Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Grow your twitter followers. Join free!
Start my free promotion! Twiends helps you grow your twitter following quickly and easily.
Benjvmin Chvse
He was free about a week agooo!!!
I heard a woman sneeze and say "God bless you" to herself and then reply "thank you"
Everything in life is less enjoyable on a full bladder. Just let that sink in...
I just realized, I used to shop online for new Jordan shoes. Now I browse for rugs and living room sets lol. I'm getting old.
Just remember that every day is a gift from God.. Except for Monday, satan slips that one in.. The sneaky bastard.
Losing an argument because your opponent is too dumb to understand your argument.
I'm being forced to watch Fox News in a house full of white republicans... God is testing my strength...
The very thought of your period and finals coinciding makes me shiver and I'm a guy.
Thank God for condoms.
Come out of the womb they said... it will be fun they said...
*microwaves food, starts eating it, realizes it's not hot enough, too lazy go back to the microwave, suffers through cold meal*
Father, forgive me for I have sinned.
Remember: When you're talking to a girl, you're talking to her friends via screenshot.
New business idea.. Lets put prizes in tampon boxes. Like yeah it sucks that you got your period but now you have 50% off ice cream.
How am I supposed to study when netflix exists
I made a graph of my past relationships.There's an Ex-Axis and a Why-Axis
"You wore that shirt before" yeah because it's my shirt and I have a washing machine...
When girls say they're on tinder just to find friends, my reply is, "yeah and I'm on porn hub to see if the plumber actually fixes the sink"
I'm yuupppaaaa faded off that turkey
God has 3 letters in it, a triangle has 3 sides, illuminati confirmed
It feels good to be in a room full of people who love you unconditionally.
Mentoring my young bucks.. I wish I had a positive male figure such as myself to look up to when I was a pre teen.
Beware the woman speaks the word of God and attempt to lay with you shortly thereafter. She is a deceiver and will speak nothing but lies.
Who is taking an economic course? I need a study buddy ASAP!
Parents man... They put us in the most awkward positions imaginable. I can't wait to be a dad, my son will never get a break lol
Facebook is full of porn and weird videos. I need delete sooo many people. I can't stand seeing that crap in my newsfeed dude..
Every day, I look at that pill bottle and think about going back to the old me.. Then I hit the gym and get high on blood sweat and tears.
If things don't add up, subtract yourself.
My fallback game is so potent, I have girls asking their friends when my funeral is.
Some dude starts grilling me because he caught his girl checking me out. Don't get mad kiddo. Get like me and dress better.
A real woman can do it all by herself, but a real man won't let her.
Why are the biscuits at red lobster the best thing on the menu? I just go for the biscuits and leave when they ask me to order real food.
I hate when I go to restaurants and they make some shit that I could have made at home. Like I could have made 9 of those for the same price
Only 10% of my shower time consists of washing. The other 90% is for dancing and singing 󾍇
I need a woman to pray with not lay with. Many women will say they love God yet, they are eager to take you to bed
Only my JC heads know what I'm talking about; Remember when "don't let the bed bugs bite" was to be taken literally? 󾌲 lawd
"Getting drunk is an advance on tomorrow's happiness" -Alex M. Philip Green room wisdom 󾮟
During the day all I want to do I go to bed but when I finally get back home going to sleep is the last thing I want to do.
Is last night's pleasure worth this morning's pain?
Where are all the good girls hiding? I feel like they're wearing camouflage or walking around in stealth mode...
Sometimes you have to give up who you want, to be with who you need.
I pray God will strip me of my ego. An inflated sense of self leads to destruction.
I need to feel my soul come alive. I need that little hope I can find. I need a little faith. Is that too much to ask for?
As soon as I turned 21 I started getting hit on by older women lol. It's like they all have a barely legal radar.
I don't think males can be "just friends" with females. I just don't see it. Thoughts?
Side chicks are more faithful than the main girls these days! Shout out to you girls who refuse to cheat on another woman's man
Met this little guy on the sidewalk today. Who can name the spider?
A wise woman knows the importance of speaking life into her man. If you love him; believe in him, encourage him and be his peace.
Who on my friends list is from Cali? I'm in Oakland is anyone doing a show this weekend? I'm looking for something to get into. #Oww!
Girls are still dressing up as sluts for halloween... Oh wait, that's not a costume..