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The Onion

Elderly Woman Begins Freezing Meals Husband Can Eat While She’s Passed Away trib.al/DeP1l1R
1h
Mom Wants One Of Those Things Your Sister Has For Christmas trib.al/UYiW9SA
God Admits He Never Created Gerbils trib.al/kao8Dl4
Entire Shopping Mall Quietly Dreading Whatever Empty Stage Set Up For trib.al/izbiKw0
‘You Hate To See That,’ Announces Fan Secretly Thrilled About Rival Player’s Injury trib.al/Hc17FsA
Retweeted by The Onion
Obama Finally Fulfills Campaign Promise To Spend One Night In Abandoned Amusement Park trib.al/HX7cVDK
Pfizer Kingpin Gunned Down In Ongoing Prescription Drug Cartel Turf War trib.al/v6Mv1Le
Parents Wish Weak-Willed Daughter Would Push Back Against Violin Lessons Just A Little trib.al/YqAh00h
Editorial Cartoon: "Unhappy Days" trib.al/Vafo7ia
Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life! trib.al/EXxQByT
Man Has No Idea What To Do With Good Mood - The Onion - America's Finest News Source trib.al/rSyOVQO
Man To Continue Slowly Drifting Into Middle Of Restaurant Until Host Redirects Him trib.al/eZgPOr4
Cuban Army Honors Fidel Castro With 21-Gun Firing Squad trib.al/ZmVxYzV
All shirts on the Onion Store are made from 100% t-shirt. store.theonion.com
Departing Employee Not Quite Important Enough For Send-Off trib.al/3Ymg3nF
Study: Depression Up Among Teenage Girls Able To Perceive Any Part Of World Around Them trib.al/PUaXIb5
.@peteholmes + #FacesAndSounds = one great comedy special premiering tonight at 10pm on @HBO. itsh.bo/2f7veAR
Retweeted by The Onion
Sick Man Slowly Becoming Enthroned In Used Tissues trib.al/F8rIXjR
Roommate Protective Services Rescues Helpless 22-Year-Old From Squalid Apartment trib.al/sYZKHzF
Poll: 78% Of Americans Hope Cataclysmic Event Wiping Out Humanity Will Have Big Tidal Wave trib.al/Rr4rvAP
Pit Of Komodo Dragons Shocked To Discover Billionaire Who Owns Them Is Just 26 trib.al/WEfvNWo
Dancing 7-Year-Old Looks To Expand Fan Base From Parents To Parents’ Friends trib.al/BXiAqlr
Empty ‘About Us’ Page Leaves Chinese Buffet’s Origins Shrouded In Mystery trib.al/O2P1Sbr
Dog Not Sure It Ready To Tackle Whatever Happened To Man At Work Today trib.al/aVMbu8a
"You’d have to be an idiot not to use them,” said defensive coordinator Brent Pry. trib.al/1KYl0B5
 
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