Bikini Bottom is the best place to live in the whole ocean! I know this because I've lived in exactly zero other places.
I think Plankton is angry because he's small. I will do my best to teach him how to be big and happy.
Looks like I'll have to get a robot to do my chores. I tried to get this calculator to take out the trash, but it is lazy.
Is it a bad idea to wrestle someone three times your size? That's something I'll be wondering about while this huge fish crushes me.
If you're easily distracted, you shouldn't drive. But I'm a good driver and hey guess what? I just found a shiny thing!
They say the pen is mightier than the sword. We'll see about that. I put a pen in a cage with a sword and so far, no winner.
They can never take away your memories. Unless they have some sort of brain erasing device. Then, they can.
If I had lived one thousand years ago, I would be almost 50 by now! I figured this out with a thing I don't understand called "math".
I've heard getting old is hard. But have you tried getting young? Now that's really hard.
I've heard it's not good to be caught sleeping on the job. But what if sleeping IS your job? Now that's a job I could actually do.
History: I'm done with it. Let's move on.
It's Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day! I don't have a fridge, so I cleaned Squidward's. And let me tell you, I cleaned it out good!
Sometimes, it's okay to be down in the dumps. For example, I was in Rock Bottom dump, and now I'm in Bikini Bottom dump. Not bad!
The puzzle I got in the mail is damaged! What a mess. Brand new and it's broken into 500 pieces.
Did you know that we can only move forward through time, but only look back at it? Do you know how much my brain aches from thinking that?!
Life: it's a living. Think about it. I didn't.
Squidward said I'm not the brightest bulb in the box. Well, joke's on him: I'm not in a box! Who's the bulb now? And what's a bulb?
Time to hit the grocery store! It's my favorite place to go and punch the wall.
I wish there was a Krabby Patty as big as my head! But there isn't. Oh, well. I guess instead, I'll just eat my own head.
Ghosts have it so easy! They don't have to worry about walking into walls. If I were a ghost, I'd be less injured.
How do you know you've hit rock bottom? You see a sign that says, "Welcome to Rock Bottom."
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? I really wish someone would come and tell me!
Donuts are hard to grow! I keep planting them and all I get is ants. I guess Squidward's soil isn't all that good after all.
If you drop a coin in a fountain, you can make one wish! I put all my coins in the fountain and made a lot of wishes for money.
I got the Halloween stuff SpongeBob asked for: jackal, ant, urn. Wait a minute: did he mean "Jack o'Lantern"? Why didn't he just say that?
I have to do pre-Boating School over again. It's called Floating School.
I think I'd rather be playing than working. Someday I'll try working and then I'll let you know for sure.
Confidentially, I have something to tell the whole world: I don't know what "confidentially" means!
Squidward told me to get lost, but I already am! Now what?
I may not have a boat, but I do have plenty of parking!
They say smiles are free. I wish I could afford them.
Squidward is welcome in my home anytime. But for some reason, he doesn't like it when I sleep in his bed. Unfair!
Today, I'm having a power lunch: an electric sandwich with a side of batteries! I just have to figure out where to plug in the bread.
That guy who works at the Krusty Krab told me I have to pay or he'll give me the boot. That's a nice offer, but could I have two boots?
The rock I live under is too hard, so I ordered a new, soft rock. Why did they send me this boring music instead? Weird.
SpongeBob works at a famous restaurant known in all the seven seas! Maybe you've heard of it? I haven't.
I sawed a bicycle in half. The result was not two unicycles. Bummer.
They say people who can't grow things have a black thumb. But what if your thumb is black because something is growing on it?
I woke up really early today and I watched the sunset go backwards! That was horrible.
You can't eat money?! Now they tell me.
Why is it called a bus stop? Isn't that where the bus ride starts?
Today is Leif Ericson Day, named after Dr. Leif Ericson, inventor of the leaf. Thanks for making a mess in my yard, Leif!
I love cookies! Do they love me back? The only way to know is to eat them.
Some things really weren't meant to be flushed. Time to pull my dresser out of the toilet again.
I don't want a dream job. I just want to dream of having a job. Then I can work in my sleep.
I think Plankton is a small-minded person. He has to be! His head is so tiny!
If you're good at growing things, they say you have to have a "green thumb." I have a pink thumb, which means I'm good at eating things.
I'm honestly not sure if today is my birthday or not. But just in case, can I have some free cake?
Just remember: wherever you go, and whatever you may do, I have no idea who you are.
The question isn't, "Is ice cream a food group?" The question should be, "Do we need any other food groups?"