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The Onion
Early registration times allow scholar-athletes to enroll in the most in-demand fluff courses
Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise
Report: Advertisers Threatening To Pull Money Now The Only Remaining Way To Effect Any Change
Full report at
[American Voices] Report: UNC Inflated Grades, Created Fake Classes For Over 3,100 Students #WhatDoYouThink?
Post-epidemic tribes will refer to this site as “the darkness lands” | Track Ebola in the U.S.
Child molestation leads to TLC finally being offended by Honey Boo Boo
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In Focus: Brave Woman Enters Restaurant Without First Looking It Up Online
Are you strong enough to resist the overpowering urge to buy our sponsor’s products after reading this content? #SPON
[American Voices] Tinder Offering Premium Paid Service To Help Users Find Better Matches #WhatDoYouThink?
At Ohio State, athletes receive complimentary transportation to and from crime scenes
Researchers also recommend slowly tightening one’s grip around their boss’s throat
This content is brought to you by the wanton greed inherent in human nature #SPON
Report: Advertisers Threatening To Pull Money Now The Only Remaining Way To Effect Any Change
Scientists Announce Today Best Time To Look Directly At Sun
Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats
On Owner's Box, fantasy guru @PerryBigwell has a special Thursday Night Football preview
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New National Park Caters To Business Travelers
Amazing Colorized Versions Of Black-And-White Photos Make History Come Alive
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This Week Last Year | Who Said It: Kanye West Or A Manual For The Cuisinart CRC-400 Electric Rice Cooker?
Football Hall Of Fame Acquires Peyton Manning's Record-Breaking Touchdown-Throwing Arm
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New Hobby To Tide Retired Man Over Until Death
STATSHOT | What Are Strangers Putting In Our Halloween Candy?
In Focus: Scientists Finally Pronounce Human Genome ‘It’s Gatcaatgaggtggacaccagaggc…’
From The Archives: Man Always Three Ingredients Away From Making Pancakes
Cake Left Out In Break Room With No Instructions
I would compete in the Schick Xtreme Comfort Games but I think I’m already competing by laying down on my couch?
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7 Female CEOs Who Inspire Us All To Be Cogs In The Capitalist Machine
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Here are some tips for finding the right doctor:
What’s worse than rats? Singing rats. I don’t care if they are a Soprano.
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[American Voices] Toys ‘R’ Us Pulls ‘Breaking Bad’ Action Figures From Shelves #WhatDoYouThink?
Goodfellas actor sues The Simpsons for allegedly stealing his likeness
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Pueblo Indians Can’t Keep Pace With Area Mom’s Appetite For Earthenware
Area Man Released After Being Wrongfully Employed For 9 Years
Curt Schilling’s Family Urges Him To Finally See Doctor About Bleeding Ankle
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New Census Study Finds That 40% Of U.S. Population Is Filler
If you never click this link to our sponsor’s content, you’ll never know if it’s shameful, embarrassing or both #SPON
Second-Grader Likes To Save Purple Pills For Last
Full report at
Reports indicate that the cake definitely isn’t big enough for the entire office
Midterm Candidates Distancing Selves From United States
In Focus: Johnny Depp Now Completely Made Of Scarves And Bracelets
Man’s Whole Job Undoing Handiwork Of Self-Checkout Machine
[American Voices] Facebook To Test Jet-Sized Wi-Fi Drones By 2015 #WhatDoYouThink?
First, ask yourself what your goals are when you see a doctor. Do you want to live, or die?