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Josh Carter
And you thought your arrest experiences were bad... just met @GoshCarter at UCB east. #officerkelly
Retweeted by Josh Carter
I realized I'm good person because I'm pretty sure I felt wise about Dale Earnhardts death than his fans felt about Ol Dirty Bastard's
49% of black men get arrested by age 23, 10% of them get befriended by their arresting officer #BlackLivesMatter
I envy heroin addicts, they do what they love all day and die young and happy
Policeman befriends a man he unfairly arrested the week before, you wouldn't believe what happens next! #Buzzfeed
MTV's Amanda Seales drops in and kills it and another packed #zebracakefriday
You really know you're not going to pay a lot when a business advertises their services as "afordable"
Eating chocolate releases the same endorphins as sex in women, renting apartments releases them in men #sheletmedeposit #nooklynrentalarmy
10:30 is the time you realize it's not too early anymore and you've wasted that horrendous 8am wake up
Planet fitness at 2am is like experiencing the good part of the zombie apocalypse. Whole gym to myself!
I can't even walk into my own show because it's so packed #1stWorldProblems
Smart people realize it's better to live in Brooklyn because the view of Manhattan is way better from roofs there
FREE SHOW, 7/17, 8:30, @BeautyBarNYC: @GoshCarter hosts @iamryanbeck, Rich James, Celeste Joseph Jennings, @ItsEvanWilliams & @marknorm!
Retweeted by Josh Carter
New York City, if you can get bored here, you can get bored anywhere!
What is ranch dressing?
Hey @asvpxrocky & @ActionBronson thx for the shout out on “1Train." Not sure what it means, but let’s blaze one & talk about it some time.
Retweeted by Josh Carter
Look closely into his eyes, Jared looks like he's watching child porn thru his google glasses while interviewing!
The Joyful @GoshCarter at the 2- Year Anniversary of Comic Sans! @ Over the Eight
Retweeted by Josh Carter
My gps just had me turn right on "north sea mecox road" no joke
The most hated & discriminated group in the trans community are married men who identify as single #transracial #wrongskin #bornthisway
20 years from now when you have a baby in the hospital, the politically correct thing for the doctor to say will be "its a boy"
I wonder if @CVS_Extra realizes that photos have been out of order at their myrtle wyckoff location for a year and a half
Based on twitter's reaction #RachelDolezal is a hell of a lot more brave than #CaitlynJenner. Jokes are fun, but to get angry/offended???
Guess how many keys are in here and win $1000. Come by to the @nooklyn tent at bushwick block party…
Another packed out #zebracakefriday if you weren't here, you're missing out!
The best time to go to the dmv is when you're already heartbroken
Transphobia is the reason why I've never been butt naked near a running fan

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