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Seth MacFarlane
Women, don't tell us about your boyfriend. He's a guy. We know what he's like.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Thrilled to be performing at the Hollywood Bowl tonight with my idol John Williams. Childhood wish fulfilled.
Really looking forward to Fox's new half-hour comedy "Oh, Edgar!" pic.twitter.com/g5G66yrXLh
A fun party game would be to have everyone write down on a slip of paper what they think ISIS is and then read them aloud during the party.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Yesterday I wanted to take a photo of bras in a store and tweet it to you guys with the hashtag #HonkHonk, but a lady was staring at me :(
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
One of my parents' friends just told me, face to face, that he saw my profile while on Facebook. That was it. If I die tonight, he did it.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
The good news is, God has a plan. The bad news is, it's called, "Operation: Awful Bullshit"
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
I need a new gimmick. What if I'm always just inexplicably shuffling a deck of cards? Would you buy that? Like "whoa, who's that drifter?!"
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Remember high-maintenance women, it's yell into phone, sip from straw in giant iced coffee and repeat until Range Rover gets to destination.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
"Jesus Christ, get a look at these fucking idiots." - if my dad had introduced The Beatles instead of Ed Sullivan
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Ferguson PD starts press briefing with a prayer. "I'll take a question from the man rolling his eyes. No, the other one."
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
So sad to hear about Don Pardo. He'll be missed. Every time I heard his voice growing up, I knew my very favorite thing was about to start.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
I think I'll be a pretty great dad one day, on weekends and some holidays, depending on how crazy stuff at work is. We'll see.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
You know something is truly stupid when it becomes popular on Facebook.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
With ongoing events in Ferguson, I once again recommend Michelle Alexander's "The New Jim Crow." Sheds objective light on the big picture.
Nothing like a vigorous abdominal workout at the 1800s gym. pic.twitter.com/KXERV9uDlx
RT @shaun_01759_835: @SethMacFarlane I think famliy guy is bloody funny pic.twitter.com/f6RveWwDkx // Thanks for including the Sears portrait.
Alan Silvestri and Annie Druyan w/ their Emmys for Cosmos pic.twitter.com/sNQ0rkUz2V
Ooo and yet Cosmos was defeated for best non-fiction series. Get it together, Emmys. Get it together.
Congratulations to the brilliant Ann Druyan on her Emmy win for writing Cosmos!!!!
Congratulations to Alan Silvestri for his 2 Emmy wins!! Best main title theme, and bes... tmi.me/1eFkHH pic.twitter.com/9GbVTBLNFi
It's Madonna's birthday today. Her assistants must be so fucking stressed.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Buddhism defines enlightenment as, "Watching TMZ and not recognizing a single person they're talking about."
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Weird Bobby Goldsboro lyric of the day: "She comes to me softly with crackers and beer"
Thank you, Lauren, for teaching us all how to whistle. You will be missed, but more than that, you will be celebrated.
For most of my childhood, I wanted to be Mork from Ork. I still do.
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The world just got a lot less funny. Robin Williams is a tragic loss.
Vin Diesel calls it "Groot, and the Galactic Guardians - a VIN DIESEL Film: Written/Directed/Starring VIN DIESEL as 'Groot', the Main Hero".
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
The opposite of doing ecstasy is hearing a band say, "This next one's off the new album".
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Stop shouting, Mel B. There's a mic right in front of you.
RT@redfabiuz: Peter is doing great on an Italian Mall shelf. @SethMacFarlane pic.twitter.com/cmVDsDQ3Lk // Had no idea this existed. Delightful.
Hey follow my pal and Oscar/Sound of Music Live producer @craigzadan!
Thanks for always being on the other side of the goddamn socket, lamp switches.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Like most of those stricken with worry over the missing Nigerian schoolgirls, I've moved onto making snide remarks about the new fall shows.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
I want to see the scene just before this, when the three of them were planning the choreography. pic.twitter.com/CHvMAbDfuI
Next Republican that bitches about environmental regulations should be handed a bottle of Toledo tap water.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
RT @Lilliewassell: @SethMacFarlane Who would you like to play you in a film about your life? // Grover.