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The Onion
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Top Video: Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn't Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough onion.com/1tPWZjn
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 21, 2014 onion.com/1tPWTbx
Top Story | Israel: Palestinians Given Ample Time To Evacuate To Nearby Bombing Sites onion.com/1tPWHZM
In Local News: Man In Elevator In On Conversation Now onion.com/1tPWxBI
Week In Review: Israel Unveils New Defense System To Deflect Accusations Of Human Rights Violations onion.com/1tPWkhZ
This Week Last Year: Deepak Chopra's EPIC Twitter Meltdown onion.com/1tPVUbf
In Entertainment News: Marvel Reimagines Green Goblin As Left-Handed onion.com/1tPVzFE
This Week's Top Slideshow | Long May He Reign: A Look Back At The Royal Baby's First Year onion.com/WXEuig pic.twitter.com/iB41cNXS3S
Study Finds High School Students Retain Only One-Third Of Obsolete Curriculum Over Summer onion.com/WUXZYS
Top Story: Frustrated Employee No Longer Even Trying To Hide GRE Study Books onion.com/WUXA8G
In Local News: Man’s Anxiety Not About To Let Depression Muscle In On Turf onion.com/WUXj5w
Michael Bay Gives Fans Sneak Peek At Ninja Turtles’ Hyper-Realistic CGI Genitals onion.com/WUVANG
In World News: AP Reporter In Gaza Needs Another Term For ‘Blood-Soaked’ onion.com/WUUfq2
This Week's Top Story: New Anti-Abortion Legislation Requires Doctors To Scale 18-Foot Wall Surrounding Clinic onion.com/1ploX2n
In Local News: Area Man Knows Exactly Which Relatives Would Be Problem If He Ever Came Into Money onion.com/1plozRy
Scientists: Rich People, Poor People May Have Shared Ancient Ancestor onion.com/1pllmBm
Report: Most Americans Have Enough Saved For Retirement To Live Comfortably On Streets onion.com/1pll9y5
[American Voices] Tylenol No Better Than Sugar Pills For Helping Back Pain onion.com/1pljPLQ #WhatDoYouThink?
Israel Unveils New Defense System To Deflect Accusations Of Human Rights Violations onion.com/WHr8Xw pic.twitter.com/R6KlH0Y0BG
Scientists: Rich People, Poor People May Have Shared Common Ancestor onion.com/WHq7P7 pic.twitter.com/QaIOijFVKx
"I think 50 CC’s seems about right." – Michael Callahan, Oklahoma Department of Corrections executioner onion.com/WHpWDE
Executioner Enters Lethal Injection Room With Bag From Home Depot onion.com/WHoVv6 pic.twitter.com/g7TXF4E8hn
EXCLUSIVE: Dozens Of Leaked Photos Of Ben Affleck Dressed As Bruce Wayne clickhole.com/r/624tsd pic.twitter.com/qwzROVCvWn
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