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The Onion

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean trib.al/1hHFb70
4h
Manic Researchers Announce They Are Hours Away From Cure For Depression trib.al/BBrsyl2
4h
Gap Debuts New Line Of Children’s Sweaters To Clutch To Chest When Son Goes Missing trib.al/vLEnIQ6
5h
Gorsuch Nervous About Showering In Front Of Other Supreme Court Justices trib.al/O8AEkAm
6h
5 Things To Know About Trump's Tax Plan
7h
Christ Appears In Roman Court To Contest 2,000-Year-Old Riot Charges trib.al/sAuFO8u
8h
Locks Of Love Completes Construction Of Massive Hair Silo Capable Of Holding 150,000 Pounds Of Hair trib.al/NOUwbHL
9h
Metallica Board Of Directors Debates Whether New Riff Will Have Negative Impact On Shareholder Value trib.al/ni3DJll
University Of Nevada Renames Vito Corleone School Of Business Following Latest Accusations Against Benefactor trib.al/4cdY0bF
Closed Shop In Gentrifying Neighborhood To Emerge From Chrysalis As Beautiful Gastropub trib.al/wHufyS0
Report: Maid Of Honor Not Even That Good Of Friends With Bride trib.al/c8R6ilj
Trump Promises Government Will Continue To Fund All Essential Mar-A-Lago Staff During Shutdown trib.al/hUplKUf
"Sometimes I feel like I’m in prison, too. But then my shift ends, and I go back to my own house." trib.al/XPTjN7c
Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish trib.al/vRbdFDW
God Pissed After Learning Cost To Replace Earth’s Core trib.al/YJzyKrW
Look back through The Onion's comprehensive coverage of the worst 100 days of Donald Trump's life trib.al/PBX9Kvk
Editorial Cartoon: "The First Hungered Days" trib.al/fsKjfC2
Thumbtack On Carpet Still At Large trib.al/gjAYuWG
Assisted Living Center Widower Has Eye On Cute, Hunched-Forward Little Number trib.al/Bb0H58p
The Onion Looks Back At The First 100 Days And 10 Plagues Of The Trump Administration trib.al/jblT784
5 Things To Watch For At The NRA Convention
U.S. Postal Service Appoints First Leather-Clad Postmistress General trib.al/emLjuVN
Weird Man Begins Every Morning By Dousing His Naked Body In Water trib.al/rzTOCxA
Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately trib.al/I3vT22W
 
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