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The Onion
Everyone On Defense Team An Equally Matched Romantic Interest For Member Of Prosecution onion.com/1G0lXnR pic.twitter.com/4s5dB5mhJs
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Top Story: Michelle Obama Renovates Van Buren Workout Room onion.com/1G0lyBX pic.twitter.com/zisECSkCYm
In Sports: Fewer NBA Players Choosing To Learn Unborn Child’s Position onion.com/1G0lnGF pic.twitter.com/d9MeIqcOBO
This Week Last Year: How The College Admissions Process Works onion.com/1G0lcLv pic.twitter.com/65BEAwLhyP
In Local News: Siblings Playing Tense Game Of Chicken To Decide Who Going To Care For Mom onion.com/1G0kVZ1 pic.twitter.com/KGqaPaOB1v
Report: Employees Most Innovative When Brainstorming Dramatic Quitting Scenarios onion.com/1G0h5iD pic.twitter.com/pxcdATkRo5
The Pros And Cons Of Paying College Athletes onion.com/1G0b4T8 pic.twitter.com/Xv13wkfA7a
Biden Worries Legalized Weed In D.C. Will Cut Into His Business onion.com/1G0aEfp pic.twitter.com/nKx8guf2Pa
Ted Cruz Boldly Declares Nation Not Deserving Of Better Candidate onion.com/1G0dK3d pic.twitter.com/j7yy4FVDQZ
Study Finds Growing Number Of Americans Would Be Comfortable With Female Pep Boy onion.com/1FZRzdo pic.twitter.com/QFrCmQb5Sp
This Week Last Year: 10 Mistakes New Parents Always Make onion.com/1xkv9lr pic.twitter.com/z8PnqlItcm
Siblings Quietly Relieved Oldest Brother Setting Bar So Low onion.com/1BzpxjY pic.twitter.com/sOicwjmV9A
Speaks: Spanish, English, Tongues Campaign Slogan: “I’m Ted Cruz” onion.com/1GdcE4o pic.twitter.com/JGR40UNdmI
College Newspaper Staff Know Exactly How They Would Respond If Editorial Freedom Challenged onion.com/19YQSp1 pic.twitter.com/gfhWmmlHXy
Weekend Magazine: 10 Animals You Could Go Out And Kill Right Now onion.com/1GxcODO pic.twitter.com/AqaetpK5YN
Top Story: Nude, Ash-Streaked Dick Vitale Proclaims This What March Madness All About onion.com/1yimvzh pic.twitter.com/FRM9250lck
"Dishing up the rock! Cleaning the glass! Blood! Blood! Blood! It’s March Madness, baby!” onion.com/1H0KIz3 pic.twitter.com/6yWNqKt4On
Retweeted by The Onion
New Free-Range Slaughterhouse Allows Livestock To Roam Freely On Killing Floor onion.com/191Bk2F pic.twitter.com/efobkrqIlJ