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The Onion

Report: Laura’s Divorce Threatens Razor-Thin Democratic Majority In Family onion.com/20U7p2j
Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process onion.com/20U3Ede
Schlubs From U.S., China Meet In Lowest-Level Talks onion.com/20U4u9L
Grandma Happy To Babysit While Couple Desperately Attempts To Rekindle Relationship onion.com/20U3ym1
Mom Holds Knife To Throat Of Dinner Guest Who Offered To Help With Dishes onion.com/20U3pPx
Butterfly Fuck-Swing Filled With Junk Mail onion.com/1QLFL1r
Q: Do I have Zika? A: Yes. onion.com/20U1Cdf
Bryan Fuller crowned showrunner of CBS' new Star Trek series avc.lu/1mqttlM
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Broncos Follow Super Bowl Parade Route Through Treacherous Rocky Mountain Pass onion.com/20JjUkw
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Visit theonion.com for the latest from the most influential media empire human civilization has ever seen
Via @ClickHole: Tommy Lee Jones said WHAT?! #TheySaidWHAT #ClickHole #TommyLeeJones #Wow
Search For Wallet Self-Narrated onion.com/1T4P5Rp
Orangutans Might Play Games With Zoo Guests onion.com/1KDBP4T #WhatDoYouThink?
Beyoncé Gives Red Lobster 33 Percent Increase In Freshly Fucked Customers starwipe.com/r/1983tsd
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Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around onion.com/1PjbVSP
FDA Recommends Adding Little Tabasco To That Bad Boy #TheOnion
Driving Vs. Public Transportation: A side-by-side comparison onion.com/1Pj9z6k
Campaign Setback: Jeb Bush’s Bus Broke Down On A Train Track And A Train Is Approaching Fast clickhole.com/r/3866tsd
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FDA Recommends Adding Little Tabasco To That Bad Boy onion.com/1nVFrVy
Demoralized Jeb Bush Succumbs To New Hampshire Heroin Epidemic onion.com/1V0RXhj
Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 9, 2016 onion.com/1TaBr0m
Demoralized Jeb Bush Succumbs To New Hampshire Heroin Epidemic #TheOnion #Election2016
BMI Not An Accurate Measure Of Health onion.com/1TazzVk #WhatDoYouThink?
Gap Between Rich And Poor Named 8th Wonder Of The World onion.com/1PzlZoT

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