was Ross, which I read in a Ross Perot voice and it murdered.
I will watch this even if they are speaking Shakespearean English, which I can never follow because I'm a dope…
Update: they're gone. Now I feel bad.
I'm NOT against woodpeckers, but at the same time, what the hell
Went outside and there were like 10 woodpeckers in my trees. I didn't want to hurt their feelings but it felt like too many specialized birds in one area.
Gonna play Fortnite with my grandchildren
Can't believe the Panthers beat us with one of the Hoff twins coaching
When The Shins did a McDonald's commercial…
i’ve spent the last 8 days periodically screaming at this Balinese cab drivers business card
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This is a pretty dry read but it's a good explainer of exactly how the wealthy steal your money.…
Well this has been a disaster
Finally: Nintendo Is Going Door to Door to Patch Wavedashing Out of Melee…
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Filed under "Dudes grubbing for followers" (You've encountered some and you know some.)…
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If I hit 100k, I’ll stream Battletoads. Stretch goals 200k: Dragon Quest III 1 million: Night Trap
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