Brandon Wardell

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.@BRANDONWARDELL: “Do we have any straight guys here with painted fingernails?” Watch the full set: spr.ly/6016zbqEA
Retweeted by Brandon Wardell
As I reflect on the events of January 6th 2021 at our great nation’s Capitol building, I can’t help but think about how Im performing in Washington DC in 2 weeks at the DC Comedy Loft. 6/23-6/25. 5 shows, tickets still available.
Awesome dutch guy I met on the train from paris to amsterdam
DC in a couple weeks. 6/23-6/25
🇨🇦 VANCOUVER NEXT WEEK 🇨🇦 WED 5np5n
Retweeted by Brandon Wardell
Why did my hotel room come w this framed bedside
🇨🇦 VANCOUVER NEXT WEEK 🇨🇦 WED 5np5n
Im doing a last minute @NetflixIsAJoke fest show next sunday. Please come netflixisajokefest.com/show/brandon-w…
cool hat I just found at 7/11
invited my aunt to my seattle show next week smh
Not me watching Euphoria 👁👄👁 Lexi’s play was crazyyyyyy 😹 Gonna be 30 years old in 6 months
London this May 😍🇬nZN
CVS when Im picking up insulin to not die: that’ll be 1000000000 dollars CVS when Im picking up xanax that I definitely don’t actually need: take a penny leave a penny :)
Hate is a virus. Love is the vaccine.
Texting and driving hits different when youre drunk
I watch maybe 1-3 Norm compilations on youtube every week and just remembered when he tweeted this about Brody. Death fucking sucks but it is beautiful knowing that you can go back and watch them on the computer whenever you miss them twitter.com/normmacdonald/…
I think about these two and a half pages from Norm Macdonald’s book constantly. When I reviewed it, I wrote that they would “make for a fine eulogy”—and I swear I didn’t mean anything by it. But they do.
Retweeted by Brandon Wardell
Nobody is was or ever will be funnier than Norm. Fuck this
Priest gives me a communion wafer. Tells me it's "the body of Christ". Gives me wine. Tells me it's "the blood of Christ". Gives me a DVD box set. I go, "Father what is this............." He says to me, "The Mind of Mencia"
Twitter to ban “former gifted children” starting October 1
It was the only Saturday available on the calendar 🤦🏻‍♂️twitter.com/BellHouseNY/st…amc
This was when the internet peaked for me. Downhill ever since 50 Cent stopped hanging out w weird children
Here’s 26 minutes of standup comedy for free :) youtu.be/F3TVm-9mDaM
Girls love to be like “I can fix his type 1 diabetes”
Ahh fuck. you shouldn’t have let me drink those 2 pilsners. Im freaking out. I think Im having a bad trip man
IT'S TOO LOUD! Here's your trailer for Season 2 of I Think You Should Leave - Coming to Netflix on July 6!
Retweeted by Brandon Wardell
NYC show next month :) @conner_omalley doing a set too Sunday July 11 at The Bell House
I don’t know Trump’s sexuality but Obama should not call him that word. Do better twitter.com/FoxNews/status…
[fully doesn't have the skill or work ethic for a task] omg I have imposter syndrome
Everyones always like "trust science! 🤓" uh yeah ok what about all the scientists who, when he sees a hot girl walk by, his glasses fog up and he knocks over all the beakers with his big boner and then there's a chemical reaction and then the building blows up. What about that
got my second vaccine dose and now I keep getting texts like this :/
everybody these days wants to talk about deep fakes 🤔 we should be talking about how everybody these days is fake deep 😔
my ten year old son just told me instead of the pledge of allegiance they make all the kids at school sing wet ass pussey. he got expelled for not doing it
10 years ago this was a place where somebody could post "the party rock is coming from inside the house" and get 100 likes and immediately get hired to write for the TV. now it's a place where you get yelled at on purpose for free and then also fired. swag
andrew yang: I’m gonna turn every homeless guy into a wifi hotspot. I love to eat a chop cheese at the bodega deadass me: wow this guy is so cool
millennials love to say “I have depression” gen z loves to say “my brain is in my flop era” boomers love to take it out on their son Brandon and say they’ll never respect his work as a comedian
dads love to watch 12 hours of cable news everyday and then once a month they’ll watch a movie they’ve seen before
A Very Special YBS Thanksgiving / Belated International Men’s Day Special with Johnny Wardell and Jamel Johnson
Retweeted by Brandon Wardell
seeing a lot of people on here who want to abolish the electoral college. sorry you weren’t invited to the ragers we had there. say what you will about them but those were some nights I can’t remember with some people I’ll never forget :)
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