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The Onion

Asshole Moves To Part Of City Where All The Assholes Live trib.al/KFhWtS6
Whale Regrets Eating 290,000 Plastic Poker Chips That Fell Off Container Ship trib.al/otXOeos
License To Negotiate: A Look Back At The Covert Operations Of Secretary Of State John Kerry trib.al/KEafNK9
Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application trib.al/jXH6A4j
Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back trib.al/Ixt4hXz
Struggling Media Company Almost Desperate Enough To Hire Someone Qualified For Job trib.al/5UET21c
Trump Honors Sacrifices Civil Rights Activists Will Have To Make Under His Presidency trib.al/JcMAABI
Biden Sadly Realizes This Could Be Last Time He Throws Lit Firecracker Into Press Conference trib.al/0BgoJN3
Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position trib.al/pCILTb6
Looking back at the most buck-fucking-wild hombre to plug away in the White House. trib.al/I7R23Q9
Simple Ways To Fight Depression
“We didn’t start the fire”: 10 songs to use as your presidential farewell track trib.al/jqP9v62
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Steelers Players Make Surprise Hospital Visits To Spend Time With Opponents They’ve Injured trib.al/oV7IvML
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For more exemplary journalism, visit theonion.com/section/politi….
Light Playing Beautifully Off Eric Trump’s Gums At Inaugural Ball trib.al/YZzUcVj
Looking back at the most buck-fucking-wild hombre to plug away in the White House. trib.al/Mr7LGGR
For more world-renowned reportage, visit theonion.com.
In today's news: Joe Biden, a departing Barack Obama, and John Kerry
Obama Commutes 330 Sentences On Last Day In Office trib.al/olnUJjq #WhatDoYouThink?
How Recycling Works
Learn How to Remain Calm Under Immense Pressure with These Tips onion.com/2j28AyV
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McDonald’s Unveils New Big Mac Sizes trib.al/Y8erDLQ #WhatDoYouThink?
Looking back at the most buck-fucking-wild hombre to plug away in the White House. trib.al/uGvRuT5
 
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