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Maurice Freedman

Easily the most chill I’ve ever seen anyone in a doctor’s office. If he’s waiting for results, I need whatever he’s on....kudos to your zen
iOS 11 is everything I ever dreamed of.
Ok great. Now he's following me. I hope not literally.
This guy just liked my photos on Instagram. All 660 of them. If anything happens to me, it wasn't a suicide.
The award show is dragging on forever. Way too much politics.
24 servings? Are they serving infants? Everything about this label is a lie.
Similar warning on Q-tips - don't stick them in your ears. A box of 500 under those conditions will last a bazillion years.
They added a warning to the label not to eat the cookie dough raw. Nestle is a house of monsters.
1-star reviews of Clinton's book are being deleted by Amazon. #1 complaint, besides that the audiobook sounds like Siri is reading it.
These award shows are getting way too political.
Today in LA: "What kind of latté? Almond milk? Soy milk?" "Nah, I'm from NY" "Ok then, just milk milk"
Yeah, you filthy animals. Be nice if the bathroom was cleaned annually too, but can't have it all.
Today on every TV station in New York they broadcast the reading of the names of all 2,996 victims of 9/11. Uninterrupted. the closet where I keep my email server.
Army General's advice for anyone that stayed in place along the coast: "Write your name on your arm, so we know who you are"
My information was part of the hack of Equifax, the same company that will tell me my credit sucks now that someone stole my identity.
Can you imagine if Blockbuster was still around and tried to compete with YouTube? Just the cat video aisle would be like a mile long
I can't can't compliment a woman but @Target can sell these cards. Where's the pink hat outrage
I think Kim Jong Un is lonely, so I made him a @Tinder profile.
I have 3,141 selfies on my phone. Thanks to @Apple narcissism finally has a number. #HowManySelfies
Irma is a German baby name, from the Old German 'irmin' or "War Goddess". We should name all hurricanes "Todd" -- Todd never hurt anyone.
Back to school shopping for parents.
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