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The Onion
Wedding Planner Suggests Replacing Unsightly Groom
Courageous Man Overcomes Woman’s Body Language To Continue Hitting On Her
Report: Cavaliers Players Having Issues Gelling During Postgame Celebrations
Retweeted by The Onion
Uber Launches Quarterly Print Magazine For Drivers #WhatDoYouThink?
Frustrated Nation Calls For Updated Zip-Line Infrastructure
Teacher Who Dedicates Life To Students Total Fucking Bitch
TIP: Stretch after taking a shower for some reason
Archaeologists Uncover Greek Amphitheater Where First Prick Saved Seats
Full report at
This Turtle Sure As Shit Better Do Something Cute Because It Cost Like $40
Retweeted by The Onion
Lucrative New Oil Extraction Method Involves Drilling Directly Into Gas Stations
Ben & Jerry consider just putting the weed directly in the ice cream
Retweeted by The Onion
Yankees Rookie Nervously Tells A-Rod How Much He Used To Hate Him As A Kid
Report: Nazi Treasure Hunters Following More Realistic Retirement Plan Than 86% Of Country
Here are some things that you can do to extend your lifespan:
Hillary Clinton Hints At Presidential Ambitions By Concealing Information From American People
In Focus: Puzzled Nation Can Remember Name Ferguson, But Not Sure From Where
Finally! This Realistic Barbie Doll Comes With A Cabinet Full Of Plastic Bags
Retweeted by The Onion
Bulls Executives Sickened By Replays Of Derrick Rose Getting Drafted
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Man Who Stopped Dieting Already Seeing Results
In Focus: Netanyahu Feeling Like Trip To US To Start World War III Went Pretty Well
This Interracial Couple Is So Beautiful You Won’t Even Care One Has Coleslaw On His Shoulder
Retweeted by The Onion