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Elizabeth Windsor
Sunday morning. Up with the cock. #Reigning
One's new book. Described by the Duke of Edinburgh as "a bloody cracking read": #StillReigning
Someone get one a black pudding sandwich and a cup of Tetley. #sweatinggin
On reflection, one may have been a little overdressed for a walk with the corgis this afternoon.
Just popped into @Coral and put Glasgow on Alex Salmond to resign at 4/1. Not laughing now are we Al? #OneRuler
Text from Nick Clegg: "So glad that Union J are staying together! They're like the BEST boyband ev'r!" #Idiot
Having looked up the kilt of nationalism, Scotland has chosen the trousers of Union.
Text from Alex Salmond: "Bollocks!" #awkward
Staying up to see if Scotland meets its reserve on eBay.
Decision day, Scotland. Think very carefully about the future. #ScotlandDecides
One's private calls with Alex Salmond have been revealed:… #Awkward
Text from Alex Salmond: "I don't want to move out. I'm sorry I was an idiot. Can we try again?" Thinking about it.
Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping, out on the street the traffic starts jumping, for Queens like one on the throne from 9 to 5
Tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen, pour oneself a cup of ambition and yawn and stretch and try to come to life... #Reigning9to5
One of the worst things about the Scottish #indyref is seeing Gordon Brown on the TV again. Just saying.
The Queen Mother used to warn against devolution to Scotland. "Give them an inch and they'll take the piss" she used to say #ScotlandDecides
Don't panic. Nick Clegg has signed a pledge. #ScotlandDecides
Apple have added a button to remove the U2 album from iTunes. Sadly this doesn't remove them from our collective memory.
Prince Harry's 30th Birthday today. We gave him Scotland but he says he might sell it on Thursday and buy a new pair of trainers instead.
We've just had a Gindependence referendum at Balmoral and voted overwhelmingly for a martini with lunch. #Gindependence
Thank bacon and egg sandwiches it's Friday.
Have sent the #OscarPistorius judge a text to ask her to make a decision on #Scotland whilst she's at it.
Text from George Osborne: "Dave & Nick have gone to Scotland. Dave's taken the high road and Nick's taken the low road! BOOM! LOLZ!" Moron.
Text from David Cameron: "Off to Scotland to save the Union ma'am! Where is Scotland by the way? Nick says it's up the M1?" #ScotlandDecides
The DoE says he's not eating any more Scotch Eggs if they vote for independence. Sod em. #ScotlandDecides
One is absolutely delighted. Just off the blower to @Coral, having the lot on it being a girl *wink* #ad
Cameron, Clegg and Miliband are heading to Scotland. So that's the referendum lost then. #ScotlandDecides
Written in the days of the United Kingdom. It's virtually a collector's item.
How many Royal Baby announcements does it take to swing an independence referendum? Asking for a friend. #RoyalBaby #ScotlandDecides
Having produced an heir, one can confirm that William and Catherine are expecting a spare. #RoyalBaby
Having a night in with a bottle of gin and a tube of Pringles. Once one pops, one can stop. #GinOClock
Hungover like a Queen.
Today would have been Freddie Mercury's Birthday. One doesn't have many regrets in life; not knighting Freddie Mercury is one of them.
Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew. Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two? The Sovereign can. Oh the Sovereign Ma'am can...
There are six billion people in the world. More or less. And it makes one feel quite small. But you're the one one loves the most of all.
Oh brilliant. Judy Finnigan is returning to daytime TV. Thrilled. Just thrilled.
Thursday is cancelled, due to lack of interest.
We are living in a material world and one is a material girl.
The Twitter Honours and Dishonours are out. Who has been created a Knight of the Tweet?… #StillReigning
Gordon Brown is making a series of speeches to save the United Kingdom. So, that's a load off then. #ChristHelpUs
Text from George Osborne: "Pinch, punch, first of the month a no returns! BOOM! LOLZ!" Absolute moron.
Alright people, that's enough sodding around. It's 1st September and it's time to get back to work. That includes you, Cameron.
No, President Putin, one's not flirting with you.
Babooshka, Babooshka, Babooshka-ya-ya!
Extremely painful Factor. #XFactor
Thinking of extending the weekend until approximately November.
Is it too early for a martini? Asking for a friend.