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Michael Ian Black
If the Giants are going to Disneyland now, somebody should tell them to get on line for Space Mountain early to avoid the long lines.
To me, the most stunning part of this World Series was learning that Nick Swisher can speak coherently.
Nice that Madison Bumgarner will have a car to drive now.
Wow, they got the Chevrolet zone manager to present the MVP award! How did they swing that?
Erin Andrews is wearing dungarees at the trophy presentation. This isn't casual Fridays, Erin. #badjob
Starting to think the Giants actually had these t-shirts printed up BEFORE the game!
Wasn't Madison Bumgarner Vice President under Grover Cleveland?
Just saw Paul Rudd screaming in the stands. Unseemly.
SPORTSFACTS: Every World Series of the modern era has been decided by most runs scored per game. Follow this account for more #sportsfacts
SPORTSFACT: Some baseball players have nicknames. Follow this account for more #sportsfacts
So it shouldn't bother you to much that you're blocked. RT @mopsauce meh your sport tweets are so so
SPORTSFACT: Whichever baseball team wins tonight will receive a bunch of finger rings. Follow this account for more #sportsfacts
Watch: Christopher Meloni is judge, jury & butcher in @michaelianblack's new web series BEEF.
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
Does anybody know if chainsaws go on sale after Halloween?
"BEEF," a new show created by @JoeLoTruglio and myself and starring @Chris_Meloni. TRAILER:… … Nov 11 on iTunes
This video for Afterlife is more important to me than I can explain. Please RT and share the love. Thank you loves.
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
Makers of tortilla chips, please stop calling the bag "party-sized." You're making me feel even worse about eating the whole thing alone.
Marvel, do everybody a favor and calm the fuck down.
Great episode of "Sonic Highways" tonight featuring Dischord and the DC punk scene. Even caught a glimpse of @craigwedren.
DMX took his daughter on the slingshot at the amusement park. I am watching "Cupcake Wars" with mine. I AM THE BETTER FATHER!!!
Bad news: house is infested with ladybugs. Good news: if you're going to be infested with any insect, ladybugs are the way to go.
But what does your degree of legitimacy have to do with your ability/ desire to quit?
Twitter feuds with very, very famous people? This week, @michaelianblack tells Lies with @saraschaefer1!
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
The guy installing my pool table has two teeth, which has the counterintuitive effect of making me trust him more.
If you are a woman between the ages of 23-39, and you are not a jewelry designer, I don't know what the fuck you think you are doing.
Tomorrow's LIES is with one of my comedy heroes @michaelianblack & he is really good at lying. One of my fave episodes. @WNYC @NerdistDotCom
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Will be cooking with tomatillos tonight. Thanks in advance for thinking of me as the perfect man.
Kind Rolling Stone write-up of The State's reunion at Festival Supreme.… We dipped our balls in it.
Going to make a good dinner for my family tonight and then do the dishes, no thanks needed or desired. Cash accepted.
Ebola quarantine to be served for 21 days at home - not allowed to go anywhere or hang out with anyone? I think I have Ebola.
After a month away, finally back home in the wilds of Connecticut. Relief to see that everybody here is still white.
I don't know what to believe. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL.
Festival Supreme was amazing! #TheState reunited was the absolute greatest.
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Currently bored out of my mind on a flight. If you'd like to chat with me, click this link:…
My Ebola has a first name. It's E-B-O-L-A. My Ebola has a second name it's B-L-E-E-D-I-N-G O-U-T...
Some impressive coughing fits going on here at the back of the plane. Not sure if it's a competition or what.
In a pretty sweet full flight/back of the plane/middle seat situation.
Going home tomorrow for the first time in a month. Trying to decide on the first thing to yell at my kids about.
Old guys with ponytails > old guys with crew cuts.
If you want to meet people who are not paranoid about Ebola, go hang out by a Costco sample cart.
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black