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Josh Carter
I wash my car maybe 4 times a year, birds like to wait until the day right after to shit all over it #CanBeMetaphor
Why is it that you can eat a whole large #pizzahut pizza on the night its delivered but can only eat a few slices when leftover? #fb
Retweeted by Josh Carter
#NorthernDiscomfort s favorite drop in Jim Gaffigan is ALSO IN THE BUILDING
Kevin Nealon dropped into #NorthernDiscomfort tonight! Should've been here!
My condolences go out to anyone forced to live on Staten Island.
Retweeted by Josh Carter
I liked it better when it was embarrassing to be white based on the way we danced.
Retweeted by Josh Carter NO FEE 5br loft duplex on the Williamsburg/Greenpoint border! $6,900, 1 Mo. FREE! #RT
Retweeted by Josh Carter
If you paid $10 for a Coors Light in freezing cold MetLife stadium tonight, you might like shitty light beers a little too much
Really not a fan of tweets that end in the phrase "Said no one ever"
My parents would've thanked him for saving them $12.99 "Parents outraged after principal shaves son's head…"
The term #BlackFriday was actually first used to distinguish the Ice Cube movies from the Jason movies
Lawyers who represent black people are like the New York Jets of the American courthouse #fb
I don't eat free range chickens or any animal who got more living space than me #BrooklynApts
Dear @McDonalds, who would order only 3 mozzarella sticks?
My birthday wish to the Football Gods is 2 tds from @BEYOND_GREATNES and a giants victory. This would save me big time in 2 fantasy leagues
This Halloween I'm going as "Someone who doesn't read the fine print on eBay" Just got my Xbox One costume in the mail today #fb
SUCH a fun show! Thanks for having me @TheStandNYC @GoshCarter @raydevito - exciting to be surprised by some of my Maine peeps in the crowd!
Retweeted by Josh Carter
Got a very Special guest likely dropping in at #northerndiscomfort at 8pm at @TheStandNYC, you won't want to miss it #fb
Another packed out zebracake show tonight at Beauty Bar
Our sketch, "Not Trying to Fuck This Pumpkin," is live. You'll never think of pumpkins the same way again.…
Retweeted by Josh Carter
In 9 years of college and NFL, Harvin has helped win three championships and now is with his fourth team.
Retweeted by Josh Carter
I call bullshit, there's no way rite aid is taking that kinda paycut on razorblades @ rite aid, 81 1st…
They should show the episode of 7th Heaven where the dad gets shot to make people feel better
For those of you just getting into the #nfl, don't become a jets fan unless you need more things in your life to be sad about #fb
Whoever said "it never hurts to ask" obviously never asked his girlfriend what she thinks about threesomes when she's PMSing
Awesome night at #NorthernDiscomfort. Packed on a Tuesday and a surprise drop in by @JimGaffigan.…
I never understood adults who are terrified of clowns (just a person wearing excessive makeup) but still watch "Basketball Wives"