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George Wallace
Whatever happened to John Brown's baby? U know the one that had the cold upon his junk and what not.
Wake that a$$ up this moanin.
Shout out to barges. We should all have barges. I need me a barge. "You see George Wallace's barge? That shit is legit!"
Shout out to The Noid. You were mad at that Noid over late pizza? He may have been going through some real shit @ you're talkin' bout pizza?
Gwen Stefani and I have decided to part ways after 75 years together. I'd appreciate privacy during this difficult time.
You should only say I rebuked you if I already buked you once. Then it makes sense. "Shit, George buked me again. I done got rebuked!"
It just feels like it's time for me to unlock this chastity belt and put some damn babies up in some folks.
Shout out to a tisket and a green & yellow basket, but a tasket can go straight to hell.
Shout out to everyone who's enjoyed my bullshit over the years. I'm beyond blessed to laugh with folks for a living. Grateful. God bless.
So we can transplant a damn human heart but no one's made a short film about Freddy Krueger at the dermatolgist?
My "Cops" episode airs tonight. I apologize again for leading the Dallas PD on that low-speed wheelbarrow chase & bein' bottomless in public
Shout out to being void where prohibited. Sick of shit that ain't void where prohibited. Says right here it's prohibited. Void that shit yo
Shout out to Greek folks with names like Andromedopolos and Milokokokakkis, runnin' around philosophizin' and shit.
Screw barkin'. They need to make shock collars for when dogs run up & smell my junk. Bark all ya want, just get yo' nose out my happy place
Just found out Roy Orbison wasn't blind and I'm gonna need a few months to digest this information and what have you.
Shout out to Phil Collins with the take a look at me now and the air tonight and groovy kinds of love and whatnot and so forth.
Fuck it. Gonna put my Xmas Tree up today.
Retweeted by George Wallace
"Teacher Jason, when I'm a grownup I'm gonna eat junky food for all the meals." "That's called college." #OverheardAtPreschool
Retweeted by George Wallace
Got a RT from somebody with one follower. Technically, that's a text.
Retweeted by George Wallace
Shout out to emergency landings when no one's hurt and everyone gets a trip down a fun-ass inflatable slide like "wheeeeeeee!"
HELP... LAPD pulled me over for Speeding. Was I wrong when I said "I was trying to keep a safe distance in front of the cars behind me"?
Shout out to operators standin' by. Let's get some damn chairs for these operators. #OperatorRights
I invented hand claps. Before me people just yelled "bravooo" & threw roses and shit. If you've clapped you owe me $1.75.
Only one person signed up for my body painting class, and that was as a joke. :(
S/O to all who will be bright eyed and Bushy tailed tomorrow morning. Bushy tailed sounds so sexy to me, on one end..Or the other or both.
@MrGeorgeWallace S/O to the isosceles triangles; they always wanna be equal but different
Retweeted by George Wallace
Shout out to parallelograms, you lazy-ass rectangles.
This collapsible garden hose is gonna change my life finally I was so tired of my slightly larger green hose that shit was holdin' me back.
It's almost noon and an NFL player hasn't been charged with anything today. Wtf?
Retweeted by George Wallace
BREAKING: Princeton researchers stumped by ho located in front of bro.
Retweeted by George Wallace
Instead of drug testing, companies should just watch how an employee reacts to a hacky sack
Retweeted by George Wallace
So surprised by the heat in LA today. It's almost like we live in a polluted desert with stolen water in defiance of God's will.
Retweeted by George Wallace
Thinkin' bout takin' the punchlines out of my jokes so I can be an alternative comedian & I'll grow one of them curly mustaches and so forth
@MrGeorgeWallace Michael Grimm's "Generation Next" Kickstarter Project! New album in the works! kickstarter.com/projects/18250…
Retweeted by George Wallace
Shout out to my old Airtouch phone with the pull-up antenna. All you did was love me and I threw you away like trash. I am so sorry
Shout out to spell check and whale not and so force.
The most BEAUTIFUL city in North America is Vancouver BC. without a doubt.
Watching NFL from the most BEAUTIFUL city in N America. Name it...
I didn't wanna take this public @Travon but you can't borrow a man's tube top like that and not return that shit. #FF
Shout out to gargoyles. I won't even come to yo' damn house if there ain't gargoyles and shit on it. Gargoyles yo'!
Shout out to @FranklynAjaye wherever he may be and what not.
@MrGeorgeWallace I've always wondered. I also don't recall calling, peating, or bating.
Retweeted by George Wallace
Why is it rejoicing? Any of y'all remember joicing the first time?
Hello @GayleKing There's something about Mary and what not.
Shout out to @GayleKing for making Detroit a much better looking place to visit.
If they're the champions why will they keep on fightin' 'til the end? They've been named champions. Was it just the conference championship?
Errbody in da club gittin' shangles.
If a serial killer corners you put a hand on your hip & say "You're on my LAST nerve" & they'll run. See they didn't realize you'd be so mad
If a gang attacks U say you're on their side & U brought them "gang supplies". They'll let you go to the car to get the supplies. Drive away