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The Onion

Officials Unveil Plan To Convert Underused Senate Chamber Into Storage Facility onion.com/2al9bXt
Contrarian Amazon User Completely Upends Critical Consensus On Microfiber Towels onion.com/2agtuFW
Report: Majority Of Statements Now Prefaced By Phrase ‘In Light Of Recent Events’ onion.com/29RWkhw
Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes onion.com/2ahwu7K
Clinton Assures Tim Kaine She’ll Continue Serving As President In Event Of Her Death onion.com/29Rkito
To see more unmatched reporting, visit theonion.com.
Fox News Chief Resigns Amid Harassment Claims onion.com/29QRaCl #WhatDoYouThink?
Please Do Not Dip Into This Reserve Of Vin Diesel Pictures Unless It's An Absolute Emergency clckhl.co/lVzGNVQ
Retweeted by The Onion
Nation's Joggers Sick Of Finding Dead Bodies onion.com/2aeINi6
Highlights Of The 2016 RNC onion.com/2ahukFm
ExxonMobil Vows Lenient Treatment For Any Species That Surrenders Voluntarily onion.com/2a6npMZ
Man Checks To Make Sure No One Home Before Recording Song Into Laptop onion.com/2amaHLQ
Pokémon Go Is Completely Changing The Reasons Why I Go To The River At Night clckhl.co/VqfQ7UY
Retweeted by The Onion
Let the whole town know you’re getting crazy by ditching the tiara for a beard of bees onion.com/2aiBllV
Tips For Throwing The Perfect Bachelorette Party onion.com/2aeeZ5g
World Leaders Pour Into Washington To Pay Last Respects To Dying Nation onion.com/2ailB2l
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Donald Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech onion.com/2air0qc
Visit theonion.com for the latest from the most influential media empire human civilization has ever seen
Marilyn Monroe’s Hair To Be Sold At Auction onion.com/29YyC0t #WhatDoYouThink?
Making The Most Of Your Summer Camp Experience onion.com/2aARp1S
Study: Floating Heap Of Trash Now Ocean’s Apex Predator onion.com/2azzvwt
Trump: ‘Remember, This Is Your Last Chance To Get Out Before This Goes Any Further’ onion.com/29R2NWs
‘Low-Energy Jeb,’ Whispers Jeb Bush Sitting Alone In Dark Watching Televised Trump Speech onion.com/29XnctE
Trump Takes Moment To Thank All The Fear In Audience For Making This Night Possible onion.com/2agUeFC
RNC Speech: ‘Fuck, We’re Really Just Letting This Fucking Happen?’ onion.com/29QVEFv #RNCinCLE
 
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