I’d love to be on one of those cooking shows. But who am I kidding? I’ll never be on TV.
Mr. Krabs told me you should strive to be the best at something. He ought to know: when it comes to being cheap, he is the best!
There’s no hunger that a Krabby Patty can’t cure! Well, except vampire hunger. I have to refer them to the blood bank down the road.
Wait a minute: why did that talking pickle ask me to put him back in the safe?! PLANKTON!!!
Someday I hope to attend Bikini Bottom University! As a place of higher learning, I hear they teach how to fly boats instead of drive them.
I tried to put myself in the Flying Dutchman’s shoes for a moment, but I couldn’t. It turns out he doesn’t have feet.
They say money can’t buy happiness. Apparently no one said that to Mr. Krabs!
The entrance to the Mermalair must stay secret! So please don’t tell anyone it’s under the larger mauve couch at Shady Shoals. Thanks!
I don’t know why I get so sentimental about sea onions, but cutting them always seems to make me cry!
I wanted to save Squidward some time, so I did his gardening for him with a chainsaw! He was so thrilled, he fainted on the spot.
We owe a debt to the Earl of Sandwich, without whom we wouldn’t have Krabby Patties today. But Mr. Krabs says we’re not paying it.
Mrs. Puff says I am driving her crazy! That may be true, but at least I’m driving.
For some reason, Gary quakes in fear when I season my coral fries with salt! I guess I’ll never fully understand snails.
If a mailman is female, is she a mailwoman? And if she’s a mailwoman, is she really female? Or is she a femailwoman? I’m confused.
I’d tell you what’s in the Krabby Patty secret sauce, but then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore! Also, you would probably stop eating it.
Pearl said that she thinks the Krusty Krab needs a makeover. But it’s a big restaurant! I don’t think we can afford that much makeup.
If Mr. Krabs opens another restaurant someday, I’d like to nominate a fry cook for it: Patrick! He’ll set that place on fire!
Squidward told me that today, I can not only do my job, but his too! Wow! Sometimes I wonder why he’s so nice to me.
Mr. Krabs wants to find ways to get every customer to pay more money. I’m going to try just asking. The worst they can say is “no”!
Plankton is up to something. He’s on the second shelf of that cabinet now; if he gets to the third one, he’ll be up to my height!
I may not always know how to solve your problems. But I’m always willing to try! I hope that counts for something.
Patrick and I are making an instructional video about how to blow bubbles! Seems like a lot of learning to pack into three hours …
I could have sworn I heard a voice in the dumpster this morning. Was it trash talk?
Sandy thinks Gary is shy and needs to come out of his shell. I don’t think she understands how snails work …
Sure, there are hideous, terrible creatures from the underworld lurking among us. But monsters?! Come on, that’s just silly.
When you commute by unicycle, there’s no such thing as a traffic jam!
Sandy told me that when danger is near, it’s important to keep one’s eyes peeled. What about scalloped?
The good news: Mr. Krabs’ boat motor is cleaner than it’s ever been! The bad news: now my pores are clogged with motor oil.
You could say I’m wearing a wig. But the wig would say it’s wearing a sponge.
I taught Gary to shake. Looks like I won’t be needing this blender anymore!
When it comes to porifera, I might be one of the best of them at karate! Actually not clear if any other ones know karate …
I’ve heard that when people talk about you, your ears will burn. Lucky for me, I don’t have ears!
I don’t mind riding the bus. I‘d just prefer it took me somewhere I wanted to go!
Today I asked Patrick if he could give me a hand. He just pulled it right off his arm and gave it to me. Now that’s a true friend!
We all know Pearl is a whale, but I just found out that whales are mammals! I never knew she and Sandy had so much in common.
Gary made me a cup of hot cocoa! Truth be told, it’s really a mug of lukewarm mud. But I don’t want to be rude, so bottoms up! Ugh.
If anyone ever tells you you’re too soft, remind them that it’s a hard world! We could all use a little more softness.
Some Krabby Patties have to be inspected very, very closely … Oops, too close! Now I’ll have to eat it.
If you’re stung by a jellyfish, you can treat that with a little jellyfish jelly! Of course, trying to get it may get you stung again …
They say I have a winning smile. Maybe I should teach my smile to play volleyball!
They say if you don’t like the heat, stay out of the kitchen. But what if you don’t like the heat AND your job is in the kitchen?
I wish I could help Patrick find a rewarding career. The first step would be him wanting a career.
Here’s my idea for a Krabby Patty slogan: “It’s a Love Sandwich!” Mr. Krabs isn’t too sure about this one.
Squidward told me not to talk to him anymore. So now we communicate via sign language! I wish I could understand his strange gestures.
Killer whales get a bad rap. As long as you don’t look them in the eye, talk to them or be near them, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
I could get a fake Boating License, but I’m not going to do that. It’s cheating! Besides, then I could only drive a fake boat.
When Mr. Krabs asked me to hide his money, I didn’t know where to put it. Luckily, Pearl did. She promised to hide it at the mall!
I’ve worked up quite an appetite! Those two push-ups were pretty intense.
If I lived underground, you could call me SpongeBob UnderPants! But, I don’t.
It’s never too early for a Krabby Patty! That must be why it’s 2 am and we’re still open here at the Krusty Krab …