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Nouf 8th Sep
WANT TO GAIN MANY FOLLOWERS? *RT THIS TWEET *FOLLOW ME *FOLLOW WHO RT THIS *FOLLOWBACK MAY FOLLOWERS KANA TRENDING PA! #ALDUBLOVEONTOP
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OMG So Adorable! 😍❤ White Lion and White Tiger in UK zoo became parents of a few cute little ligers.#Lionn#Tigerr6
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Only moms can think of the future because they give birth to it in their children. God bless all Moms in the world 🙏O
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I need to tell my boss he has to give me 3x1 hour Twitter breaks every day but I'm not sure of the best way to approach the subject.
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I'm certain 99% of my problems could be solved if I had Wolverine's adamantium claws.
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Well at least we didn't miss the mark. - people shopping at target
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Saved 100% on my car insurance this summer by not having one.
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Everyone is ridiculous in their own way, and that's the beauty of it.
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But in my defense Your Honor, he said 'learnt' instead of 'learned' Judge: CASE DISMISSED!!
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Oh, I remember you. Your the guy who chose sides when no one asked you to.
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It's ok if I mildly make fun of folks. I can barely make it through a doorframe without smashing a shoulder, so all's fair...
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Sorry I missed your texts! (Ignored them) how are you? (Go to hell) what's up? (Besides ruining my life) miss you! (Miss you)
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@fluffy_boi after install windows 10 I tried to uninstall it laptop crashed, new H/D win8.1 picked it crashed again needs another H/D 😁
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These Are The Web Most Embarrassing Scenes That You Won't Believe Really Happened.. likmink.com/sdxmy-these-ar…
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I see your awkwardness and raise you a lot more awkwardnessist
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What do you mean I can't be lazy & successful?
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Wanna be up close and in your person.
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Me: "Hi, how are you?" Friend: blah blah blah blah.... Me: "great, glad to hear that" *me, talking on the phone
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it costs $0.00 to be a decent person
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It doesn't really matter who's right or who's wrong. - people who are wrong
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So it looks as if it would be cheaper to just board the kids at Petsmart than to hire a babysitter overnight. Just thinking out loud here.
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I'm not a stalker, I'm just an unpaid private investigator.
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Never ask your girlfriend for the last piece of cake when she’s crying.
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I love the look of disgust on everyone's face when a cell phone rings out loud these days
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I feel like 80% of my issue with people in public could be solved by them walking faster.
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Doesn't the word "spouse" already sound like something has gone terribly wrong?
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A group of husbands is called a "Disappointment".
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If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
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*gets text *opens Twitter *gets email, looks important *opens Twitter *picks up phone for call *opens Twitter *dies *opens Twitter
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My guests have asked what to bring to dinner I've told them a sense of humour and low expectations
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Your lack of astronaut monkey tweets disturb me.
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Life has a way of shitting on comfort zones.
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Those with a passionate heart who put up a fight for who and what they love are my favorite kind of people.
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I haven't switched off of the Science Channel all day so I'm basically ready to perform open heart surgery.
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Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you feel like throwing yourself into a wood chipper
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How to get out of an awkward conversation: Excuse yourself by saying you have to go home and take your AIDS medicine
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How to break the ice with your crush: Stab them in the neck with an ice pick
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Pics that should be banned from Facebook: 1) kids/babies 2) golfing with your bros 3) literally everything else
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get some rest, you have to be a douchebag again tomorrow.
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See if you can filter out the deadness in your eyes.
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You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say. Martin Luther #quote
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Tuesdays be the worst days for most people
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@fluffy_boi @christopherdugg I have spare matches and lighter fuel. Bought extra boxes after installing Window 10! xx
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