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Steve Martin

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All best wishes to Mumford's Ted Dwane, honored to face angry mob tomorrow at Telluride on their behalf. @SteepCanyon @MumfordAndSons
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Jimmy Hoffa ferociously digging and moving around underground.
Not if you really know me. RT @JoyceCarolOates: Steve Martin Look-Alike Competition discriminates against the dark-haired & female.
There. I finally read the Internet.
I prefer: "Say the next line after she says hers!" RT @calderwa:Audience member at Hamlet: "Do the next line like you really mean it!"
Spelling correction on last tweet. I read it seventeen times.
Fan at golf tourney: "Get in the hole!" Sitter for artist John Singer Sargent: "Paint the next stroke with fluidity and bravura!"
Golf tournaments::"get in the hole!" Bluegrass concerts::"Hit the third string with your thumb at the second fret!"
Honored to appear at Telluride on Thursday with @SteepCanyon and @ediebrickell, sorry it's to stand in for Mumford and Sons woes.
Science has shown it actually works. RT @stephenfry: anyone who shouts “Get in the hole!” during a golf tournament should be deported.
"I saw the movie, I missed the book." Jonathan Winters.
If ever I'm in a tough situation, I want Jack Reacher on my side.
Jack Reacher, fortunately, has not been hit by a single bullet.
This Jack Reacher fellow is able to out drive ANYONE.
Driving Miss Daisy. RT @meredithann109: You could be watching any movie with this commentary.
Cars now appear to be chasing other cars in a reckless manner.
"I can't do this anymore."
You mean my 3D glasses. RT @ktea11: @SteveMartinToGo Don't attempt to kick ass and do one liners at your age. You might drop the remote.
Jack Reacher mumbling, "What would Navin do." Amazing movie.
I'm enjoying the movie, however, "I'm sorry, can you please put a shirt on."
Well excuuuuuude me! @SteveMartinToGo RT @MoRocca: Can someone define the verb in this Vegas ad for Jay Leno? pic.twitter.com/19mDLo3k3J
Retweeted by Steve Martin
"It's your last chance to walk away."
You're asking me to look at a cold-blooded killer, objectively.
So you're Jack Reacher.
@SteveMartinToGo The smell of tweets takes me back to the old Twitter.
Retweeted by Steve Martin
It works for a while, then, go blond. RT @stephenfry: @SteveMartinToGo Thinking of whitening my hair…
Oh my God, some of these responses are actually four minutes old!
If not here, where? RT @duke9555: @AmyTan Twitter is certainly not the place to discuss Proust
Proust is, like, a guy, oh never mind idiot. RT @jamenta: @AmyTan I have not read Proust. What does he say?
I change my Twitter photo, and one day later @stephenfry changes his. So transparent.
Reading Proust. Doing the same.RT @AmyTan: Writing each sentence has purpose, but may not serve the novel. I discarded 4 chaps. 150+ pages.
Here’s our new lyric video of “Love Has Come for You.” Edie’s Brickell’s wonderful words made visible. youtube.com/watch?v=ckFIv-…
Oh, like, yeah, sure, really. RT @atari800: @SteveMartinToGo @Surakai9473 Bring back the monkey.
You're thinking of Napoleon. RT @Surakai9473: pont well taken sir
The photographer, Sue Flood, gave me permission herself. RT @Willis151: better hope the penguins don't sue for using their likeness.
You talkin' to me? RT @Kieng_Alex:It would have been funnier if you had written "grammer" instead of "gramma".
Saying goodnight now, meeting with Tom Stoppard to write tomorrow's tweets!
Just because we're leaving some letters off, doesn't mean we still don't use good gramma.
Don't you mean I'm a "egular Bo Hop?" Opps, NOT COOL. RT @chrispj53: In that case, you're a regular Bo Hop.
Leaving letters BEFORE word is NOT COOL. RT @and_dree_uh: i was going to correct u also about leaving an f off but its probably utile
I was going to say "shooflenificism." RT @benshoof: @SteveMartinToGo you left the "glenifty" off "shooglenifty"
Sometim leavin lette of is fu.
Aw, shoo. RT @Zyg_26: @SteveMartinToGo @papat247 You left the "F" off off
You left the "e" of of "one." RT @papat247: @SteveMartinToGo #bowfinger is on..great movie!!!!
New profile pic designed to please all.
Also have stylist check wardrobe. RT @tomhanks: Should I get this swollen elbow looked at? Hanx? say.ly/UOl62lU
I will recrop misunderstood photo when I return home. RT @zoogirl123:.the award for the most clever misuse of a penguin photo goes to...
That's what I'm doing. I'm surprised Twitter isn't on this. RT @Ow_My_Back: you have to block each in turn. I do it even if its tedious.