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comedybritain 848,617 followers
"These things happen" - Translation: These things happen because of you
Trying to tell the hairdresser to please stop cutting by staring silently at your reflection
The #verybritishproblems book: best enjoyed when tipping it down. (Umbrella not included)
"Yes, I remember you saying" - Translation: Please stop saying that
Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first frowning at your phone for three seconds
Feeling relieved to be safely back inside a jumper
"Make yourself at home" - Translation: Remain where I can see you and stay out of my cupboards
Being unable to smile politely without looking cross
"The weather can't make its mind up today"
Having no idea what to do with your arms when someone moves in for a cheek kiss
The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
The overwhelming sorry of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
Welcome back, umbrella, you've been missed
Mishearing an email address, so just abandoning any hope of ever contacting that person again
"The meal was lovely, thank you" - Translation: Anyone's guess
If you fancy it, obtain the #verybritishproblems book. If not, that's fine. Honestly.
Train due: 18:00 Train expected: 18:04 Time now: 18:12 Status: On time
Apologising profusely for living elsewhere when asked for directions
Making a terrible cup of tea and wondering how to live with yourself
"Not to worry" - Translation: I will never forget this
Brit holiday checklist Passport: ✓ Swimming trunks: ✓ Tea bags: ✓ Sudden raging cold: ✓
Being desperate to say "looks like we've had our summer then" for the past two months
Next tube arriving in: 1 minute: Good 2 minutes: Fine 3 minutes: Oh bloody hell 4 minutes: WHY ME? 5+ minutes: Kill me now
Being unable to say "thanks a lot" without sounding annoyed
The horror: "How about we just order a bit of everything and share?"
The horror: "Goodbye... Oh, you're also leaving in this direction..."
The thrill of being the first to say "I think I just felt a spot of rain"
Debating whether to set the bedside fan to 'hot breeze' or 'warm hurricane'
"Not to worry" - Meaning: I'm bitterly disappointed and it's all your fault
Can't tweet... Too hot...
"Perfect" - Translation: Well that's that ruined then
Turning slightly sideways and saying sorry when passing someone, despite the corridor being large enough to accommodate a train
"That's certainly one way of looking at it" - Translation: That's certainly the wrong way of looking at it
Turn the pillow just once more, it'll definitely be extra cold this time
Being unable to tell someone your name without adding "by the way"
Really rather looking forward to wearing jumpers again
Available now, the 'perfectly adequate' Very British Problems book/tea tray:
Being unable to stand and leave without first saying "right"
"Could be worse" - Translation: Could be Brazil
Finding someone standing in front of your desired sandwich, so pretending to study a pasta salad until they leave
"I'm just popping out for lunch, does anyone want anything?" - Translation: I'm getting my own lunch now, please remain silent
"It could be worse" - Translation: It couldn't possibly be any worse
"Very interesting" - Meaning: You are boring me to death
"No harm done" - Translation: You have caused complete and utter chaos
"I'm sure it'll be fine" - Translation: I fully expect the situation to deteriorate rapidly
People who add milk at the wrong stage of tea production
Silently glancing sideways. Translation: "WHY ARE YOU QUEUING BY MY SIDE?!"