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Seth MacFarlane
If I didn't see the Miss America pageant, will I still be able to understand every contestant's relationship with Christ?
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Thanks for the #MillionWays love you guys are sending on here! With critics no longer hollering in ur ears, good to hear you're digging it!
"Follow the yellow brick road!" "Oh. So like, the only road here?" "Look, just let us have this."
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Has a promo of sitcom characters dancing ever made anyone watch anything?
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
In a 1930's movie where everyone is wearing tuxedos and top hats, the drunk guy is the one wearing his top hat at a rakish angle.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Photos of people doing yoga are like the "Dad! Dad, watch how high I can jump!" of adulthood.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
RT @lilkimff: fun photos with our pal seth macfarlane✌️ @ Improv Asylum instagram.com/p/s7jSTbwYuD/ // It's always exciting to meet a Senator.
Why don't they teach kids to communicate so we're not all awkward assholes when we grow up?
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
@Wildaboutmusic @SethMacFarlane Apparently I'm doing a gig with this guy. I wonder what instrument he plays. pic.twitter.com/HhDyEEOM6x
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Dear men: No more flip flops.
"Welcome to the NFL. Just stand against that height chart and we'll take your picture."
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
RT @WayOfTheSword: @SethMacFarlane Can't wait to hear the voice he comes up with for the asteroid. // Dennis Haysbert will voice it.
Calling my dad is like reaching into the Flash Gordon stump.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
How geeky are you? Wanna see @SethMacFarlane’s orbital elements? They’re here, with full citation: 1.usa.gov/WU4vhP
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Asteroid “70713 @SethMacFarlane” orbits the Sun between Mars & Jupiter. I double checked: no chance of it hitting Earth.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Join me in congratulating @SethMacFarlane for asteroid 1999UL46 being officially renamed “70713 SethMacFarlane” in his honor.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Congratulations on being the kind of person who corrects the grammar of others, unsolicited. You're the Microsoft Word Paperclip.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Sarah Palin & family involved in brawl at snowmobile race party, giving knuckles brief respite from "drag" setting.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Person Standing Far Away From Burial Must Have Deep, Dark Secret About Deceased onion.com/1svlcwM pic.twitter.com/yu82I0CPh0
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Andrew Wridgeley: "I remember, George came up with the 'go-go' part..." George Michael: "Yeah, but then you pitched 'yo-yo'. So perfect..."
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Anyone over 35 who has any energy at all is clearly on drugs.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
@Whizzpast: Family bicycle (baby riding in the back), c. 1910 pic.twitter.com/bZpPzNBsyZ@SethMacFarlane this makes it more practical
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
I've wasted a lot of time, but at least I'm not "liking" fiber on Facebook. pic.twitter.com/uXzfGsmBwp
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Twitter: "I'm outraged!" "Then why don't you do something about it?" "I am doing something! I'm being outraged!"
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...and yes, it's the unrated version.
A Million Ways to Die in the West is now available on iTunes!
Just stopped and rewound a movie to get a better look at a cheeseburger a guy was eating.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
The excitement and anticipation I feel at the thought of my post-lunch coffee is way too intense for someone under 50.
Hey, Apple, calm the fuck down... it's a wrist watch, not a flying car.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
WACKY FACT: The sky in Sarajevo is around 5 ft. off the ground. pic.twitter.com/GMUNG6h2GH
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
I understand how medicine cures diseases and how we landed a man on the moon... But I still don't understand how soap gets things clean.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
"A Haunting" should just be called "Look At These Batshit People We Found".
Every time I turn on CNN, it's a concerned-looking woman talking to a bald guy.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
If I ever find myself wearing a bathing suit with high heels I will know I made some serious wrong turns in my life.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
No, Mio Water Enhancer. No.
The doctors may have to surgically remove this thought bubble over my head with the piece of pie in it.
No offence intended, but if you put your white baby next to an Asian baby, your baby is definitely going to look like crap by comparison.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Joan Rivers never played it safe. She was the bravest of them all. Still at the top at the end. She will be sorely missed.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Despite tragic passing of Joan Rivers, she'll be performing four shows this weekend at Foxwoods Casino.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Joan Rivers once told me she would die before she'd ever apologize for a joke. I'm glad she made it.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
I-90 Adds Lane For Drivers Traveling Cross-Country To Stop Woman From Marrying Wrong Man onion.com/1qA8niE
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
Death Row Guard Has Always Had Soft Spot For The Innocent Ones onion.com/1qoGFXl pic.twitter.com/j1ZgRdVVlH
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People in the office near mine like to loudly discuss questions they could easily google because I work in Hell with a billion Hitlers.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane
"I believe that people make their own luck in life. Anyone can achieve anything if they truly want it enough…" - Someone with rich parents.
Retweeted by Seth MacFarlane