Next generation iPad will be so thin that when u turn it sideways it'll be invisible. Only proof of its existence will be credit-card bill.
Couldn't find my car keys. Started thinking that one of you hid them on me.
Where can I trade in my iPad for a life?
Okay, I think it's safe to say that I can cross 'Procrastinate' off of today's To-Do List.
I file everything under miscellaneous. Speeds up the process.
I find it interesting that I am 39,714 tweets closer to my final tweet.
Someone said to me, "Keep your day job!" I'm like, "This is my day job."
It's just like "52 Pick Up."
I read that Alcoholics Anonymous has 2 million members. That's a sobering thought!
Heard someone say: "It's a Catch-52." Maybe that's a Poker term I've never heard of?
CNN Headline: "Cover-up alleged at State Department" -- I bet someone at NSA knew all about it.
Joe Walsh - "Life's Been Good": youtu.be/-XyTpENuoCI
You were sarcastic, cynical, snarky and obnoxious. What's not to like?
"LIFE is Like a Cup of Coffee": irove.com/video065.html
"Live is Like a Cup of Coffee": irove.com/video065.html
A retweet is as good as a smile :)
Anything worth doing, is worth doing right... after a coffee break.
A coffeemaker that also mows the lawn. Do I have to think of everything?
OMG! I know what I'm having for lunch! Check this out: irove.com/video062.html
It's not what you know, it's who can Wikipedia it the fastest.
“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” ― Edmund Burke
I hallucinate accomplishments.
Anyone old enough to remember when 'blog' wasn't even a word?
Have you ever felt like you were being unfollowed?
Peter Gabriel - "I Think It's Going to Rain Today": youtu.be/hYwYas3wMFs
HELLO!!! Can anyone see my tweets???
I have prescription drugs in my medicine cabinet older than most of the songs mentioned in the #SongsThatNeverGetOld
A coffeemaker that also manages investments. Do I have to think of everything?
When u hear the garbage truck coming and know u forgot to put the garbage out. Am I right?
Sometimes I'll look at a photo of a famous person on Twitter and say to myself, "I have no idea who this person is."
the coffee is already made.
My aunt is considering upgrading to a 56k modem.
I liked Facebook better before it existed.
If they had Twitter when I was a kid, I'd probably be homeless today.
And the Tony for worst QB goes to....
Staying up late tonight to memorize all of my followers' birthdays.
If all of my followers gave me a penny, I'd be Rich.
If u think I'm talking about you, you're just paranoid... and absolutely correct.
Typos are the devil's wok.
Eventually we'll all have one thing in common.
Considering a run for Mayor of Newark.
Fleetwood Mac - "Sara": youtu.be/hesy7GBjr1Y
Avatar was a titanic success.
Sometimes I'll tweet that my kid said something, but in reality my neighbor's dog said it.