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The Onion
In Sports: Left Fielder Thinking About The Ways A Triple Play Could End With Him onion.com/1G8lMZG pic.twitter.com/o4O8kh9TIv
1h
Petco: All full-time hires entitled to complimentary therapy rat onion.com/1G8lH8c pic.twitter.com/XvmNUcXMnH
3h
In World News: Interpol Admits 89% Of Its Cases Involve Finding, Recovering The Mona Lisa onion.com/1G8lxhc pic.twitter.com/Fxk049Dh7u
4h
Consider opening a registry at your local bank onion.com/1G8lphG pic.twitter.com/kJD6EaSFFR
5h
Lethal Injection Least Effective Drugs Man Took While In Prison onion.com/1G8l6n8 pic.twitter.com/NlktvO2g1E
6h
Top Story: Lovestruck Arabian Princess Begs Father To Spare John Kerry’s Life onion.com/1G8kVrM pic.twitter.com/9aGa7eePG4
8h
This Week's Top Story | Hillary Clinton To Nation: ‘Do Not Fuck This Up For Me’ onion.com/1Jj0FBs pic.twitter.com/PDmjnYY7t1
8h
Fast Food Drive-Thru Just Cow Carcass, Bucket For Money onion.com/1Inivmx pic.twitter.com/K4IVDR23Mw
In Sports: Mom Scared For NHL Players Without Visors onion.com/1Ini7ED pic.twitter.com/ECJ1jy7Jtt
U.S. Encouraging Cuba To Shift Toward Democratic System Of Corruption onion.com/1InhY41 pic.twitter.com/KcbgMllJPU
Hillary Clinton: The Merciless, Unrelenting March To The Presidency onion.com/1InhA5C pic.twitter.com/jN7I1HWiSQ
Top Story: Oh God, Teacher Arranged Desks In Giant Circle onion.com/1Inhk6w pic.twitter.com/nH8TQVnFzk
The Onion breaks down what you should know about @marcorubio: onion.com/1IngQgW pic.twitter.com/h8k5memVQY
In Focus: Alzheimer's Disease Causing Baby Boomers To Misremember 1960s Even More onion.com/1IngtD0 pic.twitter.com/4faPsHgKDW
In World News: New Evidence Suggests Middle East Conflict Predates All Human Civilization onion.com/1Ing6sc pic.twitter.com/tqEEbUMaGI
This Week Last Year: Community Theater Gives Part Of Blanche DuBois To Kathy Fucking Hamilton onion.com/1znCRK3 pic.twitter.com/uKUfuQlOIR
In Sports: Umpire Says He Was On LSD When He Called No-Hitter onion.com/1Inf3sg pic.twitter.com/Z1ZMGeB9Lx
Lethal Injection Least Effective #Drugs Man Took While In Prison #TheOnion #news
In Focus: Archaeologist Tired Of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils onion.com/1CWNHnK pic.twitter.com/dJb16iE7a5
In Focus: Student Reporter Hits It Out Of The Park With 5 Accurate Sentences onion.com/1ESh40q pic.twitter.com/aHmRDmwq7k
Surely you can’t be serious: An oral history of Airplane! avc.lu/1JQbPhW pic.twitter.com/GIZyWUPXBa
Retweeted by The Onion
In Focus: Black Gospel Choir Makes Man Wish He Believed In All That God Bullshit onion.com/1ImJ1fW pic.twitter.com/CZKsTlzCUy