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comedybritain 859,609 followers
It's only 100 days until Christmas
"Fancy a quick half?" - Translation: Fancy going into this pub for as long as possible?
Producing an unexpectedly loud tut and feeling like you've just accidentally fired a cannon
Ending an email with "thanks" to let the recipient know you're trembling with rage
Hoping we get a day off work for this one #RoyalBaby
"Does anyone want this last roast potato?" - Translation: I want this last roast potato
If you fancy it, obtain the #verybritishproblems book. If not, that's fine. Honestly.
Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it's perhaps best never to speak again
Finally, retweet if you don't actually like tea. #BraceYourselves
Due to popular demand, retweet if you don't entertain milk at all
Survey: Retweet for milk first, favourite for milk last
"Let's meet up for dinner sometime" - Translation: Let's avoid each other forever
Brit 1: Up to much this weekend? Brit 2: No, not really. You? Brit 1: Nothing much -End-
The giddy, childlike euphoria when someone brings biscuits into a meeting
Spending half your life worrying that people think you're shoplifting
"These things happen" - Translation: These things happen because of you
Trying to tell the hairdresser to please stop cutting by staring silently at your reflection
The #verybritishproblems book: best enjoyed when tipping it down. (Umbrella not included)
"Yes, I remember you saying" - Translation: Please stop saying that
Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first frowning at your phone for three seconds
Feeling relieved to be safely back inside a jumper
"Make yourself at home" - Translation: Remain where I can see you and stay out of my cupboards
Being unable to smile politely without looking cross
"The weather can't make its mind up today"
Having no idea what to do with your arms when someone moves in for a cheek kiss
The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
The overwhelming sorry of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
Welcome back, umbrella, you've been missed
Mishearing an email address, so just abandoning any hope of ever contacting that person again
"The meal was lovely, thank you" - Translation: Anyone's guess
If you fancy it, obtain the #verybritishproblems book. If not, that's fine. Honestly.
Train due: 18:00 Train expected: 18:04 Time now: 18:12 Status: On time
Apologising profusely for living elsewhere when asked for directions
Making a terrible cup of tea and wondering how to live with yourself
"Not to worry" - Translation: I will never forget this
Brit holiday checklist Passport: ✓ Swimming trunks: ✓ Tea bags: ✓ Sudden raging cold: ✓
Being desperate to say "looks like we've had our summer then" for the past two months
Next tube arriving in: 1 minute: Good 2 minutes: Fine 3 minutes: Oh bloody hell 4 minutes: WHY ME? 5+ minutes: Kill me now
Being unable to say "thanks a lot" without sounding annoyed
The horror: "How about we just order a bit of everything and share?"
The horror: "Goodbye... Oh, you're also leaving in this direction..."
The thrill of being the first to say "I think I just felt a spot of rain"
Debating whether to set the bedside fan to 'hot breeze' or 'warm hurricane'
"Not to worry" - Meaning: I'm bitterly disappointed and it's all your fault
Can't tweet... Too hot...
"Perfect" - Translation: Well that's that ruined then
Turning slightly sideways and saying sorry when passing someone, despite the corridor being large enough to accommodate a train
"That's certainly one way of looking at it" - Translation: That's certainly the wrong way of looking at it