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Josh Carter
For those of you just getting into the #nfl, don't become a jets fan unless you need more things in your life to be sad about #fb
Whoever said "it never hurts to ask" obviously never asked his girlfriend what she thinks about threesomes when she's PMSing
Awesome night at #NorthernDiscomfort. Packed on a Tuesday and a surprise drop in by @JimGaffigan.…
I never understood adults who are terrified of clowns (just a person wearing excessive makeup) but still watch "Basketball Wives"
Now the jets wouldve won yesterday if the refs were to get beaten with switches everytime they make a bad call
I hope the ESPN reporter who got fired for calling RG3 a "cornball brotha" gets his job back
So anyone can yell timeout & lose a team the game. What's all this woman & child beating worth if the refs can't even call a game? #nyjets
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take
New GHOL Ray Rice, Incognito, Bottlegate & other uplifting NFL stories! w/ @BenKissel @Whats_Next_Ed & @GoshCarter…
Retweeted by Josh Carter
I wish I knew about these growing up with a single mother
How many ISIS jokes do I have to make to get on Obama's "Comics To Watch" list? #fb
ISIS sounds like your college's new class registration system that frequently crashes and drops you from your classes #fb
This Labor Day I learned that my taste in daytime television is similar to people in the market for a catheter
Another packed out zebra cake! W/ adammamawala @mamawalacomedy @joshhomer
My friend from Brooklyn, NYC @GoshCarter is headlining The Underground Comedy Club tonight. 9pm. @GracingTheStage @puffmama420
Retweeted by Josh Carter
Headlining tonight in Toronto, would love for yall to come out. At the @puffmama420 festival tonight at 9pm! Hit me up for free tickets!
This is why you don't see many chicks hitching rides
BAD IDEA FOR CLASS PROJECT! "Up to 4,000 marijuana plants found in Laguna Wilderness Park near private high school"…
THe hot water in my shower runs out so quick that I start flushing the toilet like it's the snooze button
The Expendables is like the Super Smash Bros of action stars in a mid life crisis
Gwen Stefani + Ke$ha = Iggy Azalea
Pretty sure this guy is at the wrong stadium #jetsvscolts
The difference btwn mine and my 2 female roommates toilet paper usage rate is similar to the difference btwn mine & Snoops weed smoking rate
Has anyone ever caught a cop giving them a parking ticket before it was too late?
Attention, young backpack travelers, if you have no money. Do not come to nyc, unless you plan on staying a long long time
When you see pretty white homeless people, you know times are getting tough
I'm the Wolverine of street parking. I just wake up the next day not remembering my past
Are there non obese people who order pasta from pizza hut?