Has your butler ever sent a tweet on your account while you were in the sauna?
Someone asked me a question a few months ago. Here's my answer: Yes.
Retweet if you think the weekend should start right now.
Whenever I see Jerry Lewis making a fool of himself, I think to myself: "Jim Carrey will be even worse than this in 35 years."
I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and make them go to bed.
I'm not going to tweet what I'm thinking right now. I'm sure you know why. Am I right?
Aging is a high price to pay for aging.
I dare u to make a random comment.
"Shame on us" if New Yorkers elect Weiner to City Hall, Gov. Andrew Cuomo told the editorial board of the Syracuse Post-Standard.
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Life is like a cup of coffee. See here: irove.com/video065.html
Twitter should let us block IP addresses. #justsaying @twitter
Let's Basque in the glow of the Pyrenees.
If God hadn't wanted there to be atheists, then she wouldn't have made them. Am I right?
I'll write a Kickstarter joke if we reach my goal of $1 million for one Kickstarter joke.
That was annoying, right?
I asked my cousin how come she's an atheist. She said, "God just made me this way."
I directed a tweet at @CarlySimonHQ
. Now I await a reply. Anticipation.
A coffee maker that can also drive the kids to school. Do I have to think of everything?
I think I'll wait until Paris Hilton's new album is released on 8-track tape.
Kid said, "They should ban peanut butter at school." Mom said, "Is a classmate allergic to nuts?" Kid said, "No. I just hate peanut butter."
I think my GPS malfunctioned. This doesn't look like Disney to me: twitpic.com/2kk1tp
Just upgraded the MS-DOS on this computer.
She said, "I'm a fan of comedy films." He said, "What kind?" She said, "I like sly comedy." He said, "Like with Stallone?" She said, "Yes."
RT if you think I like you.
Twitter makes me like people I've never met. Facebook makes me hate people I know in real life.
A retweet is as good as a smile :)
From now on, when I say to someone: "It's a long story!" ... what I will mean is that it is longer than 140 characters.
I've got 99 problems but the beach ain't one.
Our pet doe will do anything for a buck.
Somewhat stunned that two people involved with a worthwhile cause just came to my door: @foodandwater
Transporter soundtrack - Knoc-Turn'Al - "Muzik": youtu.be/2p4i4L4wxiE
Paul McCartney & Wings - "Old Siam, Sir" : youtu.be/mC-kt8qBIWk
OMG! If this doesn't lift your spirits, I don't know what will: bit.ly/9Rsv2q
Danger Mouse - "Encore" (Grey Album): youtu.be/oeJQh6xjjTc
Went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art today. I pretended to be interested in everything, but I was only in it for the Monet.
It's laundry-folding time. I'll be back in about 26 hours.
If you initiated this download, you can disregard this email. It was only sent to alert u in case u did not initiate the download yourself.
Please disregard the previous tweet. My dog typed that!
This will be the last tweet I will ever send.
CHECK OUT LONELYGIRL48 2 LINK IS GOOD FOR 24 HOURS ONLY - THEN OFF TO FESTIVALS... fb.me/URNbFQkZ
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Never underestimate the power of bad advice.