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God damnit, joan.
I just noticed that I've made out with the same amount of straight guys as I have gay guys. Mind blown.
Just realized how much I want to hear @Pink cover "burn the pages" by @Sia #makeawish
Omg Miley sobbing over the hot homeless. Can't. #VMAs
I have now. My username is merwitch.
Fall fashion inspiration : the nana from titanic
Was so amped to see @allen_stone today with my lil sis but @USAirways ruined a beautiful sibling bonding moment. Boo! #DoYourJob
#CandidlyNicole is my new obsession thank god @nicolerichie back! Loves it!
How to parents always find the longest videos on the Internet to have to show you?
I'll have a Vanilla Milk shake w a side order of The American Dream
Retweeted by ry
So I got to see two exes with their new boyfriends tonight. Feeling fucking awesome.
Definitely using asthma as an excuse to stay in bed from now on. @SonjatMorgan is so glorious. #RHONY
You can tell who is a selfie pro by whether or not their eyes connect with the camera lens or with the screen.
Fae for pay.
This baby is 7 minutes old and already fed up with life. I can relate.
Retweeted by ry
A straight white guy just confused me for straight and high fived me and called me his "nigga" #accomplished #blessed
People who are particularly difficult for emotional empaths include criticizer, the victim, the narcissist, and the controller.
Afternoon nap dream about hanging out with @LanaDelRey just chillin poolside and talking metaphysics.
"Do not defend your boner to me right now." #OITNB
Still hoping for a meet and greet with @MarcBroussard at FTC tonight with my bestie... soul never sounded so good!!! #takemehome
Retweeted by ry
I didn't know the new real housewife was aviva's inhaler. #rhony @Andy
Having asthma is really so creepy. #RHONY
I just want to make out to ultraviolence and eat strawberries. Ugh.
Grossie gross.
I just completed an Egghead Games Logic Puzzle without using any hints on my Android device! See . My day. Send help.
I just realized Sarah Michelle Gellar getting her hair cut off in I know what you did last summer was the beginning of first world problems
if homosexuality is like alcoholism then pour me two shots of vodka, motherfuckers! #rickperry
I watch sports during the world cup and summer olympics only. #bro
New goal in life is to play a tabletop game on @GeekandSundry my new favorite channel. If they do mansions of madness I need to be involved.
Am I the only one who is beyond obsessed with the Asian facialist? #Rhonyc #RHONY
This Friday is the 13th and it's a full moon and mercury is in retrograde. Shit is gonna get fucked up.
People who wear their sunglasses on the back of their neck need to be stopped #ohnobro
i guess i should put on clothes at some point today.
Wow my neighbor upstairs is getting high and all I can smell is weed in my apartment. Puff puff pass, hunty.
If God loved me he'd let me get abs as easy as I can get doughnuts.
You aren't a 90s kid if you were born in 1999. Please stop.
Coming to an inner city theater near you.
I think I'm going to buy a rabbit and dye it pink.
When will science allow for me to survive on lollipops?
I don't know what I'm doing 100% of the time
Jamie lynn spears can't fucking handle anything. Watching her co-host e news is unbearable. Vanish.