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comedybritain 884,041 followers
Never feeling more terrified than when someone asks if they can "have a quick chat"
Just one day until launch, the excitement builds to a hushed murmur
Wondering whether to interrupt a conversation or allow your bladder to explode
Only 2 days until launch, please form an orderly queue: @SoVeryBritish paperback
Being surrounded by people ordering you to "listen to that wind"
Overtaking someone on foot and keeping up the exhausting pace until safely over the horizon
Sorry to interrupt but the @SoVeryBritish paperback is now available to order. Sorry.
Starting a sentence by quietly saying "look", to warn that you're completely consumed with rage
"Anyway, it doesn't matter" - Translation: I will never forgive you for this
Saying "there's definitely something going round" when someone says they're ill, even if nobody else you know is ill
One week until release, the @SoVeryBritish paperback is available for pre-order
Being unable to ask a stranger a question without first saying "excuse me, hi, sorry"
"I'll be the first project manager" - Translation: Fire me! #TheApprentice
Being unable to say "I can't wait" without sounding sarcastic
Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
"Right, whose turn is it to make the tea?" - Translation: It's certainly not my turn to make the tea
Having to decide whether it's best to go outside in sunglasses or a submarine
For the next hour every Brit will say the word "bake" at least 1,000 times #GBBOfinal
Being fascinated to know "is it raining where you are?"
"Yeah, definitely" - Translation: I'm afraid I'm not really listening
Happy 'Big Coat Day' everyone
Attempting to obtain the last Yorkshire pudding by trying to force it on everyone else at the table
Or obtain the hardcover now, though if there's only 1 left don't expect anyone to take it
Now with extra awkwardness, the @SoVeryBritish paperback is available for pre-order
"You look well" - Translation: You appear to have doubled in size
Responding to someone pushing in front of you by immediately looking at the rest of the queue behind you
Awfully sorry to bother you, but quite chuffed to announce:
"It's not quite what I had in mind" - Translation: What the bloody hell is this?
Worrying you might explode when the person in front of you hasn't spotted the free till
"Yeah, could do" - Translation: That is a terrible plan, please remain quiet while I quickly think of an alternative
Very British Problems follow-up for Sphere: Sphere has acquired a follow-up to Very British...
Retweeted by VeryBritishProblems
Being in a perpetual state of removing/adding a layer
Best dunking biscuit survey (2/2): Retweet for Digestives, favourite for Ginger Nut
Best dunking biscuit survey: Retweet for Hobnob, favourite for Rich Tea
"Goodness, is that the time?" - Translation: I've been wanting to leave for hours
Not long now, big coat, not long now...
"Anyway, I'll let you get on..." - Translation: Please go away
It's only 100 days until Christmas
"Fancy a quick half?" - Translation: Fancy going into this pub for as long as possible?
Producing an unexpectedly loud tut and feeling like you've just accidentally fired a cannon
Ending an email with "thanks" to let the recipient know you're trembling with rage
Hoping we get a day off work for this one #RoyalBaby
"Does anyone want this last roast potato?" - Translation: I want this last roast potato
If you fancy it, obtain the #verybritishproblems book. If not, that's fine. Honestly.
Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it's perhaps best never to speak again
Finally, retweet if you don't actually like tea. #BraceYourselves
Due to popular demand, retweet if you don't entertain milk at all