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Neal Brennan
Did you know that @mulaney has a wife named @amtendler and she has a book out today?
“Marriage: All it takes is 2 stupid people.”
Right now on Sundance, the season finale of @ApprovalMatrix w/ @donnellrawlings and @hannibalburess - TURN ON SUNDANCE
GO SEE CHRIS. RT @chrisdelia: #UNDERNOINFLUENCETOUR is all new material never done on TV before.
Here's my monologue for tonight's Approval Matrix - T-rex hands and Miami Vice outfit -
Hopefully the RG4 will be more durable.
I want the successful Asbergers.
I yell out “Worldstar!” during orgasms.
If you hit someone's parked car, leave a note. No need for a big explanation, just something simple as, "Next time it'll be worse"
Retweeted by Neal Brennan
The NFL is running the classic cover-up playbook. It's astounding. They're melting down.
Los Angeles, I’m doing standup with @billburr a week from tmrw. Friday 9/19. Nerdmelt. Get tix now.
Good piece about dudes apologizing for Ray Rice.
One of the funniest comics around NO DOUBT - @SebastianComedy. Follow him. He was KILLING me at @TheComedyStore last night. I was screaming.
Retweeted by Neal Brennan
Women be telling each other that today is the farmer’s market.
For the first time ever, there's more single ppl than married in the US. Hey, single ppl, let's rob these motherfuckers.
It must be sorta hard for the NFL to punish players for assault when their whole sport is sanctioned attempted murder.
Actually, t'was a bum link, bro. Here's the link to mono about tech making us the worst ppl ever.
Here’s my monologue from tonight’s approval matrix. Has technology made is the worst ppl ever?
I'm on @nealbrennan's new show The Approval Matrix tonight. So are Amy Poehler & @JimNorton. 11 on Sundance Channel.
Retweeted by Neal Brennan
I'm glad the Ravens cut Ray Rice, but before the tape surfaced today, did they think he chloroformed her?
“Hey, you wanna totally overdo this?” What people should say at the start of every romantic relationship.
Chris Rock - Facebook Terrorist
RT @ComedyCentral: Every ep of Chappelle’s Show is on the Comedy Central app. Now for Android. //NO BS - GREAT APP
Hey, my hour comedy special “Women and Black Dudes” is about to be on @ComedyCentral. 1AM EST. Watch or DVR. It’s funny.
I just want my chest to be as shredded as Kelly Rippa’s.
Dumb people, this may surprise you, but it's possible to completely disagree with something AND think it's funny.
Hahaha - Hypocrites busted.
I moved to L.A. to grovel for approval from people whose taste I don't trust.
Most NFL coaches look like they murdered their wives, moved to a new town and changed their identities.
Joan Rivers had a library-style filing cabinet containing 1000s of jokes that she wrote. Hilarity + hard work = genius.
I don’t listen to Jason Derulo’s music because I don’t trust black dudes named Jason.
If you want to ruin a compliment, tell me how you had a similar idea a couple years ago.
I think the only way this thing is gonna get resolved is if ISIS kidnaps a member of Liam Neeson’s family.
Kickstarter: Now everyone you know is a little bit homeless.
My traveling podcast game is strong. WTf, get up on this, nerdist,the champs, combat jack show,call Chelsea peretti
Retweeted by Neal Brennan
Hello, dry cleaners? Yes, Kanye spent the weekend at our home. I'm wondering, can you remove stains on Hampton blouses?
Here's my monologue about coolness from @ApprovalMatrix - TONIGHT - Sundance, 11PM EST.
"Awwww, did somebody leak your photos, modern celebrity? Fans can be weird sometimes, I guess." John Lennon, heaven.
“Blessed is the man who faves or RTs a tweet or likes a FB update even if there’s a typo in it.” The Fucking Holy Bible.
Womens tennis is like sex. It’s kind of slow and there’s a lot of disputes calls and John McEnroe announces.
Great interview with Andre 3000.
"JFK has crazy time in Dallas. You won't believe how it ends!" If news blogs existed during Kennedy assassination.
Nerds are so cool now that @EugeneMirman is the star of malt liquor ads.