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The Onion

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet
How To Become Financially Responsible…
All week, The Onion will look back at the most iconic horror films of all time. Today: ‘The Birds.’
New Company Aims To Explore Intersection Of Technology, Other Thing
Report: Friend Has Been Going By Middle Name This Whole Fucking Time
Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet
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Bob Dylan Refusing To Accept Nobel Prize #WhatDoYouThink?
Millions Of Americans Suddenly Lose Consciousness For 8 Whole Hours
Report: Everyone Starting New Exciting Stage Of Life Except You
Supposed Adult Pays Man To Sit In Room And Listen To Him Talk About His Feelings
Putin Starts Off Morning By Sitting Down To Write The Day’s News
Receipt Brazenly Placed In Bag Without Permission
Top 5 Most Stressful Jobs
Endangered Rhino Just Wishes His Horn Didn’t Make People Immortal
The 25 scariest opening scenes in horror-movie history #AVHorrors
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Cleveland Changes Lights On Abandoned Manufacturing Plants To Red In Support Of Indians
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Cubs Fan Ready To Get Completely Drunk Again On Only 2 Days’ Rest
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Everything you need to know about today's news
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UN Names Wonder Woman As Ambassador #WhatDoYouThink
After Careful Thought, Teen Applies To College Where Family Donated Building
Reality Of Fatherhood Never Truly Dawned On Man Until He Held Newborn Son’s Hospital Bill
Report: Friend Has Been Going By Middle Name This Whole Fucking Time
Trump’s Childhood Home Up For Auction #WhatDoYouThink?
Physicists Able To Make Out Faint Strains Of ‘Mambo No. 5’ Still Emanating From 1999
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