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Michael Ian Black

comedian comedy 1,918,329 followers
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Awww yeah, it's time: on.mtv.com/19Q0pLT We had the 240. We had to have the puddin.
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  7h
AMBER ALERT: SNEAK PEEK OF "TOPICS" MY NEW PODCAST WITH @mshowalter bit.ly/topicspod
"Topics" podcast with me & @michaelianblack available for listening in TWO DAYS!!! @topicspodcast
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Because I'm away from my wife and kids for Father's Day, I took the opportunity to make a few more children.
I will always - ALWAYS - root for the fat boxer.
Really torn because would Jesus wear this What Would Jesus Do rubber bracelet?
ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm hosting the Friskies Awards on 10/15, the MOST IMPORTANT internet cat video awards show. thefriskies.com @Friskies
Next Wednesday: "Topics" with myself and @mshowalter launches. Our new podcast that answers life's biggest questions. pic.twitter.com/JfLrfcXvfu
"Girls" fans, have you seen this? So funny. youtu.be/iNCnu66tybY
Episode 1 of "Topics" podcast with me and @michaelianblack out in one week! Wed 6/19 First topic "Is there a God?" pic.twitter.com/hA5Lg6DFqv
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It's my first Father's Day as a father and my second as a murderer I'VE SAID TOO MUCH
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Thanks for the compliment. Blocked. RT @Uncle_Cory Good job, Michael. An actually funny and inoffensive tweet for once
If you've ever wondered what it would be like to be invisible, just come to LA and find out!
Shut up. RT @hahaimavirgin @michaelianblack If everyone is 27 then the average (or mean) is still 27.
There is no average age in LA. Everybody is twenty-seven.
I am the oldest person in Los Angeles by thirty years.
I've gotten really good at being terrible at poker.
If you're happy and you know it you're drunk.
My wife is a lot more understanding about this guy Snowden's motives than she was about mine when I read her diary.
I am now fully committed to never getting out of bed again.
Maybe UFC fighters have all that aggression because they have to dress like that.
If I'm really honest with myself, I don't deserve fruit kabobs.
If you are a fan of @michaelianblack and @RealDLHughley you can now get tickets for our new comedy game show here... on-camera-audiences.com/shows/Trust_Me…
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What I lack in physical strength I make up for in lack of endurance.
Just checked Charlie Sheen's Twitter page to see if he is still using the word "epic." Good news: he is.
Glad I'm not allergic to peanuts because then somebody would go, "Wait, you're allergic to penis?" And then everybody would laugh at me.
I'm indoors. My waiter is wearing sunglasses. Yet somehow I feel like the asshole.
AMBER ALERT: I AM ABOUT FIFTY FEET AWAY FROM MARIO LOPEZ
"I don't know, what do you want to eat?" - helping out the NSA with a summary of all my phone calls.
Its important to remember that the Frasier theme song "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs" is literally the worst thing that has ever happened.
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Yes, kids say the darndest things, but let's not forget they also say some pretty stupid shit, too.
Awesome! RT: @NekoCase HEY, LOOK!!! IT'S FINALLY DONE!! bit.ly/19NbX0V
Just think about me thinking about baseball. RT @DannyZuker @mshowalter Great. Now I'm hard.
Great question. Answer: Topics. RT @kenlowery @mshowalter What will you guys be discussing on your show
In case you missed it, here is the OFFICIAL ART for my new 10-part podcast with @mshowalter "Topics." Coming soon. pic.twitter.com/f8zHRCrUs1
Oh I forgot to mention that the great @ebaynetflix (Dan Deacon) composed all the rad music for our podcast #TOPICS pic.twitter.com/FulFpSc3KK
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Coming soon: a new 10 part podcast in which @mshowalter and I really get into it. Prepare your minds for... "Topics."
If Jesus died for our sins then why are there so many popups when i try to watch a movie online illegally
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How do you NOT love that @AndyKindler is on Letterman tonight? Answer: You don't not love it.
Is-thay is-ay e-thay est-bay ay-way o-tay ool-fay e-thay NSA-ay.
Honestly, I'll be a little hurt if I find out the NSA wasn't eavesdropping on my calls.
Ugh. Now we're in a holding pattern. Guess I'll have another cognac. #firstclass
From "NYT" review of "Much Ado" "perhaps the liveliest and most purely delightful movie I have seen so far this year." Congrats @josswhedon