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Josh Carter
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Dear @McDonalds, who would order only 3 mozzarella sticks?
My birthday wish to the Football Gods is 2 tds from @BEYOND_GREATNES and a giants victory. This would save me big time in 2 fantasy leagues
This Halloween I'm going as "Someone who doesn't read the fine print on eBay" Just got my Xbox One costume in the mail today #fb
SUCH a fun show! Thanks for having me @TheStandNYC @GoshCarter @raydevito - exciting to be surprised by some of my Maine peeps in the crowd!
Retweeted by Josh Carter
Got a very Special guest likely dropping in at #northerndiscomfort at 8pm at @TheStandNYC, you won't want to miss it #fb
Another packed out zebracake show tonight at Beauty Bar instagram.com/p/ujtQfPmeut/
Our sketch, "Not Trying to Fuck This Pumpkin," is live. You'll never think of pumpkins the same way again. youtube.com/user/TempleHor…
Retweeted by Josh Carter
In 9 years of college and NFL, Harvin has helped win three championships and now is with his fourth team.
Retweeted by Josh Carter
I call bullshit, there's no way rite aid is taking that kinda paycut on razorblades @ rite aid, 81 1st… instagram.com/p/uL8Vy2met2/
They should show the episode of 7th Heaven where the dad gets shot to make people feel better
For those of you just getting into the #nfl, don't become a jets fan unless you need more things in your life to be sad about #fb
Whoever said "it never hurts to ask" obviously never asked his girlfriend what she thinks about threesomes when she's PMSing
Awesome night at #NorthernDiscomfort. Packed on a Tuesday and a surprise drop in by @JimGaffigan.… instagram.com/p/tTyB6bGeme/
I never understood adults who are terrified of clowns (just a person wearing excessive makeup) but still watch "Basketball Wives"
Now the jets wouldve won yesterday if the refs were to get beaten with switches everytime they make a bad call
I hope the ESPN reporter who got fired for calling RG3 a "cornball brotha" gets his job back
So anyone can yell timeout & lose a team the game. What's all this woman & child beating worth if the refs can't even call a game? #nyjets
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take
New GHOL Ray Rice, Incognito, Bottlegate & other uplifting NFL stories! w/ @BenKissel @Whats_Next_Ed & @GoshCarter directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/…
Retweeted by Josh Carter
I wish I knew about these growing up with a single mother instagram.com/p/spgxnsmemW/
How many ISIS jokes do I have to make to get on Obama's "Comics To Watch" list? #fb
ISIS sounds like your college's new class registration system that frequently crashes and drops you from your classes #fb
This Labor Day I learned that my taste in daytime television is similar to people in the market for a catheter
Another packed out zebra cake! W/ adammamawala @mamawalacomedy @joshhomer instagram.com/p/sTc0SBGenp/
My friend from Brooklyn, NYC @GoshCarter is headlining The Underground Comedy Club tonight. 9pm. @GracingTheStage @puffmama420
Retweeted by Josh Carter
Headlining tonight in Toronto, would love for yall to come out. At the @puffmama420 festival tonight at 9pm! Hit me up for free tickets!
This is why you don't see many chicks hitching rides instagram.com/p/sASm3HGeqV/
BAD IDEA FOR CLASS PROJECT! "Up to 4,000 marijuana plants found in Laguna Wilderness Park near private high school" ocregister.com/articles/plant…
THe hot water in my shower runs out so quick that I start flushing the toilet like it's the snooze button