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The real way to win a date with an NFL player: - sp
Ladies, if your man says he'll fix it, he will. There's no reason to remind him every 6 months
boss: why aren't you working? me: i didn't see you coming!
It's an unwritten rule in girls' soccer that each team must have at least one Katie on the field at all times.
Sorry I yelled "GET A ROOM!" at your grandson's wrestling tournament.
Deaf people have no idea why the rest of us think farts are funny.
#Bama on TV today?? Are they playing and I missed it?
That's disgusting! Where did you learn to do that?! Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's
We will lie and tell you we are different but if you fuck us in one weekend you are always a slut to us. #youknowwhoyouare
Yes, you are an emotional cunt. Guys only want to fuck you because you are a cock tease. And you think sex means love.
My preferred method of birth control is "mood-killing repetitive DVD menu."
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they're concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
I hate when I'm trying to do shit and I have a wife
"No, everything's fine" must've been a great phrase to say before women got hold of it.
Life is more exciting when you're out there living it. I read that somewhere.
If you survived a shark attack, nice job, asshole. You just missed out on the coolest way to die.
I deleted my facebook account. Could one of you tell them it's raining and cold here?
When I get Cheeto dust on my fingers I use it to draw warpaint on my face. I am serious as fuck about my Cheetos.
@Sinastr Makes u want to dig him up and see what he looks like.
Retweeted by sinastr
Ladies of #sinastrnation "@TheFactsBook: Semen has anti-aging and immunity-boosting properties when ingested.”
Love is the most powerful emotion. It's also the most dangerous.
In the year 1973, there were 2000 Elvis Impersonators. By 1993, over 30,000. At this rate, by 2050 1 out of 3 people will be Elvis
Sometimes watching is better
It's not a party until the swifter is brought out.
How work will be today after the company party. #imfucked
Good morning bitches and assholes!!
The #Bama fans are out in the French quarter tonight. Be careful. #SayNoToTeaBaging
The luckiest team on final drives is about to get the ball. #bamasucks but will win #BAMAvsOSU #SugarBowl2015 #SugarBowl #GeauxTigers
Urban going deep on Saban lol Uhm.
Retweeted by sinastr
TF?! Run the clock! Make them use their timeouts.
Retweeted by sinastr
After watching #Bama for years beat #LSU on final drives. This #SugarBowl is not over. #BAMAvsOSU #GeauxTigers #TheOhioState #bamasucks
The battle of the asshole coaches seems over. #BAMAvsOSU #SugarBowl2015 #Alabama #TheOhioState #GeauxTigers
Cheering for #bama because they are in the #sec is like cheering for the #Devil because he's in the #Bible #BAMAvsOSU #GeauxTigers #sec
It's been pretty rough going, but I think I finally beat my crippling addiction to sobriety. #HappyNewYear
Mermaids: Can't live with them, can't beat them in a potato sack race.
Maybe it's just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
Some hard hits in this a and m game
just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by fleeing the scene of the accident.
Gaby Del Campo for president