STUDY: 95% of all hoverboard accidents involve riders checking their Apple Watches outside vape stores.
I'm now 10/10 on gauging whether ppl's "I'm pregnant" means 'console me' or 'congratulate me'. This is adulthood. I needed to tell someone.
It's been a minute since I've been on the gram. So a gratuitous #selfie
is necessary. Just… instagram.com/p/BAXa8PeKnS6/
Early Warnings: How American Journalists Reported the Rise of Hitler theatlantic.com/national/archi…
Dear people who think I'm flirting when I'm just being courteous, you're the reason we can't have anything nice.
I'm attempting to talk myself into an #iPad
pro. I know it's a poor decision, yet here I am.
When he says poems and chill and he actually means poems and chill
Unrelated: I can't go to a game where I'm more than 5-6 rows from the field. My attention span just won't let me do it.
Invite me to your "#wraps
" party one more time & watch what happens. Go ahead, do it.
I'm such a tweet bomb dropper. *Tweets once, deleted app, gives up technology for 6 to 8 months.*
I have no idea what are you talking about?
People who show you pictures of their dogs like they're kids are pretty much the best that the universe has to offer. ❤️
"I'm only buying one box so you all best agree on something or we leave the store right now and no one gets anything"
Share to help ensure the plight of #humantrafficking
victims does not go unnoticed endHT.org #igivehope
Children For Sale: The Fight to End Human Trafficking. A CNN Special Report.
Story of my life😩.
Unrelated: Still looking to adopt a grandma. Must be 90+ & live in a rent controlled apt in NYC.twitter.com/kayevalley/sta…
Facebook: Come for the misinformation, stay for the outrage!
is so heartbreaking; it really puts a human face on the U.S gun violence problem. Mandatory viewing.
I hate myself for laughing but... twitter.com/poopscruffin4u…
Hate crimes. In 2015. Racism. In 2015. And don't call it a mental illness or we will still be here in 2025. #CharlestonShooting
Which one of these men is being arrested for a mass murder? #CharlestonShooting #WhitePrivilege
Losing faith in doing the right thing. *
I honestly can no longer remember what I was thinking with spiders.
Don't let Twitter have you acting all Hollywood on people. It's not that deep 😒.
I can confirm that 97% of #NY
bosses are in #TheHamptons
right now -- & have been drunk since 9am. Why did you even go into work?
Introduction to Choices and Consequences in the Internet Age #RejectedUniversityClasses
Off-duty Army Captain credited with saving NC couple from fiery crash link.myfox8.com/1IGVs9X #SteveVoglezon
I'm not a good enough Christian (yet) to overlook the improper use of the "you" form; something about it peeves me out to no end. 😐
After 6 months of waiting, family of Tamir Rice makes traumatic decision to have him cremated
My packing job looks something like what 6 year old running away from home would have in their backpack. #struggle
So many devastating anecdotes in @SarahMaslinNir
's off-the-charts superb story on nail salon workers in the Times.
If you can't be courteous to someone attending to you / you act like they're beneath you, there's a negative 300% of us doing business. Bye.
Never, everrrr trust people who are rude to service attendants. #TheMoreYouKnow
Whenever you're caught doing something really embarrassing, "it's for science" is ALWAYS a legitimate explanation. #Trust
me on this one.
Gotta stop wearing boat shoes through life. Nah, who am I kidding? Besides, it's March. That's kind of Spring-y...if you ignore all the snow
I really love New Yorkers, they just "get" me; that & the fact that they have zero qualms about taking/dishing out the sass.
"Was that about me?"
"Yes. Incidentally, this is the only meeting that I'm attending at this very second".
On a scale of one through I called this meeting so I can hear myself talk, what are the chances that we're getting out of here by noon?
I swear...he better live to be, like, 80 in human years for how much trouble he's caused.
Just spent a solid 3 hours taking down a piece of my garage wall to rescue a bird that was trapped inside. Happy Monday!🎈
social interactions are my fave.
Thanks a lot.
Note to self: Get new friends.
I have the kind of friends who when I'm trying to sneak out after dinner to avoid someone, they tell the waitress it's my birthday & sing.
I'm convinced that 90% of people who love to cite the unconstitutionality of something, have never read it. 😒
I used to be so excited about flying...now I'm all "But I forgot my license" & my instructor's all "well, try & not get pulled over"😒😒.
: Suge Knight had another panic attack. Who knew murder was so anxiety inducing?” << 😂😂