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Josh Carter

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Charles Ramsey should become the Jared of @McDonalds.
Charles Ramsey made it cool to eat @McDonalds again
Is there a place online where I can check how tall I was in the 5th grade? I'm curious to find out how old I was when I hit 5 feet
All nighters ain't nothin' if you're motivated
Dude just tried to charge me $2 for a 3 Musketeers bar, maybe it was just God's way of preventing me from eating candy at 4am
I don't see what the big deal is, I've always lived my life as if the #NSA was watching #fb
I wonder if Bill Belichick has a genius plan for a 2 QB system that'll take the @nfl by storm. Belichick is one of the best in football
I bet the Pats are about to use @TimTebow in a way that will make the Jets feel worse than when they let Woodhead go to them #JustForKicks
If there was a @Cosmopolitan for men, I'd submit this article to it: joshcarterisfunny.com/5-chicks-you-m… #fb
Something about @andersoncooper being denied cronuts makes me feel that I'm in very elite company as someone whose had one #NationalDonutDay
Be on the lookout soon for my EP mixtape: Awkward Kid, S.A.A.D City #fb
Ever get rejected by a girl you like but then look at her dating history and wonder "hmm, maybe I was over qualified for this position"
I received a nice gift from God yesterday. The perfect windbreaker jacket for the summer was divinely given to me by route of Korean Laundry
I'm intrigued to see The #Purge, wouldn't it be super awkward for a year if neighbors unsuccessfully tried to kill each other that night?
I hate to admit it but this @ASAPOFFICIAL album is pretty dope. I can no longer generally hate on brand new hip hop artists #NewFan
Who out there considers a Benz more than a car? #KendrickLamar
A #cronut tastes like achievement and innovation rolled into one
Picking up a #cronut reminds me of the first time a woman let me touch her boob #fb
I'm very disappointed that in 2013 we still don't have hovercrafts, time travel or @DippinDots as our primary form of ice cream
Damn that looks luscious! I'm waking up and getting in line at 6am tomorrow for some vine.co/v/b077ebYXTUp
Fun times tonight at @standupny! Always a hot crowd!
Writing LOL is like calling someone the "C word", you should only drop it when you really mean it
The toilet delivery of the chinese baby found in the sewer would make for a great season finale of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" #fb
Ever notice that you're just as starving at 11am whether or not you ate cereal in the morning? #WhatsThePoint
Ya see what happens when they cancel Intervention?
Retweeted by Josh Carter
Y'all are not in the friend zone if you feel the need to remind him that everytime you talk
Lingering self recorded high school rap albums are worse than lingering sex tapes #fb
That awkward moment when you realize the rap album you recorded while at boarding school is still on the internet
If you're out with a younger girl who decides to order 151, you're forced to step up from beer or you'll be known as a creep in that bar
If Ice Cube is from LA, why does he have a light Texas accent
It's kinda funny how all the sudden, I'd pick the Rams over any non Denver AFC team. and yes, I've accounted for Indy and Houston
If only Amanda Bynes had seen the classic film "Grandma's Boy" she'd know the saying "dude, you never throw a bong"
I'm conflicted: write a blog article on why Dre was right to donate to USC and the prez of Dillards is an idiot or write something funny
@GoshCarter as a fan of stand up and fantasy football... I do enjoy your blend of tweets. Well done.
Retweeted by Josh Carter
My way too early favorite rookie fantasy prospects per position nflspinzone.com/2013/05/24/whi… via @fansided @NFLSpinZone #fb
Charles Ramsey gets free McDonalds for life?! I wonder if he wishes he had mentioned he was eating @redlobster or @Mortons that day instead
Ever notice that saying or thinking that you have writer's block makes it about 100 times worse? #fb
Fun times chillin with @LadyNam_ last night. This is one of my favorite examples of @Papooseonline 's greatness youtube.com/watch?v=SApmSr…
Awesome Headline: ADHD Apparently Not Distracting Children From Large Amounts Of Food thegi.st/10QwoTD via @thegist
I remember every day of high school like it was yesterday, but have no recollection of where I parked my car last Friday
Pop Rocks: A Memoir By Jodi Arias #BooksIdRead #fb
The final of my 3 part series on the 5 Reasons Why The @nyjets Can Take the AFC East nflspinzone.com/2013/05/17/5-r… via @fansided @NFLSpinZone #fb