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Jon Cryer
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
  6h
@MrJonCryer Socks to Brief You? I don't get it.
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
@MrJonCryer My wife did something similar with the dirty laundry but instead of writing out I <3 U she stabbed me with a kitchen knife.
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
@MrJonCryer I was going to make you a rum cake but now it's just a cake and I'm drunk. Anyways, Happy Birthday to my favorite duck man!!!!😋🎂
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
And my niece did a solo with her a Capella group! instagram.com/p/m0WIwKDN5P/
This morning my wife did this with the dirty laundry I left in the closet: #happybirthday pic.twitter.com/tAX390bloy
@MrJonCryer happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday Mr Cryer happy bday to you pic.twitter.com/wnBOmwQHEJ
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
April 16th - Happy Birthday to Jon Cryer and Martin Lawrence both same born, 49 years old. @MrJonCryer #BadBoys #TwoAndAHalfMen
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
I have been a huge fan of Amy Schumer well before she was sending crazy tweets to @USAirways! Check it out tonight on @ComedyCentral 10:30!
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
Anyone who doubts the existence of Karma need only be reminded that Joe Francis is having twin girls.
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
@MrJonCryer who did she have to sleep with to get that gig?
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
All this #StephenColbert brouhaha has managed to make the world forget that MILA FREAKIN KUNIS is on Two and a Half Men TONIGHT!!!
CBS has announced that the new Secretary of Health and Human Services will be: Stephen Colbert
My earthquake survival kit is cookies, candy, and water actually now it's just candy and water nope just water.
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
Now pls tell @ComedyCentral to give me their 11:30 slot. They'll never do it, but it'll make me happy if their feed is flooded with my name.
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
Hey, could someone ask Suey Park to start a #CancelOswalt campaign? I'd love to host the Oscars next year.
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
So I guess this means #CancelColbert worked? After a fashion?
Retweeted by Jon Cryer
Finally! A minority is gonna be represented in late night! Catholic Elvish speakers everywhere rejoice!!
Hey @StephenAtHome You're gonna need an unctuous sidekick. #imjustsayin
Holy crap!! My favorite faux right wing blowhard is gonna be the new host of the Late Show!!! Congrats @StephenAtHome !!!