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Antoni
Sorry you couldn't live up to the man you first won me over as
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have u ever met the human version of a headache
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Sometimes, The Person You'd Take A Bullet For.... Ends Up Being The One Behind The Gun.
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Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
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Get your alibi ready...I'm coming.
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Whiskey. Stealing inhibitions and memories since 1581
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I See You Have a Thyroid Problem and Other Foolproof Icebreakers
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People seldom improve when they have no other model but themselves to copy after.
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"Awwwww! How much for the adorable Rudolph nose?" "Ma'am, please stop mocking my alcoholism."
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot kill, the courage to blow up the things I can, and the wisdom to not get caught.
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I'm sure Kermit the frog hooked up with Miss Piggy for the bacon smell.
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I'm just using you for your mind.
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Twist yourself like a pretzel and they'll eat you.
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If we get a kiss under the mistletoe, what kind of weed do I need to hang to get a blow job?
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My mother buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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I like to think of juice as fruit blood because that’s more brutal
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Nothing makes me smile like hearing someone use a big word incorrectly.
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I'd like to see your wine list. "Madam, this is an asylum."
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Our job is not to set things right but to see them right. pic.twitter.com/5JqDkiEWqC
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Sure I'm a gracious host.. I'll graciously tell you to get the fuck out of my house when I've had enough of you.
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If knowledge can create problems it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
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You know what would look great on you? Class.
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You don't cross my mind, you live in it.
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Drop acid not bombs. 👅
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No offense but i want to set you on fire
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Some things can only be understood when you're in a tree house. With a pile of warm chocolate chip cookies & a book. ~Dr. SunWolf
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Of course I'm ambitious. What's wrong with that? Otherwise you sleep all day. ~Ringo Starr
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You have to come to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, & that a soft landing is never guaranteed.
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RT @KairosGlobal: Happiness doesn’t come when you are successful. You are successful when you are happy.
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Light is good from whatever lamp it shines. ~Author Unknown #quote
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My girlfriend wanted a serious relationship. Now we don't smile at each other.
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When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky. ~Buddha
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Some people call it Monday. I call it Back to Drinking Water Day.
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I think I have Stockholm syndrome for alcohol.
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Today is "Use Your Common Sense Day" in the U.S. We could do with a bit of it here too. pic.twitter.com/EXDQMglcg6
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Your Stomach Will Be Grumbling After Reading These 13 Facts About Chipotle ---> a.dose.com/M2Pr pic.twitter.com/0aAQOvpyJH
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Hate weight limit signs in the elevator. Then I’m put in the awkward position of telling some pregnant woman she has to take the stairs.
At 15:00 24h Wacky @thewarriorrace: 70 BRAVE Warriors doing wacky racing for a full 24 hours! @CANSA @HeroAdventure1 pic.twitter.com/hciZFiyDWc
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The XFR-S. Great company for those dark and lonely nights. pic.twitter.com/FOL9s5nkiu
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"Those hoes can go turn tricks and pay for their own fucking candy..." and other things I apparently said too loudly tonight.
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We had front row seats as an event sponsor at the @GQdotcoza #GQBD awards. Read about it here on.fb.me/1s0xQAz pic.twitter.com/XxZrWeHjJ2
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You know that friend who won't tell you when you have broccoli in your teeth? I'm her
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Weighed down by your DSLR? Ditch it and get the award-winning NX30 for free! #DitchtheDSLR spr.ly/6010SJCo pic.twitter.com/K7prY69gGL
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