When bae says she loves biceps, but the only curl you can do is curling into a ball at night to try and keep out the crippling depression...
When your owner whips out the bone and it's bigger than you thought
When it's been awhile, and she unzips your pants...
Roses are red
Trees are all leafy
Despite the constant negative press
Me: Can I flick it with my tongue?
Does college have you drowning in debt...
When you see a Cereal killer in the neighborhood and the cops show up...
Life is like tetris: Your failures build up while your successes disappear..
HERE WE GO!! PLAYOFFS ARE BACK IN EDMONTON BABY 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
Please vote MILLARVILLE!! A fantastic community and great people
One thing brings all Canadians together...
Great to see Germany and Israel are finally getting along…
Do✋ not 😰 eat 👌 fish 🐟 after 😶 u 😯 drink water 🍺 bc😰 it can 👻 swim in 🏊 ur stomach 😮 and u will 😲 feel 😕 gulugulu in ur stomach 😓😳😼😷
If you RT this tweet of me wearing a tee from bobhellertees.com
, a pic without the shirt will appear in your DMs.
What have I learned since my divorce?
That the safest sex is not getting any at all.
Investigating the wire taps at Trump Tower, the Secret Service soon found a morse code message wanting help to 'get away from this maniac'.
If you have a gluten allergy I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 pizzas and you can't eat one.
I saw a sign that said "Grand Opening!" And assumed it was referring to your vagina.
I'm food horny!!!!
That counts right????
There is NO we in poutine!!!!
-whenever someone asks we to share
It's cool how everyone is applauding US Patriots, who're standing up for human rights,
And by next Sunday everybody will be booing the Pats
Trapezoid was invented to slow down Brodeur's stick skills. I say we introduce an Ovizoid to slow down @ovi8
Just lose it...
Who is going to pay for the wall?!?!
Me.. it's me isn't it?
Canucks star defenseman, Nikita Tryamkin, greeting a homeless man after the Washington Capitals game.
Dear Slim Pig,
I wrote you but you still ain't calling...
The top 1% of squirrels hold over 90% of the nut supply, that is a yuge number
Lightning is God taking screenshots for judgement day
LeBron went home..
Wade went home..
It's time for Bosh to finally come home
The Oscar Pistorius drinking game:
Everytime your girlfriend goes to the bathroom you take 4 shots
Can you imagine someone saying ISIS is justified to kill Americans because Americans kill each other?
Thats logic of Black on Black crime
When you grew up securing your bike and then you hit the lottery
Word of the Day:
Ferdinand Vagellan - when you exploring that pussy
When the Weasleys can't afford the Nombis 980
Disgusting! I was able to buy this military grade assault rifle in under 7 minutes
When you're dropping your new mixtape at 5
When Grandma wants the 72 virgins
When the toilet is brighter than your future
Roses are red
Tacos are enjoyable
Don't blame a Mexican
Because you're unemployable...
If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country
If Clinton wins, I'm leaving the country
Not political, I just love traveling.
Sex so good, Jesus has to pull you out
Japan's first Virtual Reality Porn Festival cancelled because too many people came
When you wanna take one of those driving snaps but your gas tank on E & the Engine light on...
Whenever you feel unimportant, just remember you were the Time: Person of the Year, in 2006
When you need to buy 7 car batteries to power your new sex toy...
Jeb Bush: Please clap
When you wanna nut, but she needs 5 more minutes
🎵 He was a skater boi, o shit wuddup see you later boi �Jv