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The Onion
satire comedy news humour 5,853,020 followers
Music Playing In Bar Could Stand To Be Louder, Worse onion.com/PxV2sN
  3h
[American Voices] FDA Bans E-Cigarettes For Minors onion.com/PxU0gp #WhatDoYouThink?
  5h
Avril Lavigne and Justin Bieber provoke strained relations with Asia avc.lu/QBXQX6
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  6h
Robinson Cano Didn’t Realize Mariners Expected Him To Run Their Social Media Too onion.com/1jWMmFS
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  6h
World’s Luminaries Crowd Around @TIME 100 List Posted On Editor’s Door onion.com/1nK6Cx4
  7h
You vote for us to win at @TheWebbyAwards. We don't cancel the internet. Deal? bit.ly/1epM6BY
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  7h
Tim Duncan Asks Jumbotron Operator To Put On 'Cosmos' During Timeouts | More Sports News: onion.com/1gUE7Ig
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  7h
"If we dip back into the princess well, the main character will be thin, pretty, and white." onion.com/1jWLktz pic.twitter.com/R0nHoaAOtm
  8h
Man Has Story For Every Stain On Pants onion.com/1gUGP0u
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Small Business Still Manages To Mistreat Workers Like Large Corporate Chain onion.com/1lJtyj1
  9h
Music Playing In Bar Could Stand To Be Louder, Worse onion.com/1lJof39
Chris Paul Encourages Local Juveniles To Stay Out Of Foul Trouble onion.com/1hpLJWY
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.@littergeniecat is the best way to get rid of your cat’s litter clumps, other than having your dog eat it.
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Marc Summers: "There’s just so much blood—there’s no way I have enough pink gak to cover all that up." onion.com/1hpNfIE
Marc Summers Realizes Police Will Immediately Look For Body In Giant Pile Of Mashed Potatoes onion.com/1hpGkzi pic.twitter.com/sw0UyNxgNX
In Focus: Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M. onion.com/18UyM3h pic.twitter.com/KRo2himjfk
The trouble with triplets: Leslie Knope’s babies and a problematic sitcom trend avc.lu/1mIi66I
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[American Voices] “Gay marriage is destroying this nation.” onion.com/1gTMcgm pic.twitter.com/G8Mpug0hgv
In Focus: Take-Charge, Can-Do Guy Makes Horrible Decisions onion.com/1npHRZK
Neighborhood Kids Grant Landmark Status To House Where Guy Killed Himself onion.com/1npDLAK
Full report at theonion.com
How To Live Gluten-Free | Murder all bakers in proximity to your home: onion.com/1npDC0i
Let’s honor @TheWebbyAwards by helping them give The Onion a prize. bit.ly/1epM6BY
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Perverted Little Boy Asks To Sleep With Parents onion.com/1npBhCq