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Michael Ian Black
After cutting my thumb on my new chef's knife, I then sliced open my other finger on the mandoline. Forty percent of my fingers now have a cooking injury.
View from the kitchen window. Was hoping to be buried in snow, but no.
Ordered a fancy new Japanese chef's knife. Wife said, "Why did you you buy that, you'll just cut yourself?" I said, "Fuck you, I won't cut myself." It arrived today. First thing I did is stab my fucking thumb.
Snow beginning to fall here in the wilds of Connecticut. They've already canceled school tomorrow. Thinking about hot cocoa and naps.
best start to the day=listening to customers read A Pig Parade is a Terrible Idea aloud. @michaelianblack @SimonKIDS
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
This is what I look like framed by the winter woods. What you cannot see is that I am also making Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup. This is just how it is with me.
Have they tried using this? RT @cnnbrk Supreme Court: Arkansas prison can't stop Muslim from growing beard.
Children's books from unexpected authors that are clever & hilarious @michaelianblack @bjnovak
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
Quote of the day from HuffPo article on Kansas, now considering a $2.29 tax on cigarettes:
Sorry we didn't get our family Christmas card out in time this year. Here it is, a touch belated.
Haven't read my memoir, "You're Not Doing It Right"? This recent review may persuade you.
I can’t believe it, but it’s actually happening... 8 episodes, original cast, on Netflix!
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
Please support the Kickstarter to CGI me on top of Bill Cosby in all old episodes of his show and whatnot.
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
bro save that shit for that blog of yours (Boston Globe, 1/1/1915)
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
I like the poster for that new movie about the paintings of weird-looking girls with disturbingly large eyes.