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The Onion

satire comedy news humour 4,932,984 followers
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The Onion @TheOnion
9 Jennifer Lawrence Photos That'll Make You Reassess The Scope Of The 1986 Vienna Convention On The Law Of Treaties onion.com/1303fHy
  56m
Hammond Morris @OnionAdCzar
Marketing challenge: Make people want to see a movie with Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg and Tara Reid onion.com/11945EF #ComedyWeek
Retweeted by The Onion
  1h
The Onion @TheOnion
“The key to beating anxiety is to let yourself become totally consumed with intrusive, irrational thoughts." onion.com/10nytKk
  1h
The Onion @TheOnion
Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard onion.com/10nx7iH
  1h
The Onion @TheOnion
Gummi Bear Emerges From Digestive Tract Unharmed onion.com/14D1S3k
  1h
The Onion @TheOnion
Creators of video with 100 views "looking for Louis C.K.-type deal" | Watch the video now: onion.com/14CVZDp
  2h
The Onion @TheOnion
YouTube Video Series Gets Over 100 Views, Goes 'Totally Viral' onion.com/14CTG31
  2h
The Onion @TheOnion
"I really wish they’d bring back the old macrolide blend with the dirithromycin. That’s the taste I grew up with." onion.com/14CPnF9
  2h
The Onion @TheOnion
Man Eating McChicken Sandwich Can Tell McDonald's Switched Up Antibiotics onion.com/121x6UI
  3h
Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Dwight Howard Interested In Ruining Rockets onion.com/10VNuzv
Retweeted by The Onion
  3h
The Onion @TheOnion
The Least Effective Cat Calls: onion.com/10VLaIQ
  3h
The Onion @TheOnion
Those Inspired To Pursue Medicine Because Of ‘Grey's Anatomy’ Now Entering Workforce | More Healthcare News: onion.com/11mOAbR
  4h
The Onion @TheOnion
"They’ve taken things to a new level with these chainsaws. LeBron has lost a leg, his arms, and most of his face." onion.com/10TvCZa
  5h
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] “I usually try not to eat anything that’s more than five years old.” onion.com/10Tv1qx
  5h
The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus: Check Clears In Spite Of Overwhelming Odds onion.com/13JIwtT
  5h
The Onion @TheOnion
Kate Middleton Suffering From Morning Sickness onion.com/Zepbl2
  15h
The Onion @TheOnion
Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy onion.com/13IZvZU #NSFW
  15h
The Onion @TheOnion
REWIND! 10 Sharp Knives That Scarred You For Life onion.com/13IUHno
  16h
The Onion @TheOnion
Woman Who Cracked 3 Separate iPhone Screens Expecting Baby Boy This August onion.com/14yafNK
  16h
The Onion @TheOnion
In Sports: Calvin Johnson Says He Played 2012 Season With Broken Heart onion.com/11Ypq5o
  17h
The Onion @TheOnion
Local Mosque Only Rated 1.5 Stars On Yelp onion.com/11YjeKI
  17h
The Onion @TheOnion
Miami Heat Unprepared For Chainsaw-Wielding Pacers onion.com/12X9tIn
  18h
The Onion @TheOnion
Dr. Good's resident plastic surgeon turns some unemployed ugly ducklings into employable mega-sexy swans youtu.be/IWpnzprnmeI
  20h
The Onion @TheOnion
Onion Radio News: Bananas Sweep Primates' Choice Awards Again onion.com/12X6sb0
  20h
The Onion Store @OnionStore
You like sports and you like The Onion. Show where your loyalties lie with this sweet Onion Sports Network T-shirt bit.ly/11bHCky
Retweeted by The Onion
  21h
Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Frank Vogel Seen Googling 'NBA Pacers Good?' | More NBA News: onion.com/YbcKko
Retweeted by The Onion
  21h
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] "My right to salacious entertainment should trump any concerns about national security." onion.com/ZeiGyP
  21h
The AV Club @TheAVClub
Ke$ha drank her own pee on TV, and The Parents Television Council is not cool with it avc.lu/11Z23IU
Retweeted by The Onion
  22h
The Onion @TheOnion
The Onion's ongoing coverage of Kate Middleton's pregnancy: onion.com/12WPr0C
  22h
The Onion @TheOnion
Kate Middleton Suffering From Morning Sickness onion.com/ZedMlq
  22h
Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Brian Urlacher Retires With Plenty Of Injuries Left In The Tank onion.com/13JaEd8
Retweeted by The Onion
  23h
The Onion @TheOnion
#XboxOneFeatures: Gumball dispenser onion.com/13J6BOb
  23h
The Onion @TheOnion
#XboxOneFeatures: Kinect motion sensor capable of responding to what you consider movement onion.com/13J6BOb
  23h
The Onion @TheOnion
#XboxOneFeatures: Xbox Hat—Say the words “Xbox Hat” out loud and a large image of a hat will appear on your TV screen onion.com/13J6BOb
  23h
The Onion @TheOnion
Here are some of the #XboxOne's features: onion.com/13J5E8l
  23h
The Onion @TheOnion
Sources: @AP reporters engaging in anal sex, NPR's @arishapiro fisting FOX's @edhenryTV at Obama press conference onion.com/13J0tVZ
  23h
The Onion @TheOnion
Obama: 'Give in to the basest of our primal urges and drink thirstily from the cup of lust.' onion.com/13J0tVZ
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy onion.com/13IZvZU #NSFW
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
REWIND! 10 Sharp Knives That Scarred You For Life onion.com/13IUHno
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
"We can’t wait to start a family." – Woman who regularly forgets to cap bottles of detergent onion.com/10ljlNn
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
Woman Who Cracked 3 Separate iPhone Screens Expecting Baby Boy This August onion.com/14yafNK
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
[NEW: Dr. Good] Dr. Tanas makes six disgusting slobs employable through the power of plastic surgery youtu.be/IWpnzprnmeI
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
"She’s six feet under and you’ve got your best years ahead of you, bud. Don’t worry about it." onion.com/11Yw6Re
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
Life’s Too Short To Get Hung Up On The Mysterious Circumstances Surrounding Your Wife’s Death | Commentary: onion.com/11YuXJo
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
“A certain someone banged up my heart pretty bad, but I wasn’t about to let that stop me.” onion.com/11Ypq5o
  22 May
Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Calvin Johnson Says He Played 2012 Season With Broken Heart onion.com/11Ypq5o
Retweeted by The Onion
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
"Frankly, this place is a dump. It’s almost impossible to concentrate on anything pure or holy." onion.com/11YjeKI
  22 May
The AV Club @TheAVClub
13 Arrested Development quotes to summarize reactions to the new episodes avc.lu/13Iocpa
Retweeted by The Onion
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
Local Mosque Only Rated 1.5 Stars On Yelp onion.com/11YjeKI
  22 May
The Onion @TheOnion
April Hackins’ dating profile name “REOSpeedwagonFan” is attracting the right kind of people | More News Highlights: onion.com/Wm37n2
  22 May

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