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comedy 141,173 followers
For Halloween this year I intend to masquerade as a man with a reason. My charade will be the event of the season.
Any relation to Ann Poulter?
Typos drive my nuts!
I just read this news story about Ted Bishop and Ian Coulter ... so now I've heard of Ted Bishop and Ian Coulter.
I bet you don't know what I'm thinking.
My cousin has been dieting for 25 days. She says that she has already lost 25 days.
Team Tavares Keeps the 'Fun' in Fundraising by Holding Yardsale Oct. 24-25 in River Edge 4 Mother with Stage 3 Cancer…
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Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck walk into a bar. They see Goofy and ask him, "Where's Pluto?" Goofy says, "On the edge of the solar system."
OMG! TLC canceled "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo"!!! Now we'll never find out how it ends.
BREAKING: scientists have discovered that Ebola humor isn't even slightly contagious.
News that Steve Nash is out for the season with a back injury was a shock to everyone who thought he was retired.
THEN: Be kind, please rewind. NOW: Be sweet, please retweet.
I can't find my pager!!! Thought I'd left it right next to the fax machine.
If this day goes any slower, it'll be yesterday before I know it.
Now that TwitPic has shut down, Instagram might finally have a chance to really take off!
I asked my Economics professor for a makeup exam. So he tested me on my knowledge of Mary Kay Cosmetics.
Just overheard someone on the subway say, "I think I either have Ebola or allergies."
Boomtown (Season 1: episode 1):
"'I know exactly what your problem is. You've been having so much fun being a wave, that you forgot you're really just part of the ocean."
For every action, there is an equal and opposite rejection letter.
Feeling like I could fall asleep at any seconkjglj;asgkj
Coffee is my cup of tea.
I can no longer recognize Renee Zellweger as the woman from Dirty Dancing.
Renee Zellweger -- You Look ... Like Someone Else (PHOTO)
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When will there be an app that rids the world of typos? I say the time is no!
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big cup of coffee.
Has anyone ever considered the possibility that we're all just trapped in an unfinished Rod Serling script?
A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and are you even reading this tweet?
I'm such an optimist that I still expect to find something other than Spam when I check my Gmail account.
Twitter makes me like people I've never met. Facebook makes me hate people I know in real life.
Does anyone still play Minesweeper?
My cousin says she doesn't smoke, drink or take pills. Habitual liar!
It's with a heavy heart that we re-announce that Twitpic will be shutting down again. More details on our blog
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Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Know that feeling when u wake up ready to conquer the world? I wonder what that's like.
There should be a sitcom about a group of strangers stranded on an island with only one handheld device. Call the show "Gilligan's iPad."
A woman on Twitter advised me to block any unstable women who seem to be stalking me. So I blocked her.
I'd be all for that. :-) RT @TedInJest: Why isn't there one machine which washes, dries, and folds clothes?
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Why isn't there one machine which washes, dries, and folds clothes?
I can't decide which Bieber video to tweet, so I'll go with this instead: Eva Cassidy - "Fields of Gold":
I tweet because it's easier than farming.
Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you.
I went to a psychic. She asked me my name, and I asked for my money back.
WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
Thx @TedInJest for sharing how much you love RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH @rfamovie DVD w/ Director Commentary!
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