LMAO, Kweséis launching before TSTV.
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird? It's a plane? It's, it's time...
Her: What that mouth do?
Me: Mo lè fi eyín shì Pepsi.
Just read a tweet & I'm fully convinced that the people who get 280 character tweets are the people who don't deserve 280 character tweets.
I wish it were a few inches smaller. - Matic
I don't see the problem... twitter.com/allhailla/stat…
Lawyer: Your honour, we call our next witness, Sir Mix-a-Lot.
Crowd: he cannot lie...
[Defendant starts sweating profusely]
There I was, jejely watching Dead Man's Tale then I said to myself: hey, refresh your TL for a bit AND THAT'S WHEN EVERYTHING WENT WTFLOL...
I wonder, do you feel lighter getting the off your chest?
-LOL, SorryNotSorry. twitter.com/_wangwe/status…
I'm not English but I can't wait to use this on my mum. twitter.com/BeeBabs/status…
EXT. BUSY STREET - NOON
Issa, crossing the street spontaneously combusts.
INT - MFM HALL
Tobi: ALL MY ENEMIES, HOLY GHOST...
Very upset the first tool isn't: get the right kind of passport (hint: British or US.) SMH twitter.com/MoveWithDoyin/…
People with 280 characters just doing the most... Why are you shouting?! twitter.com/OhTimehin/stat…
Greg is already out on a top top secret assignment, you're humanity's only hope now... Will you step up, or stay a coward, soldier?! twitter.com/badplans/statu…
The mission, if you choose to accept it, is to dance behind a strangers' booty to an Alabama Shakes song. Good luck.
Someone's taking the piss here twitter.com/WhatTheFFacts/…
No one ever wants to talk about the elephant in the room because "mr sensitive" never forgets.
The lone wolf dies but the pack causes climate change, systematic racism... Basically, they fuck it up for everyone.
Seems juvenile that every year we throw a big party to celebrate us unfollowing Britain...
Funniest thing I've read today is someone complaining that a "striker" "scores" after his "teammates" do their work in a TEAM sport. lol
The first rule of the Flat Earth Theory Club is to covfefe.
Acts like this should be classified as online terrorism. twitter.com/Elurchin/statu…
Truly wesome when Naruto and Sasuke go all Captain Planet: LET OUR POWERS COMBINE and give dem SusanooKurama.
All I'm saying is: massages have been known to stop pain... twitter.com/beccajamerson/…
Me, when asked to pick a different brothel. twitter.com/ImohUmoren/sta…
┳┻| _ (PSST! Wanna buy
┻┳| •.•) #280characters
┳┻|⊂ﾉ I give you good
I think I'm now ready for fatherhood cos I believe I can now solve about 60-70% of their homework using Google.
Martial came to Russia with a mission, which is to have someone's kid being told at school tomorrow: "your daddy is a pipe!"
Lol, what about Lukaku's first touch again?
stream i'm watching the game on is almost unbearable; commentator keeps referring to a 'cleansheet' as 'shutout'...americans ruin everything
Look, what I'm saying is: no one should have 280 character tweets but if SOME people are having 280 character limits, then I fucking want it
People, the iPhone X is pronounced "iPhone 10" and now that I've educated you, this is what I want for 10mas...
Jack better come out with an update to mute 280 character tweets. I'm here for a good time not a long read.
It's like how I always say: he who speaks in maxims, appears very, profound.
There are two kinds of people, those who can dance and white people.
Woke up this morning squeezing someone's daughter's yansh. I know it's gonna be a good day.
Need some life advice; anyone have the contact for Malcolm Jamal Warner?
My Grandfather lost his left eye fighting for the British in this campaign: theguardian.com/world/video/20…
THEY'RE BOTH STOPEEED COS IT'S MINERALS! twitter.com/fxntney/status…
fucking hell, what a game! can't believe i get to see united give a team 4 despite playing shite for large swaths of the game...
Good lord, Valencia rocket!
I said: "girl, I want us to do things only lovers do," and next we were having an underwear only fight in front of all our neighbours...
This viral video looks like the cutest thing in the world — but it's a nightmare for these animals.
looks like he's got something to say,
but nothing comes out when he move his lips,
just a bunch of gibberish,
all cos he forgot about Dre.
trick to getting penis out of a coke bottle? distracting thoughts... DO NOT wish you'd used fanta bottle instead; makes it harder, trust me.